Failure as a Human Being

I have a pet theory which states that most people are literally sleepwalking, they are caught in the hamster wheel of material success and social kudos and have completely forgotten the purpose of their current incarnation. They may have all the accoutrements of success but when the time comes to show their humanity they fail, they fail as a human being. That failure, the lack of courage, the lack of honesty at time of crisis can weigh heavy. It is at the core of “The Seed and the Sower” by Laurens van der Post. Jack Celliers could have saved his little hunchbacked brother from public mockery but he tried to save face and look good. He was offered the chance for his brother to be spared of the ritual, the rite of passage. He had his cubic centimetre of chance but did not take it. He chose poorly. Subsequently Jack became reckless with his life and a part of his story, his betrayal, is immortalised in the film “Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence”.

“All of us, whether or not we are warriors, have a cubic centimeter of chance that pops out in front of our eyes from time to time. The difference between an average man and a warrior is that the warrior is aware of this, and one of his tasks is to be alert, deliberately waiting, so that when his cubic centimeter pops out, he has the necessary speed, the prowess, to pick it up.”

Carlos Castaneda

A watered down version of this public humiliation happened to me in boarding school. In my common entrance English exam aged 12 I wrote a poetic piece about being set loose in a coracle from Cape Town Harbour under a moonless sky and by the light of the Southern Cross. It was in a way prophetic. My housemaster, “Bulldog”, chose to read it out in school assembly, without asking me. He eulogised about the poetry in my soul. I got five white bonus points for my house, Lincoln. I never wrote anything like that again until I was in my late thirties. I did not let go again. As a direct result of that moment, I chose chemistry, physics and maths, instead of English, Latin and French for my “A” level subjects. I pivoted away.

Many people are convinced, adamant even that know where people are coming from, what they are all about and how they think. Not asking they never truly know. People in my experience prefer to tell me what they think I am thinking. Being introverted I am very unlikely to offer any narrative or opinion, unless it is on a subject about which I am interested. I could have written passionate here but I didn’t because I am past the stage of passions.

I have made a statement. People may take it at face value, they are very unlikely to ask me what I mean by that. So, they will be extrapolating from their own knowledge and, if interested, simply guessing.

I can think of several occasions when I have been interacting with people where they have absolutely no idea about what I know. Where I could have given them many gifts of power. They were too interested in the sound of their own voice and keen to have a mutual bullshit session. They missed an opportunity which might have become profound. They did not ask they told. I let them carry on talking.

It seems to me obvious that a part of incarnating as a human being is to practise and learn humanity. By all the numerical and material metrics you may be a rip-roaring success. Yet if you fail to embody and express humanity you have failed as a human being. You may gob off about immigrants, sue people for throwing milkshakes at you. You may turn a social media platform into a den of iniquity.

The tendency to soap box in an adamant manner is not really practising an inclusive humanity. You may get millions of followers and become an influencer, have social kudos. But exactly what example are you setting?

Are you really developing your humanity?

Are you somehow missing the point of your current incarnation?

How are you doing being a human being?

Hmnn…

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