Not long back from a visit to Saint Hellier Jersey where I saw a consultant rheumatologist. They suggested that there is no extra immune-stuff active in my skeletal problems and that most of my “random” inflammation events are probably so-called gout.
There is a lot to unpack mentally and in terms of feelings. There is a question, “did I really live like that once upon a time? Really?”
In the space of a few weeks, the consultant was the second to note and comment upon my recently measured elevated haemoglobin levels. Which could be due to my prior smoking, my COPD, genetic causes or living at elevations during early adolescence. Others causes like blood cancer are very unlikely.
In nearly every medical situation the fab three are rolled out as the most likely cause. The trio of obesity, booze and fags are the go to default diagnosis. In the UK there is a bit of fetish about BMI. It is a well-used mantra. This trio may have a confirmation bias effect. I am / have been triply holy.
In the 1994-5 when the people at St Thomas’ London were looking into the haem thing it was put down to smoking. They bled me on a regular basis to try to drop my haemoglobin levels. It was a part of a whole host of “lab-rat” tests that I had done back then. I was a very cooperative rat, happy to be in anyone’s research programme. This probably rules out esoteric causes.
The most surprising thing with the consultant was their surprise that there was no bone density follow up after me falling and breaking the head / neck of my femur. I fell only from standing in the kitchen at the age of 55. The drop was well under one metre. The rationale was that this was a major break from only a small fall. There could have been something wrong with /weakening my bones. I am male and osteoporosis or osteopenia is uncommon at that age. They were surprised that it was not investigated. They may suggest some follow up tests in a letter.
They were also surprised at the severity of my hip osteoarthritis and the near complete lack of motion, sideways.
Here is something that I may have picked up. When people note or examine me, they perhaps transfer some imagining as to how it might feel / affect them if they were in the same condition. They may see a bleak future. I have had a number of people talk about quality of life to me. Given my flexibility and pain, it might inhibit their current life-style in which they “do” stuff. There is a bit of a shudder. “What if that happened to me?” The advice is to have a bilateral operation so as to have “quality of life”. My serene quality of life far from the loud and maddening crowd may not appeal to them. Quality of life is very subjective.
So, does one cling and try to maintain an active quality of life according to the common view, feeling miserable every time life stops you from doing what you once did and feel you ought to do?
Or do you simply adjust to your new reality, to come to terms with your lot?
Philosophically I suspect that modern medicine is bad in a Darwinian sense for human evolution. The weak and the sick can live and breed. They can live to old age. People have children at a later age increasing the prevalence and propagation of birth defects and damaged genes. Humanity will live longer but it will be sicker and less healthy.
Sounds a bit eugenic…but we are seeing the “success” of modern medicine impinge of health services and economies.
If karma has caused me to have badly arthritic hips, is it wise to try to outsmart karma by having a modern operation?
Ok, I was born in a time where such things are possible but is that a temptation of our times, trying to have life on my own terms? Maybe I should simply settle my karmic debt and endure quietly without complaining?
I am speculating that maybe I need to stop taking any medication whatsoever. It is not making me happy this endless merry-go-round.
As I said, I am none the wiser…
Dreamyoga 