Author: quantumdreamer

.

Revisiting the “Thai” Incarnation – Ong Bak

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

I mentioned earlier in the blog that around 2003 I started having visions of myself as Buddhist priest / monk with om mane padme hum tattooed on my forearms in Sanskrit. This tattooing suggested the Sak Yant of Thai, Laos, Vietnam, Cambodia / Burma, I could not see the colour of the robes in those visions but was certain that the calligraphy was not Tibetan.

More recently I had an “Indochina” dream, a link is below.

One could say that the Buddhist Muay Thai dream resulted from me watching Tony Jaa in the early Ong Bak films. But I don’t think so.

–

–

As a regular user of Watkins books where one can find much on “spirituality” I frequented Cecil Court near Trafalgar Square, London. There was an artefact shop opposite. There I purchased this Buddha / Avalokiteśvara. He is sitting in our hallway to this day.

–

–

At the time I was talking with a chemistry student during her final year research project on statute patinas joint with The Royal College of Art. The shop has moved probably to Camden. I had a long conversation with proprietor about how the village from which he sourced the statuettes used special techniques to create ancient looking patinas.

Many years later following on from a dream I visited a Thai Forest Buddhist centre, Cittaviveka, also known as Chithurst Buddhist Monastery. This was not far from where we lived in the UK.

When I had the “Thai” dream in 2023 I was genuinely quite surprised because I had mentally ruled out Indochina. But today that notion has again resurfaced. The hair-do on the statute is very Indochina – style. I have said “Thai” but it could be elsewhere on the peninsula.

The Buddhist thread is linked to the pen-pal of the wife’s mother who was the daughter of a Sri Lankan ambassador and a Pali Scholar, the author of a Pali dictionary and important to the spread of Buddhism to London. This is the Theravada link.

The monk I spoke with at Cittaviveka had looked after Christmas Humphreys. A key figure in bringing Buddhism and meditation to London.

In that dream for the first time, “I am wearing only some saffron-yellow trousers.” I am clearly Asian.

Hmnn…

A Bit of a Nodal Point…

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

It has been an observable in my life that when life trajectory is approaching a nodal point for change, where different paths might offer, that things tend to stack up like London buses running behind schedule. Events converge, apparent available time runs out and a number of crises manifest. Things start to get hectic and it is difficult to keep clarity.

At the moment we have the selling up house and buying a smaller one choice. That might be in France or UK. In any case a move. I could do science “A” level tutoring in the UK for a few extra quid a month.

Also, there is an increasingly pressing need for me to get replacement hip surgery, which adds to the mix. Unfortunately, I could not find contact details for a traditional Fairy Godmother on the internet. Hence, the joints are only going to get worse and the pain is unlikely to diminish.

We have the Myeloma sword of Damocles hanging over as per usual.

The feasibility of a nanna-flat in the UK looks OK. There are less bungalow type houses here. The cost of living in the UK is a lot higher. We are in the administrative system here and could qualify for a 10 year right to live card next year.

I am not seeing anything new that I want to do in our garden of two acres, so the time to move is now or around now. That is also the feeling. There are a few before sale internal DIY tasks which I/we can hack. All of this is very normal and mundane.

I know from what I am picking up subjectively that there is a small finite possibility that events could transpire which would markedly change the trajectories. They are related to my Tibetan Buddhist dreams. They hint at a trajectory far away from nanna-flats, Zimmer frames and secateurs.

That febrile trajectory is not close to taking shape, though inquiries may have been made today. It is a lot quicker to ask me direct than to speculate.

A simple small win on the lottery would enable. It would buy room to manoeuvre on the house move front. It would not have to be much…

I have had some more titanium put in today. I have an implant fitted in my jaw into which a false tooth will be screwed at a later date. So, yippee, antibiotics for a week.

Stuff continues to stack up…

Train Journeys – Freak Show – Dream 18-05-2025

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

Here is this morning’s dream which I had difficulty naming. To note – travel tends to interrupt the dreaming, and we are not long back from Jersey. Trains re-present a socially conditioned state of awareness in that you are complied by the tracks.

The dream starts on a very long French train with a modern looking white/grey aerodynamic locomotive. The train is extensive. We are stopped in the middle of the countryside for no apparent reason. There is no station or level crossing. Just to the side of the tracks and underneath it there is a municipal child’s playground, fenced off at the edge of a camping ground. A road leads via a tunnel under the tracks which are on an embankment.

Several children are playing in the park. They are accompanied by a man wearing a Freddy Krueger style hat and striped Denis the Menace red and black jumper. He also has a white formed facial mask. The wife goes down to investigate and play with the children. The man is rude to her in French and leads the children off. I can see that he has a large, near machete style knife dangling from his belt.

The wife comes back to the train mildly upset. I say what did you expect from the look of him with that horror mask. As she does this, looking upset, I take from my pocket a white tissue in which is the point of the blade from the man’s knife. I have broken it off at a distance and it has shattered into my tissue. I have disarmed him. I throw the contents of my tissue into a rubbish bin, and it makes a metallic clatter.

We then proceed towards the baggage handling car. The train is now moving towards Caen – Ouistreham a destination which we did not book, nor do we have a need to be there. In the baggage car there is a conveyor belt, like baggage reclaim in an airport. A couple, a woman and her husband, start to talk with us in English. They are not “all there” and are making no sense. They split up and head to opposite ends of the train.

Next a being walks into the car. It is a tall female with long dark hair roughly our age dressed in a long green dress. Out of her stomach protrudes the head and shoulders of a balding middle-aged man with a partial comb over. His complexion is ruddy. She is looking one way and he the other. She starts talking to us and he gesticulates with arms that are now visible. They look conjoined and not really of this world. We look on and they exit. We can see that there is a large vintage bustle to her dress as she leaves. The wife and I turn to each other and think/know the words “freak show”.

There is now an officious woman belonging to the train company who insists that we must book through her to get the best deal. I say to her that this is exactly what we tried and have ended up being on entirely the wrong train. The next time we will book through an online broker. She is insistent that we MUST book through her. I think to myself that she has no idea and there is no way I will use her again.

The train pulls up and we exit it. Our mobile home / truck is sat at a weighbridge before boarding. A man is heading at speed with a key to try to unlock a locker behind the driver’s cab. I know that he cannot possibly unlock it but that nevertheless I must beat him to the locker because it is extraordinarily dangerous for him to even try to unlock what he does not know, to open something he does not understand. He is in very deep peril especially if he gets there before me. I hasten to the mobile home and taking a key on the end of a chain around the neck, I insert it into the lock just as the man approaches. He looks disheartened. I do not turn the key simply stand there warding off. Under no circumstance should he try.

Next, I am at a country crossroads in which there is a level crossing barrier across railway tracks. The “road” is dusty and without tarmac. Several of us are stood at the barrier. A train is being pulled by a royal blue steam locomotive it approaches and passes. It is pulling high class vintage pullman carriages with people in period costume inside. The steam train is magnificent. I did not know they had such things still. The train passes and people lift the barrier manually. We are clearly in rural India. There are people with large cattle like animals now crossing the tracks.

I pick up a stick on the end of which Dick Wittington style is a piece of cloth containing my belongings and clothes. I am bare-footed and wearing loose blue cotton trousers. My feet are tanned and accustomed to walking bare foot. I start to walk along the tracks standing on the wooden cross boards. Two young Indian men are whispering. They are going to follow me and attempt to rob me. I know this. They are conspiring. They do not know how long or how fast I can walk. I say to them, “If you want to try to rob me, please feel free to try!”

The dream ends.

Bumpkins Go to Saint Helier

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

It is very difficult to get across to most people just how out of touch we are with modern living and specifically people density and noise. Aside from medics, tradesmen and checkout people, I speak with nobody other than the wife. This has been the case for quite a while, over six years. I have spoken in person to/with her brother and friends when they visited. I have had very few zoom type calls in that six year period. Certainly, less than two dozen. I do not speak on the ‘phone. Nor do I chat via email or WhatsApp whatever the hell that is.

In many ways I am a bumpkin, a pikey and a hermit. I am no longer accustomed to “sophistication” nor the high octane pace of somewhere like Saint Helier Jersey. {Population~ 30k}

I am unaccustomed to any social interaction.

Part of the purpose of visiting Jersey was to see how it felt to be surrounded by people and anglophone people at that. It is fair to say that I am still a little shell shocked. We were out of the compound for less than 48 hours and in the Metropolis for 24.

The fist thing I noted was just how frantic and ill at ease people were. The energy they were giving off was edgy and wanting to please, to fit in. The manager at Pizza Express asked us if we wanted the app…Why? I don’t use apps and we have not been to a Pizza Express for more than six years. I did not even have a ‘phone.

The people in Jersey seemed rushed and hassled compared to here. And boy were they loud when bullshitting each other. I noted several chunky “personal trainer” types, keen to exploit the Jersey dollar for fitness and “well-being”. There is money and it attracts.

The only calm experience, outside interaction, I had was when I sat on the bench outside M&S and a well-heeled woman older than me sat next. Neither of us were rushed. We shared silence for a few minutes. She went into Givenchy. The main street was a bit like a cross between high street Guildford and Bond Street London.

Jersey is clean and “posh”. It is also surprisingly multi-national with people there to meet the services sector demand. I used to hang out in posh places, South Kensington and earlier Mayfair / Piccadilly. I lived in Brixton.

The hotel we stayed at was very nice. We ate at the hotel restaurant. They played loud “party” music and people outside on the terrace were necking booze and smoking or vaping. The food was good and the service very, perhaps overly, quick. There was noise and laughter outside. I thought to myself that once I used to do that kind of thing. I would have been content as a Brit on the piss. It all seemed more than a little forced and false. It was hurried. There were ostentatious handshakes and kissy-kissy helloes.

I was the alien from another planet. I was able to order, in English, food from the pygmy African waitress. I was observing, earth.

–

–

The rheumatologist suggested we move to Jersey for the “quality of life”. It did not seem that attractive to me. How do you explain quiet tranquillity with no social interaction and a gentle river running through the garden? That has quality and not a constant needy need for social interaction and social affirmation. There is no need for endless consumption, conspicuous or otherwise.

I am still sighing a little, a whole day later.

What is obvious from that visit is that it is probably not wise to live in a “built-up” area and that I do not miss the people in whose country I once lived. I do not need that English vibe.

It might be possible to live in the countryside and visit an urban “metropolis” when there is a need.

Unfortunately, I am like a sponge and can pick up all that emitted jangly nervous energy. It made “in town” sleeping hard.

Theoretically It would be possible to earn money tutoring wealthy kids in physics and chemistry on Jersey. But I don’t think there is anywhere there far enough away from “civilization”.

If I found Jersey difficult to hack, London would cause a complete meltdown.

Did I really get on the Victoria Line every weekday morning during rush hour? Really? And without any medication?

In terms of incarnation that seems like the most surreal incarnation that I have ever had.

Still more than a little shell shocked after only a very brief jaunt…

Buddha Says, “Don’t Be a Drama Queen!”

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

One day when he was sitting under the Bodhi Tree a question popped into Buddha’s mind.

“Why do people make such a big fuss about everything, why are they overly dramatic and highly emotional about their normal lives and how they think life ought to be? Why are they forever whinging and complaining about their lot?”

And then he had it, the essence.

“Don’t be such a drama queen!”

The Bhagavad, the Tathāgata, the Venerable one, the Blessed, had come up with a simple piece of advice which would help people ease the imagined burdens in their lives. To lighten their imagined loads and to thereby enlighten them.

“Don’t be such a drama queen!”

He had found the precious jewel of wisdom. If people could live life as it is rather than with an overly dramatic soap opera style overlay there would be much less suffering in the world. People would stop flailing about and over-reacting. Calmness, harmlessness and peace might abide.

So, whenever you find yourself reacting to a situation remember and enact the precious jewel of wisdom garnered under the mighty Bodhi Tree.

Buddha says, “don’t be such a ridiculous drama queen about everything!”

Savoir distinguer douleur physique et souffrance ajoutée.

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

Sallatha Sutta (SN 36.6)

La flèche : Savoir distinguer douleur physique et souffrance ajoutée.

Traduit par Jeanne Schut

Excerpted from The Dharma of the Forest

« Moines, une personne ordinaire a des sensations de plaisir, des sensations de douleur et des sensations qui ne sont ni agréables ni désagréables. Le noble disciple bien entraîné connaît lui aussi des sensations de plaisir, des sensations de douleur et des sensations qui ne sont ni agréables ni désagréables. Alors, quelle différence, quelle distinction, quel signe distinctif y a-t-il entre le noble disciple bien entraîné et la personne ordinaire? »

« Pour nous, Vénérable, les enseignements ont pour origine, pour guide et pour arbitre l’Éveillé, le Bouddha lui-même. Il serait donc bien que vous nous expliquiez le sens de votre question. L’ayant entendu de la bouche de l’Éveillé lui-même, les moines s’en souviendront. »

« Dans ce cas, moines, écoutez attentivement ces paroles. »

« Nous écoutons attentivement, Vénérable. »

Le Bouddha dit alors: « Lorsqu’une personne ordinaire ressent une douleur physique, elle s’inquiète, s’attriste et se lamente; elle se frappe la poitrine, pleure et se désespère. Ainsi, elle ressent deux sortes de douleurs: l’une physique et l’autre mentale. C’est comme si un homme était blessé par une flèche et qu’on lui en lançait une seconde juste après; il sentirait la douleur de chacune des deux flèches reçues. De même, lorsqu’une personne ordinaire ressent une douleur physique, elle s’inquiète, s’attriste et se lamente; elle se frappe la poitrine, pleure et se désespère. Ainsi, elle ressent deux sortes de douleurs: l’une physique et l’autre mentale.

« Ressentant une douleur, la personne y résiste avec amertume. Du fait de cette résistance et de cette amertume, une tendance sous-jacente de résistance à la douleur physique remonte à la surface de son esprit. Sous l’effet de cette douleur, elle se tourne vers la recherche de plaisirs sensoriels. Pourquoi ? Parce qu’une personne ordinaire ne voit aucune échappatoire à la douleur en dehors des plaisirs des sens. Du fait qu’elle recherche le bonheur dans les plaisirs sensoriels, une tendance sous-jacente d’avidité pour les sensations agréables remonte à la surface de son esprit. Elle n’a pas connaissance de la réalité ; elle ne sait pas que toutes les sensations agréables apparaissent puis disparaissent, qu’elles sont aussi attirantes que dangereuses et qu’il est difficile d’y échapper. N’ayant pas cette connaissance, une tendance sous-jacente à l’ignorance des sensations neutres remonte à la surface de son esprit. Qu’elle ressente du plaisir, de la douleur ou une sensation neutre, cette personne est comme enchaînée par ses ressentis, elle s’y identifie complètement. Voilà pourquoi il est dit que c’est une personne ordinaire, quelqu’un qui est piégé par la naissance, le vieillissement et la mort, par le chagrin, les lamentations, la douleur, la tristesse et le désespoir. Quelqu’un qui est enchaîné par la souffrance.

« Par contre, moines, lorsque le noble disciple bien entraîné ressent une douleur physique, il ne s’inquiète pas, ne s’attriste pas, ne se lamente pas; il ne se frappe pas la poitrine, ne pleure pas et ne désespère pas non plus. Il ne ressent qu’une seule sorte de douleur : une douleur physique, pas une douleur mentale. C’est comme si un homme était blessé par une flèche et n’en recevait pas une seconde juste après; il percevrait la sensation causée par une seule flèche. De même, lorsqu’un noble disciple bien entraîné ressent une douleur physique, il ne s’inquiète pas, ne s’attriste pas, ne se lamente pas; il ne se frappe pas la poitrine, ne pleure pas et ne désespère pas non plus. Il ne ressent qu’une seule sorte de douleur: une douleur physique.

« Conscient de cette sensation douloureuse, il n’y résiste avec amertume. De ce fait, aucune tendance sous-jacente de résistance à la douleur physique ne remonte à la surface de son esprit. Sous l’effet de cette douleur, il ne se tourne pas vers la recherche du plaisir sensoriel. Pourquoi? Parce qu’un noble disciple bien entraîné sait que l’on peut échapper à la douleur autrement que par le plaisir des sens. Du fait qu’il ne recherche pas le bonheur dans les plaisirs sensoriels, aucune tendance sous-jacente d’avidité pour les sensations agréables ne remonte à la surface de son esprit. Il a connaissance de la réalité; il sait que toutes les sensations agréables apparaissent puis disparaissent, qu’elles sont aussi attirantes que dangereuses et qu’il est difficile d’y échapper. Ayant cette connaissance, aucune tendance sous-jacente à l’ignorance des sensations neutres ne remonte à la surface de son esprit. En ressentant du plaisir, de la douleur ou une sensation neutre, il n’est aucunement enchaîné par ses ressentis, il ne s’y identifie absolument pas. Voilà pourquoi il est dit que c’est un noble disciple bien entraîné, quelqu’un qui n’est pas piégé par la naissance, le vieillissement et la mort, par le chagrin, les lamentations, la douleur, la tristesse ou le désespoir. Quelqu’un qui n’est pas enchaîné par la souffrance.

« Moines, voilà quelle est la différence, la distinction, le signe distinctif entre le noble disciple bien entraîné et une personne ordinaire. Le sage qui a pleinement réalisé le Dhamma n’est pas charmé par les objets désirables selon les critères du monde et les situations non désirables selon les critères du monde n’éveillent en lui aucune résistance. Désir et aversion n’existent plus en lui. Il a atteint l’autre rive. »

To paraphrase:

Whilst physically incarnated pain is very likely, how you respond to this phenomenon is up to you. You have a choice.

Pain is inevitable, suffering optional.

None the Wiser

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

Not long back from a visit to Saint Hellier Jersey where I saw a consultant rheumatologist. They suggested that there is no extra immune-stuff active in my skeletal problems and that most of my “random” inflammation events are probably so-called gout.

There is a lot to unpack mentally and in terms of feelings. There is a question, “did I really live like that once upon a time? Really?”

In the space of a few weeks, the consultant was the second to note and comment upon my recently measured elevated haemoglobin levels. Which could be due to my prior smoking, my COPD, genetic causes or living at elevations during early adolescence. Others causes like blood cancer are very unlikely.

In nearly every medical situation the fab three are rolled out as the most likely cause. The trio of obesity, booze and fags are the go to default diagnosis. In the UK there is a bit of fetish about BMI. It is a well-used mantra. This trio may have a confirmation bias effect. I am / have been triply holy.

In the 1994-5 when the people at St Thomas’ London were looking into the haem thing it was put down to smoking. They bled me on a regular basis to try to drop my haemoglobin levels. It was a part of a whole host of “lab-rat” tests that I had done back then. I was a very cooperative rat, happy to be in anyone’s research programme. This probably rules out esoteric causes.

The most surprising thing with the consultant was their surprise that there was no bone density follow up after me falling and breaking the head / neck of my femur. I fell only from standing in the kitchen at the age of 55. The drop was well under one metre. The rationale was that this was a major break from only a small fall. There could have been something wrong with /weakening my bones. I am male and osteoporosis or osteopenia is uncommon at that age. They were surprised that it was not investigated. They may suggest some follow up tests in a letter.

They were also surprised at the severity of my hip osteoarthritis and the near complete lack of motion, sideways.

Here is something that I may have picked up. When people note or examine me, they perhaps transfer some imagining as to how it might feel / affect them if they were in the same condition. They may see a bleak future.  I have had a number of people talk about quality of life to me. Given my flexibility and pain, it might inhibit their current life-style in which they “do” stuff. There is a bit of a shudder. “What if that happened to me?” The advice is to have a bilateral operation so as to have “quality of life”. My serene quality of life far from the loud and maddening crowd may not appeal to them. Quality of life is very subjective.

So, does one cling and try to maintain an active quality of life according to the common view, feeling miserable every time life stops you from doing what you once did and feel you ought to do?

Or do you simply adjust to your new reality, to come to terms with your lot?

Philosophically I suspect that modern medicine is bad in a Darwinian sense for human evolution. The weak and the sick can live and breed. They can live to old age. People have children at a later age increasing the prevalence and propagation of birth defects and damaged genes. Humanity will live longer but it will be sicker and less healthy.

Sounds a bit eugenic…but we are seeing the “success” of modern medicine impinge of health services and economies.

If karma has caused me to have badly arthritic hips, is it wise to try to outsmart karma by having a modern operation?

Ok, I was born in a time where such things are possible but is that a temptation of our times, trying to have life on my own terms? Maybe I should simply settle my karmic debt and endure quietly without complaining?

I am speculating that maybe I need to stop taking any medication whatsoever. It is not making me happy this endless merry-go-round.

As I said, I am none the wiser…

Being a Part of a Wider Story

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

We all have stories about our lives which we tell to others, we have the so-called curriculum vitae which we use to gain {or otherwise} employment. More often than not we may be bigged-up in our own version of our events, our narrative assimilation. Rarely do we cast ourselves villain.  In our stories there are other people, other cast members, upon whom we may apportion blame. The “baddies” are not us or ours. There is propaganda and PR about our role in the world. To imagine that we recollect and then retell with 100% accuracy is delusional. Our perception is not omniscient and our bias remains. Our stories contain fiction and are skewed.

–

–

From time to time events can happen which can get us to completely re-evaluate our lives and the events therein. Our erstwhile self-diagnosed angelic roles may be called into question. How we see someone can change dramatically and that can unpick our previous narratives.

I can envisage this story, told piecemeal in the blog, being part of a much wider picture. One that could attract media attention and upend many things. For example, were I to be outed as a tulku then everyone who has ever interacted with me might change their story. There may be a few lines in a newspaper and even a wiki page. People could have an interesting snippet to add to conversation over dinner. Some might view an incarnation as a science academic interesting, if only for a fleeting moment. Before they watch the next TikTok.

“When I knew him, he was a right piss artist…Tsk, Tsk.”

In other contexts, some might imagine tremendous luck and an auspicious meeting.

This is of course hypothetical. In this corner of the internet, I am not a part of a wider story. It is / I am unknown. But you never know when our stories might come crashing down.

Because of what I can envisage I am pretty confident that I could handle it. Not that I am likely to need it.

Unless people are monitoring this blog, only a tiny few people know. If it is being monitored then that too adds to some wider story, which in the fullness of time might emerge. It adds flavour and spice. Secrecy is always a tasty plot line.

We sometimes are a part in a wider story of which we are almost completely unaware.

You the reader may be a part of one, which you may or may not ever become aware of.

One day everything you thought you knew, might change.

Then again it might stay the same.