Author: quantumdreamer

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The Stage of the Forerunner and Experimentation

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

In the Blue Books Opus Kuhl suggests that the stage of the forerunner might change into the start to the externalisation of the so-called hierarchy, mooted for this year. He suggests that many experiments would be being carried out in preparation for this externalisation. By this I guess he means some kind of incarnation.  As is well known in military circles no plan ever survives first contact intact. The blue print he provided in that opus is over 70 years old.

Various people around the globe are getting further instructions as it were even though he says that he took the fifth initiation in 1875 as an old man making him something like 200 earth years old today. The scientific establishment is very unlikely to believe in telepathic rapport by / with a being who outlives the Guiness book of records most aged. Common sense suggests a measure of frailty and a lack of truth / reality.

He suggests that many experiments will fail. Each failure providing insight into later method and approach. The gist being that the more initiations some being has taken, the less like common or garden humanity they will be. If I understand it correctly direct physical plane contact would be very uncomfortable for the initiates of higher degree and some are / were being trained specifically to endure this process.

The initiates of first and second degree will have much more in common with “normal” people. Life in the throng would be less uncomfortable.

When a ship sails it is always the prow which bears the brunt. Those engaged in the stage of the forerunner can be likened to the prow. It is those who will carry the brunt of experimental failure. The failure must be irreversible because space-time is unidirectional on the physical plane. These failures will also unleash karma, a failure is a cause and it will have an effect rippling out into the web of life. Those who played a role in causing the failure when give an opportunity to soar, might accrue difficult karma. They missed the boat so to speak, and badly so.

I speculated earlier in this blog that those in power are unlikely to welcome such a putative externalisation. The purveyors of academic knowledge would not be keen on a master of wisdom usurping their deity at university.

At the moment the new president in the USA is not spreading goodwill, he is talking up very materialistic ideology and making retrograde steps pertaining to climate change in order to make more money. He is pushing a divisive and selfish agenda using techniques borrowed from the British in India of divide and rule. He is attracting sycophants from UK politics who want power by association with the don.

This might seem opposite to the light and goodwill flavour of the White Lodge but is does present an interesting backdrop because it makes the need for externalisation even more timely.

The world has changed markedly in the last seventy years.

Kuhl comments that it is only at the third initiation, the transfiguration, that the being on the receiving end is fully conscious of the events and procedure. I can confirm that this is the case because of the events of 26th April 2009. Kuhl implies that there may be first and second degree initiates amongst us, unaware of the fact, yet somehow sensitive and receptive to hierarchical impulse. Those on the lighted path will have goodwill and tend to be less graspingly selfish and materialistic. They probably won’t be nasty and unpleasant.

It might be useful to look at another meaning of initiate. To initiate something is to start something, to take the initiative. It is likely therefore that the initiates mooted by Kuhl will have something of an entrepreneurial mentality, getting things off the ground and starting new groups, new ways. Those who go first are forerunners, they are path finders, explorers and pioneers. It is clear from history that pioneering does not come with a high life expectancy. The status quo never likes new blood, new kids on the block. Pioneering often fails, at least at first. Soon others come.

I speculated earlier some initiates might find their way into academia others into politics dependent upon which ray they are upon. My rough perusal of new age groups associated with the Opus has shown that psychology trained people are interested, there are artists and writers. I have not come upon many physicists, though I know of one other. For some Astrology is a way in. It is not my cup of tea.

The world is tense place just now. There are many problems which humanity is struggling to face / solve. The Elastoplast approach to problem solving or as Johnson called it whack-a-mole is not really working. The change must be much more profound otherwise humanity will continue to fight both metaphorically and on earth, fires.

My prediction is that things will have to get very bad indeed before humanity is ready to face reality and knuckle down to make the hard choices needed. It has gotten vane, distracted and complacent. The just one mouse click away mentality has it taking way too many things for granted.

We shall see if Kuhl’s prediction comes true. According to the Opus the general council of the Great White Lodge is scheduled for the end of this year.

I wonder will it be by Zoom or Cisco Webex this year…

Obsessive About Coypu – Moi?

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The little buggers came through the electric fence and got shocked as evidenced by a disturbed fence. They tried for an alternate exit and failed. They got shocked twice. So they are getting acustomed. The less expensive option before buying a 2.8 Joule energiser is to put in an extra barrier. From the tracks in the mud it was the Coypu twins last night.

This what they do to our lotuses. Taken this morning.

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Last year they were deterred and we had a magnificent display of lotuses. We need deterrence before spring.

So I laid another strand of defence right on the river bank where they come in.

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They will get double whammy before they get to their dinner.

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Two shocks in quick succession might deter…

Otherwise I am going to start looking on line for some second hand lasers and mirrors…

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The Philosophy of Personal Identity

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The killer awoke before dawn
He put his boots on
He took a face from the ancient gallery
And he walked on down the hall

“The End” by The Doors

I found by experimentation that if a pub was a little crowded of a Friday night, putting the song “The End” on the Juke box several times was causal of a marked thinning out of people density.

If one were to take too many masks from the ancient gallery one might end up with a split personality or a dissociative identity / multiple personality disorder.

“Dissociative identity disorder (DID), previously known as multiple personality disorder (MPD), is one of multiple dissociative disorders in the DSM-5, ICD-11, and Merck Manual. It has a history of extreme controversy.

Dissociative identity disorder is characterized by the presence of at least two distinct and relatively enduring personality states. The disorder is accompanied by memory gaps more severe than could be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.”

From Wikipedia

I think it is generally held that having a fairly stable sense of personal identity is a sign of mental health, though many can have an identity crisis in which said set of views and processes, the identity, are called into question. After crisis one might arrive at a changed personal identity, that change could be small or large it is unlikely however to be an utterly complete change. The notion of self-plays a big role in modern psychiatry, dissolution of self leads to liberation is Buddhism etc. Self-esteem which we hear these days is under threat partially because of all the imaginary imagery. Petabytes of doctored pictures provide an illusory ideal yardstick by which to measure inadequacy.

The sense of self might have a strong component of profession. There may be qualities and descriptors to which one subscribes. These may change during life. The thing is I don’t think that many people actually know themselves very well, which suggests that their self-image, self-description and personal legend are at best inaccurate. This does not prevent life from going on as an ersatz. Not everyone needs to fathom the depths.

Whilst one is fully engaged in the common currents of life and the angular momentum of the daily hamster wheel there is little time for reflection and discovery. The pace of life is too fast to bother. Crisis can change this.

I have heard it said that many who go on a 30 day silent solo retreat, struggle. This is because without the accoutrements of self and a lifestyle, the notion of self starts to fall away. This can be very scary. Some may get scarred. Others come out the other side less obsessed by notion of self, less attached to this and have little or no urge to defend anything even minorly contradictory to the illusory narrative of self. Other people are not holding you to this self-image which you have spent much time projecting into the world and your relationships. You are not bound by a self-narrative to the same extent.

For a number of years, I was an evangelical vegan. Then my notion of self had veganism as a core part. Others saw me as a vegan, perhaps annoyingly evangelical, to sit down at table with them and eat beef steak was a game changer for them and for me. I was bricking it that they would call me a hypocrite. They had a sudden change of view.

Self and identity refer to similar things. I could say that I identify as a heterosexual male. But I don’t really, it is a side effect of my dangly bits, chromosomes and residual sexual orientation.

The ninth aspect of the stalker’s rule is:

“A stalker never reveals his identity, not even to himself.”

The notion of stalking is to stalk perceptions, primarily one’s own perceptions. If you have strong descriptor of self and a fixed identity then you will perceive everything through the possible colouration of that lens. It will provide a perceptual and conceptual bias. If you have no identity or no fixed identity the range and scope of possible perceptions increases.

When I first started stalking my perception, I started with the ninth aspect instead of the first. The implications of this aspect of rule are very wide ranging on the one hand and utter simplicity on the other.

If you don’t say things like, “I am / was a senior lecturer in physical chemistry of Welsh extraction, with left wing leaning politics and profound concern about anthropogenic climate change with a wife and a nice house in the country.” Then people will not know where to place you. But this kind of little sentence forms the basis of many person-person interactions. There is a desire for such a one liner for people to start to feel comfortable about who and what they are dealing with. On one level that one liner is true. But it says nothing about what I am like nor how my world view is configured. I do not identify with that sentence even though it is correct. This kind of statement is a part of ritual sniffing where humans metaphorically sniff each other’s arses, like dogs.

If people ask, I can now say that I am retired. If you say it in a particular way few inquire as to retired from what. Although I am retired from in-world quotidian interactions I am not retired in an absolute sense. I have not carked it yet.

At first glance and upon fleeting interaction I seem pretty much like everyone else. I’ll speculate that once my very different world view was rubbed up against, I would see less normal. If I did not wear my normal society mask and let my true colours emanate, I would differ markedly. Just how markedly is impossible to explain, it would have to be experienced. This is because I have used over two decades erasing self and weakening any identification, especially with the form side of life. At first pass a psychiatrist might be concerned, especially if they were taking notes upon how I see myself, what I like, what I don’t like. They may reach for their bible, the diagnostic manuals, excited.

If I say that I learned at an early age to blend and be a chameleon they might raise an eyebrow. But this is a true if metaphorical statement. I went from an “experimental” late sixties Bristol primary school where I was allowed to play chess instead of do art, to a traditional Mines School deep in the Australian outback. For safety I learned to blend. A sore thumb pom quickly spoke Strine.

If you have a sense of identity, whether strong or otherwise, it is difficult to imagine what it is like to have none. Group and group mind comprise a subset of identity. There are millions of red cap wearing MAGA devotees who might identify as non-woke anti-liberal nonce. Group identity remains identity and it is this which is aback and casual of wars.

Many people identify as Christian but in no way do they practise the teachings of Christ, they might better call themselves old-school Jehovian. Brutal destructive vengeance is not a Christian trait to my understanding.

A big contribution to sense of identity is peer group. In the peer group people share stories about their lives and others keep them beholden, to an extent, to these stories. There may be underlying assumptions and expectations on identity.

If you identify to / as anything it can be used to leverage and manipulate you. You can manipulate others with/by their identity.

Look you are eating steak! I always knew you were a hypocritical self-righteous bastard, shame on you. If you do this for me, I won’t tell the others.

I’m a Lumberjack and a Fire Salamander.

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We have been under the influence of Tempête Eowyn for the last 18 hours or so. This means we keep an eye on the vide sanitaire. Because with persistent rainfall it can start to flood. The pump is in and the mains supply extension in the veranda. We have a lull before the next high winds and heavy rainfall due Sunday.

Yesterday afternoon while checking the vide, the space under the house, we saw a Fire Salamander.

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{not my image}

We had one previously outside which drowned in the water bowls for the stray cats.

This one had come out to play in the darkness of the vide because of the rain. We closed the door and let it go about its business.

“Despite its wide distribution and abundance, it is classified as Vulnerable on the IUCN Red List due to its susceptibility to infection by the introduced fungus Batrachochytrium salamandrivorans, which has caused severe declines in fire salamanders in parts of its range.”

We are quite lucky here we get slow worms, grass snakes and couleuvre vipérine (Natrix maura). To see them swimming in the pond is quite a treat.

During the night the winds were high and doing the rounds this morning I noted one of the poplars has cracked at its base and is being held up by the marsh willow in the “swamp”.

The coypu have not disturbed the witness sticks overnight.

The weather radar suggests a slight break in the rain around mid-day. The poplar needs moved before the next wind. The plan is to attach a rope to the base of the poplar and pull. It should fall step wise. I’ll don my lumberjack shirt and get the chainsaw ready. It looks like it will make good firewood. The difficulty being that thanks to Ciaran all the covered wood store is full.

Maybe I’ll store it in the relative dry under the pines…

The Problem with Introverts…

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I’ll kick this off with a joke I used to use on my MBTI courses which I gave.

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An Introvert Joke

It’s a rainy day. The reception teacher is getting the kids ready to go home. She struggles for 5 minutes with one child’s boots, tugging them on and getting them laced up.

Just as she’s finished, the I child says, “those aren’t my boots”. The teacher sighs and spends another few minutes undoing them and taking them off.

Just as she’s finished, the child adds, “They’re my brother’s. My mum said I had to wear them today.”

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In the MBTI context I have an INFJ preference. I score very high for introversion and judging but my intuition {N} score is close to the maximum available. That intuition is introverted so largely unseen. That means I have a highly organised orientation which is strictly timed with big picture thinking. If people are late and chaotic I can get unsettled / peeved. People see my warm caring feeling F side but I can easily flip to the more logical T side.

For years I acted out ENTJ because I thought that was what blokes were meant to be.

Over the years many people have expressed an opinion about what I am like, who I am, what I am capable off, what my predilections are. They may have expected some kind of response. Rarely did they get one. I am not keen on arguing the toss. It is a stupid waste of time. Some people learn by testing their ideas out in conversation and may expect a push back. Why should I do their work for them? As an introvert I very rarely offer up information or opinion. If I do it will be in a tiny stepwise manner. If things are joined up in my inner world, I have no need to express it. Viewed from one angle few if any get to see what might be called “me”. One could be mysterious and say that I am like an iceberg with hidden depths and not a lettuce like Liz.

I have noted that if you don’t agree or disagree with what someone says they imagine it to be correct, perhaps more correct than it actually is. I could be wrong in this but my intuition can be very reliable. It is not my problem if they have the wrong end of the stick.

People who are fond of bullshitting whether mutual or otherwise, can feel uncomfortable because I don’t play the BS / hype / exaggerate / big up game. Women are less prone to this discomfort than men. Who seem to need ritual sniffing and metaphorical at urinal wall pissing contests. In any case I now have an enlarged prostate. I can be very deadpan and uninterested. There is no uncomfortable silence for me.

It is funny in doctor’s waiting rooms. I do not arse about on my ‘phone, I do not read the magazines and never break the silence in an attempt to have a chat. Someone often breaks. They try to engage. Here I can apologize and explain that I do not speak French well. This nearly always restores the silence. Many are uncomfortable without noise.

In one particular framework my predilection is for dreaming and not (s)talking and I am “in” the place of power and dreaming, the South. I have met a number of people who give courses on dreaming and lucid dreaming in particular. Each of these has been by predilection a (s)talker. Which roughly maps with extroversion. They like techniques like waking in the middle of the night, working with apps and finding their hands to prove that they are in a lucid dream. They interrupt the dream to direct it. In one sense they have talked at an experienced dreamer. They were used to being seen as the expert.

It is possible that they could have learned vast amounts about dreaming from me. But the biggest hindrance to dreaming is talking. They will never know what might have been because I felt no need to big myself up or compare dreaming cock size. I did not need to name drop and show how “in” I was with the dreaming community.

The problem with introverts is that if you talk at them. They will stay schtum and say little or nothing. If you ask, they might just respond, depending on wind direction and the phase of the moon.

It is even worse in my case because I have no need to play the itchy back game because I am no longer in that world. There is currently no need for me to join in…

House Renovation – Dead People – Dream Within a Dream 23-01-2025

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This dream was highly unusual firstly because it finished ~ 8 AM, which is late and secondly because of the utter vividness of the last segment. The wife said that I was thrashing about in bed before waking.

As usual I am aware that I am dreaming. We are having a terraced house renovated. It is one of the many Victorian houses in London. The wife and I are going to visit to see how things are going. The front door is wide open, so we knock, shout hello and go in. There are a few young decorators including a black man in overalls in the ground floor back and a young white woman in dungarees up a ladder. From her hair cut and demeanour I know that she is a butch lesbian. She has a roll up cigarette in her mouth and her hair is tied with a red kerchief. We ask how it is going and she says that the are pretty much on schedule.

The wife needs to get the tube to Wimbledon for work and I know we are in South London. As we go to leave the woman says to me, “as-salāmu ʿalaykum.” I say the same thing back and she says no I must say, “wa ʿalaykumu s-salām”. Which I do and we have a laugh. I say, “see you soon”. I know that she is not Muslim.

As we leave the property the wife is partially down the street. I call for her to stop. I am wearing black knee length riding boots. I take these off and put them in the pile of debris in the front “garden”. I catch up with the wife barefoot. We head off to the underground.

Later in the dream I return to the house around dusk. I can’t at first see it. Then I see a bright pastel blue two seater sofa in the bay window and bright royal blue walls. I know this to be the place. So again, I knock and shout hello before entering. The doors are unlocked. In the back room I find the black man he has finished for the day and his overalls are on the back of a chair. He is sat looking at something on the dresser. He has round wire rimmed spectacles on and I know that although he is decorating he is scholarly. We inspect an antique radio made out of finest wood veneer. It is playing a radio station. The wires are old school entwined pair. Slowly with a jeweller’s screw driver he lifts the top off so that we can look at the mechanism. Where I was expecting some valve amplification of signal someone has patched in a FET amplifier circuit. We both comment that this devalues the piece but both agree it is a thing of beauty. He asks me what the story of the house is.

I say that the previous owner lived here for around ninety years and before that his dad. The house has been in the family since construction. He has recently died.

At this moment an older man appears he is dressed in tweeds. He asks, “what did you say about my son?” I say that I did not know him personally but the rumour is that he was a very genteel and nice man. I know that I am talking to the ghost father of the previous owner. He shows me to a cupboard where there is a magnificent brass telescope and tripod for bird watching. I ask what the arrangement for picking up the keys is when the decorating is finished. He says that someone from the office will be in touch. I note a very feint hint of Afrikaans accent. I leave and go home.

Next, I awake with a start in a double bed with crisp linen sheets and a polished wooden frame in a dark antique wood. There is an antique dresser made to the same high standard and of the same dark wood (mahogany?). I am in the down stairs bedroom of the house. There is a window looking out onto the back “garden”. I know in the dream that I am dreaming the room and the bed. I must wake up so that I can get back to my normal bed. On the dresser are two highly unusual pill bottles. They are bright lurid purple with small white metallic bottle tops. I try to read the handwritten labels. I cannot discern clearly. The glass of the bottles is opaque. I wonder if I am supposed to take them in the dream. I decide not to.

In the room next which is now of large proportions I see the father and son dressed in a manner of the early part of the twentieth century looking at a large table with maps and charts on. There is an architectural drawing on an easel. The father is smoking an old style pipe and has a watch on a chain. They do not see me.

I go back to the bedroom to try to figure out what to do.

I lie down on the bed and something inside draws me to look at the window. I see a female face pressed against the window. I am utterly startled in the dream, shocked. I clasp my hands to my chest and say “fuck”.  The woman sees that she has startled me and apologises profusely. She gestures for me to open the back door. I do this and let her in. She says that she has not been in the house for a long time. She is dressed in a modest sized vintage bustle dress of a maroon colour. She says that she has come to observe what is going on. I note a South African accent. She says that back in the day her father had a roving eye and that they suspected he had a mistress in London. He used to travel regularly between home, the plantation, and London. She thinks it possible that her “brother” got the house instead of her. Implied is that the house owner is her half-brother by another woman.

The dream ends and I wake with a start. Where did that come from?

The first thought was of a reversionary property the wife has and what if someone has just died.

Believing Without Concluding

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Luckily, I can believe something without coming to a conclusion about its veracity or accuracy or degree of right. I don’t have to win an argument or be right. I can even hold multiple views about the same situation without needing to pick a favourite and I don’t need to soap box, to be dogmatic or adamant. The dream this morning highlighted a fundamental difference in mentality between me and where I once worked. I was not ambitious nor obsessed with winning and league table position. My life did not hang on success or kudos. In many ways I did not belong there amongst. So, it worked out as it did. Dandy.

I think a safe “conclusion” is that the dreams in this blog are not normal or average. This makes me something of an outlier, an anomaly even.  This “conclusion” is uncoloured and non-emotive. It is not significant.

I can see how some of the “data” in these dreams can be interpreted using various narratives, for example Toltec. In which case I belong to a certain predilection as a dreamer and not a stalker.  I am a slightly different class of being. I think it fair to see a mild philosophical bent in my approach to life.

I can try on a working hypothesis, see if there is a partial fit. If there is I note it but have no need to conclude. Such and such is consistent with so and so. No Biggy. Next.

My own experience is, that at least in my case, the law of cause & effect or karma is applicable. I have a mind set of trying to address karma rather than going “phew got away with it, at least for now”. I’ll speculate that this again is not normal or average. To take responsibility for the actions AND consequences in life is not something most share. They fail to see the link of causality because that can be mightily inconvenient. People suffer from entitlement issues and believe, for example, that they are entitled to bomb the living daylights out of a people. They deserve to enact bloody revenge. It is justice no matter how disproportionate. They may be unable to calmly and cooly think it through. They make concentrated poverty adjacent to their opulent wealth and do not foresee consequences. Blinded by rage they do not solve, lashing out is not the most evolved thing to do.

In terms of liberation. One cannot achieve liberation whilst one has unresolved karma, it remains like a weight holding you back. The karma of stubbornness is rich and like most karma can have an ironic flavour. If you don’t believe in karma, it is currently your karma so to be. Karma is patient and one day it will make you understand. You may get knelt.

I know, I believe, that I understand the implications of much of the material in the blog. But I will never conclude that I am right about this and exclusively so. There could be many other explanations or none at all. I am just constructing a temporary view for my own amusement. Like a sand castle I can knock it down. I won’t be explicit and detailed. People like to argue the toss especially with others on the internet.

Not concluding is the antithesis of modern education methods. We are trained to give the {only} “right” answer, to justify it and make a conclusion or two. That way we can gain marks and pass exams; we can earn qualifications.

Students want to know, “tell me what the answer is”. Sometimes there are no answers within the common mundane context. We can ask Siri or Alexa. I suspect that humanity is getting ever lazier and may one day lose the ability to think for itself.

People might only believe if the norm decrees something right and correct. If consensus deems. But there can be different groups of consensuses who will fight for the dominance of being right.

I don’t think that conclusions and answers are evolutionary. They fixate, anchor and coral.

Unexploded Karmic Bombs Dream 28-02-23.

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Here is the most vivid segment of last night’s dream.

I know that the dream is set in England, it is in London, the home counties and Cambridgeshire. In the dream the lighting of the gardens is pink-yellow and of the in between. I cannot be sure if it is dawn or dusk, nor if the light has been altered by Saharan sand in the air.

In the dream I am indoors looking out onto successive back gardens which vary in size and composition. I am moving between gardens and viewpoints.  In London, I see in a number of different gardens, small bombs fall from the sky, one or two per garden. They land tail fin up and I know that these bombs are karmic bombs, which will detonate one day. The karma will then be irrevocably released.

The same pattern is repeated for several gardens which I know to be in the home counties close to London. The bombs are of varying sizes, some big and others quite small. The scene moves on to a bigger garden which I know to be in Cambridgeshire. Here again bombs fall from the sky and implant in the earth. They are of varying size and one of them, which is ticking, is quite large.

I know in the dream that people do not believe in karmic bombs and as a consequence they will not take any action to address karma which they think may not manifest. People think that they have gotten away with it. I know in the dream that this attitude is a very grave mistake. There are more karmic bombs to fall from the sky.

Dream ends…

Gandalf Likes Chicken Jalfrezi…

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As part of the morning routine, I take any waste and the coffee grounds out to the composters. I usually leave the pot and the cafetiere there and go to check the marker / witness sticks around the pond. We need to get the coypu situation sorted before the lotuses start.

Yesterday I had some leftover chicken jalfrezi in a saucepan. The recipe contains turmeric, paprika and tomatoes. I left the saucepan on top of the composter and did my rounds. Now Gandalf is the young female stray cat. She is both grey and white and hence her name. Gandalf the grey battled the Balrog underground and as consequence was reborn as Gandalf the white. Her white fur is very white.

When I got back from my rounds, she was there on top of the composter with her head in the saucepan licking the jalfrezi sauce. She picked up some smears of yellow-orange sauce on her face. There is still some residual colour this morning. Turmeric can be difficult to shift. She seemed to like the jalfrezi. What about vindaloo? That remains to be seen.

As a result, I have had to change my routine and not leave pots on the composter.

This morning’s round reveals that the dastardly coypu twins have found / made a new hole in the fence. The witness sticks near that hole have been moved. The ones near the electric fence remain relatively untouched.

I have 25m of fencing with 2mm thick wire arriving later this week. This afternoon there is no rain and we are predicted the dizzy heights of 7 °C. So, I shall rewire the electric fence to be a four strand fence with 4-5 cm gaps between strands. I’ll popover into the swamp and the DMZ in the neighbouring wild and strim their side of the fence.

That means when the new fencing arrives, I am good to go…

Imperial College Office – Explanations Dream 21-01-2025

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Here is last night’s dream. I can think of no reason on this side of the channel for why I had this dream.

The dream starts in my old office in the Department of Chemistry, Imperial College, South Kensington Campus of nearly twenty years ago. Word has gotten round that I am leaving. Several of my colleagues come into the office, they are in a jocular, non-serious mood. They are not aware that I mean business and am not bluffing or negotiating.

I say to them that I do not believe that they can conceptualize the notion of me quitting without pressure or reward. They don’t get that I am doing the opposite of what most people are trying to do, namely, to secure their position and job. They think that I have gone mental, and have mental health problems, that I have somehow lost the plot.

I say that mentality divergence and novel behaviours are often misunderstood and frowned upon. I know that it is a complete non sequitur for them.

I say that acts of renunciation are Christian or monastic behaviours. They look dumfounded. I say that I may be prone to such things.

I say besides I have my book of dreams which I use to guide my life. There are hundreds of dreams. One of them says that he too has dreams and that he understands.

I say take me to human resources and I will sign the document now. We get up and move. At the door I pause and say maybe it might be better to wait until after the weekend to finalise because I have not yet told the wife.

The dream ends and I think that this was out of the blue and weird for something that old.