Author: quantumdreamer

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Having One of My Clumsy Days

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I have started with the manufacture of my dice. I have cut a cross section of walnut root with the chainsaw so that it is about 15mm thick. Today I made it into rough cuboids using my hatchet. I quickly realised when chopping kindling that I am having one of my clumsy days. It is probably not wise to play with a sharp knife. It will wait for another day.

Last autumn I was getting nerve tingling in my left hand, two fingers and the thumb. In 2007 I lost nearly all the strength in my left arm due to a herniated cervical spine disc in the c7-c6-c5 region. I got this as a result of an ippon seio nage judo throw at a sports dojo. On and off some symptoms return nearly twenty years later.

I had an MRI scan September 2023.

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There is clear narrowing around my spinal cord. There is osteo-arthritis. The MRI showed I also have a right sided cervical herniated disc c6-c5. When I drive for more than half an hour I get tingling in my right fingers. It is present now.

Most of the time it is non symptomatic.

Last autumn I visited a brain surgeon / neurosurgeon. It was bizarre. He prescribed be a tapered dose of prednisolone starting at 100mg per day for a week!! That tapered off over a month and I would have had no sleep and been a right royal pain in the arse for a month. He also prescribed an injection of steroid into my cervical spine. From what I have read this is no longer best practice. I did not have any of these interventions.

On my clumsy days the gravitational pull of the earth is somehow enhanced. Everything which can drop to the floor does. There was a bit of left sided tremor too, today. These are probably symptoms on the cervical pathology.

If these symptoms don’t go in the next few days, I may go and see the GP. The one thing I have been doing more of, of late, is screen time on this computer. I can easily stop that….

Science and Divination

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My book on Mo the Tibetan System of Divination by the polymath Jamgon Mipham arrived last night and I have had a quick scan through. Like many things Tibetan when something has negative aspect they don’t hold back.

“The Demon of Death – If RA PA – the demon of death – appears, then the symbol is destruction.”

I’ll speculate that if you were to ask most physical scientists if there is any merit in divination techniques, they might say it is a bit of fun but there is no reality to the predictions, divination is a superstition

I have published in Physical Review Letters, Chemical Physics and Faraday Transactions. This is evidence that at least at one time I was able to “do” modern science at a fair level.

In the early nineties I was in a bookshop in Tring and this copy of the I Ching literally fell off the shelf and onto the floor by my feet.

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You could argue that this was purely coincidental or that the universe was telling me something. One could say that the I Ching wanted me, was seeking me out. I have consulted on an off for three decades. I have done consultations for myself and for others. In some cases, people’s faces have gone white with the “accuracy” of how the oracle fits life circumstance. Some of these were scientists! In the late nineties I went on my first “New Age” course with Jay Ramsay a co-author of “I Ching the Shamanic Oracle of Change”. People on the course were suspicious of me because I was a “scientist” from a hardcore science and technology university.

What is safe to say is that a consultation nearly always opens up a new approach, or a new way of thinking about a situation, dilemma or problem. It adds a perspective.

In some cases when approached with the right attitude the fit of the advice to circumstance is uncanny. If you are a dick with the oracle, it can tell you so. Of course, this perceived fit could be my confirmation bias. I am not a premature conclusion sort of person and tend to keep an open mind. I have allowed consultations to alter my actions and orientation. Just like I do with dreams.

There are many that might consider this mumbo-jumbo.

I attended a foundation course in North American Indian shamanism. As a part of that we looked a Scandinavian Runic Shamanism. I carved my own set of runes out of slate. I was accustomed to wear runes around my neck on a cord. I gave lectures on physical chemistry wearing my home made runes. There is a divination system based on runes in which one blind selects the appropriate rune from a bag to advise on a question. The selected rune is compared to a guide book and the intuition invoked to answer the query.

Astrology does not light my candle.

But I do like Tarot and Numerology. I am not drawn to typical Tarot spreads, preferring only to use the major arcana.

Maybe I should go on “Fesshole” and confess to doing Tarot whilst at Imperial College…

In my Tibetan Dice dream I throw One One or Dhi Dhi

“A little later I see two dice. I see that they are carved out of a deep root of a tree and shaped and polished. It is a long process and a labour of love. These are my Tibetan dice. They are perfect cubes with sharp edges and corners. I hold them in my hand and throw the dice, and I see two faces each with a singular dark blue dot. I have thrown two. They are made of root and Tibetan. The workmanship is exquisite. I know the meaning of two and its significance.“

“The Jewelled Banner of Victory

If DHI DHI – the hoisted banner of victory – appears, then you are victorious and excel, like the raising of the banner of victors over every direction.  You are able to accomplish whatever activity you wish to do.”

DHI DHI is increasing and DHI transcendental wisdom, multi-coloured, mind and thoughts.

To dream an auspicious oracle is probably auspicious.

Up in the orchard there is a fallen Walnut tree, taken out by Tempest Ciaran on the first of November last year, the morning I had the dream. Some of the roots are exposed. I could fashion for myself two dice out of the root. Walnut is a very decorative wood.

I have been wondering what to do about the roots of late…

Until I have made the dice, I won’t consult the Mo.

The dream has pointed me at another method to explore…..

And Now the Darkness Spreads

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The politics of division and separation seem to have won in the USA. This means that for four more years it will be difficult to avoid the sound of Trump’s voice. To my ears his voice and tone is unpleasant.  I had enjoyed the relative respite. That is probably not the worst of it.

At around 5:30 AM this morning I had a dream / vision in which the visual field was slowly filling with very dark ink like substance. What light there was became mostly extinguished. And I knew that the darkness was spreading. The effect was like dropping black ink into water.

If he can remember and act on his rhetoric we are in for a sad time, a dangerous time. Nobody, no Western leader, is speaking out meaningfully about the barbarism in the Middle East, to do so is taboo. The political right will feel emboldened. Already the Trump sycophant-fans and mini-me are hailing the victory. Europe is bracing itself for tariffs. China probably does not care. How will Trump manage rocket man now he is cosying up to Putin? Is he jealous?

People do not understand that he has already lost his battle with power. He is spouting very nasty and evil thoughts. If he indeed pardons the mob, it will set a very dangerous precedent. He is in no way a “light” being.

It is difficult to predict how more power will twist and further drive him into the darkness, the unpleasantness. The next four years could be very retrograde. A climate change denier in charge of the USA will not help planetary warming one bit.

It looks like humanity is heading further down the shitter. The odds of a war against Iran have just shortened.

It feels heavy this morning…

Haircut – Social Self-image Puzzle

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The dreaming symbol of hair is social-self-image. The dream previous is the second one pointing at getting a haircut, popping out to get some money and the number 10. The earlier one in mid-September was set in a swish posh boutique in London, the one today more local. Before Covid I did get my haircut at a male barber in Guingamp. I have not been back since.

Having a haircut implies some kind of change in my social self-image. Tidying it up?

I am not at all concerned about my appearance and would perhaps look downmarket, even quasi-redneck to those who once knew me. About every 5-6 weeks or so the wife gives me a buzzcut at home. I have not combed my hair in over decade. When it is short there is no need. I live in army combat trousers, t-shirts and in winter a jumper.

In Buddhism hair can be called “ignorance grass” which you shave when you enter as a novice.

Outside of this marriage the only people I talk in any way socially to are the man who comes to cut the grass on the sit-on mower and the physiotherapist.  These are at most often bi-weekly and short.

I think of myself as physically strong for my age but struggle with flexibility and arthritis. I am not yet taking regular pain medication. I have seen a surgeon for him to assess if/when I need replacement hips. He was the man who put the Titanium pin in the head of my femur so that I could walk again after it bust. The wear and tear will only increase. I am pretty physically crocked. The ONS seems to think that on average there is ~50% chance that I will make 85. I disagree. That seems an awfully long time, luckily, I smoked and drank.

Primarily I see myself as a retired man, who has difficulty walking for a long time/distance who lives in a big house, with a big garden on a pension below that of the French minimum wage. I am married and by all “normal” metrics socially isolated. That does not bug me one inch.

In terms of likelihood, I will probably not do anything vaguely related to science again. Although I have read widely and perhaps have some knowledge, that is not much use to me and virtually nobody else is interested. My opinion is that what I know has no monetary value.

I have no idea how people see me. I am certainly not well known. Aside from the physiotherapist the people who have interacted with me the most in the last five or so years are the district nurses who care for the wife. They know a little about where and what I got up to two decades ago.

Socially I see myself as someone who does not like to interact and the usual social chit chat about the weather and how terrible the world is, is not my cup of tea. I used to hate finger-buffet death by canapé events.  I am pretty sure that my dislike of “normal” social interaction was a negative factor back when I was still in the world. It detrimentally affected my progression. But that is all by the by and nothing can be done to change the past.

I don’t see myself as someone that people might seek out or want to speak with. I don’t perceive myself as being welcome in certain circles. If I have anything left to offer it is not generally sought. I certainly am not going to big myself up or inflict myself on anyone. My life is sparse and most likely to remain that way or get even more sparse.

I guess that I don’t match expectations. There may be people who have an image of how I should be, how I should look. Who knows.

I am a little puzzled as to why my dreamer has highlighted social self-image because I don’t really have a use for one. I can easily be just another anonymous customer in the supermarket. The village pharmacy has closed down, they knew me a little in there. We now go to pharmacies in bigger towns.

We have has a loose Christmas drinks invite from the garden guy. He is all over the place and I am not convinced of materialisation. I am not sure I would want to go in any case.

Hmnn….

That is a rough go at describing my social self-image. Let’s see if there are more dreams on the subject…

Weird…

Haircut – Script Dream 04-11-2024

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Here are this morning’s dreams. I have put them together as one because although there was a gap there seems a connection.

I am in a hairdressers where people are speaking in French. It is pretty busy. It is my turn and I approach a barber’s chair. A young woman with dark hair approaches and puts a cover all around my neck and over my shoulders. She asks what I want done. In a mixture of French and English I explain that I would like a short back and sides and a scissor cut on top. I say that I used to have #2 clippers in the UK which translates to 6mm here. {Factual account}.

She starts cutting the hair on my right hand side of the head. She shows me some long grey hairs that she has cut off. She comments that they are in very poor condition. She asks if I use conditioner. No.

I know that I only have a single £10 note in my wallet. She says that she could wash and condition my hair. It would cost €17. I say that I could go out into the central square in Guingamp to withdraw money. She says that it would be free this time.

She continues to do my hair and notices a flaky patch of skin with some kind of small growth. She says that she could sort it out. It would take 210 sessions at €17.

There is a pause in the dream. She and her husband are now partially dressed. She is wearing jogging bottoms a small black sports bra. I am out of the chair and kneeling on the floor. She pulls my head to her bare stomach and continues to cut the left hand side of my hair. 

I know in the dream that this is all about my social self-image being tatty and old.

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I am at some big social gathering. We are all sat at round tables with ~8 people per table. It is a wedding of sorts. A representative of the groom comes over to me and asks if I will read the speech for the groom.  He would be honoured. I ask to see the speech before I agree. I look through the document which has emojis. I cannot see my self reading from this script. It comes from a place, a view, which I do not recognise nor could I emulate.

I explain to the representative that because I am cognitively different, I would struggle in trying to convey this script. I would rather that the groom did it. He takes the script back and there is an air of disappointment.

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Dream ends

The Tendency to Literal Dead Letter Interpretations – Nāga

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In our times there is, allegedly, a lot of fake news. People try to find titbits of “facts” to try and catch people out as proof of lying. It is almost like three year olds trying to get mummy or daddy to tell someone off or punish them. It is what I call sandpit politics. Some believe the bible verbatim and others use this verbatim interpretation to prove that it is not true, that there are errors. The hunt for the resting place of Noah’s Ark continues….

Two thousand years ago they did not have CGI nor for that matter AI. People were largely illiterate and stories had to be crafted in a way that people would remember. There was animistic religion. They had to speak in the parable of the times.

Take a look at the Mucalinda Sutta, – Mucalindavaggo.

Here soon after enlightenment Siddartha is sat deep in thought.

He might have been trying to figure out what to do next. “Ok so what next?”

Mucalindo Nāgarājā notes the incoming poor weather and wraps him in seven coils and protects his head with the hood of a king Cobra risen in threatening manner. They sit for seven days until the weather changes and Mucalinda morphs into a brahmin to praise Buddha the new Bhagavhad.

Naga can also mean Elephant, a semi divine Nāga part snake human who comes from another world Nāga-loka and Buddha is sometimes called Nāga-muni.

Iconography can be easily found with the nascent Buddha protected by a king cobra like Nāga with 1,5 or 7 heads. It is a core piece of iconography. It is core Buddhism.

In occult literature snakes and dragons are words use to hint at wise and sagacious beings, initiates and the like. In the Toltec tradition there are nagal/nagual beings who live in a nagual’s world an alternate assimilation of the one that is commonly held.

Snake is the dreaming symbol for wisdom or need for wisdom.

Rain is the process of life.

Seven is guidance or need for guidance.

Head is intuitive mentality.

Coil or circle is sobriety/ inclusiveness/ unity.

If we interpret this sutta like a dream. Siddartha having awoken as a Buddha had just radically changed his whole view on life the universe and everything. This was mind-blowing. Even for a Buddha. He would need time to assimilate and process things after his ordeal with Mara and the whole shebang. So, he sat in contemplation seeking guidance from his now Buddhic intuition looking at how to apply his Nāga – rājā {very big, king-snake, top notch wisdom} feeling protected by his new found knowledge and had insight, inner guidance, on how to use it to embrace and enlighten all the world.

And he said to himself, perhaps with a chuckle. His intuition had summed it all up for him

Blissful is solitude for one who is content, who has heard the Dhamma, who sees. Blissful is non-affliction with regard for the world, restraint for living beings. Blissful is dispassion with regard for the world, the overcoming of sensuality. But the subduing of the conceit “I am”— That is truly the ultimate bliss.

Wisdom Ripens Sentient Beings – Spooky

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Well, I have just ordered a translation of a book by Jamgön Ju Mipham Gyatso or Mipham the Great a famous Tibetan polymath about divination using Manjushri mantra by dice. Manjushri is the Bodhisattva of wisdom and is depicted with a sword to cut through ignorance and a book for wisdom and learning. {The perfection of Wisdom Sutras}

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For several years Manjushri mantra was a part of my chanting practice.

“Om ah ra pa tsa na dhi”

Wisdom ripens all sentient beings

I have just listened to Tsem Rinpoche on YouTube describe how dice for Mo divination are made from sandalwood…spooky if you look at my dream (previous) in which “my” dice are made from the root of a tree. He further states that divination and or knowledge can come in dreams to “advanced” practitioners.

From Wiki.

“Sandalwood is expensive compared to other types of woods. To maximize profit, sandalwood is harvested by removing the entire tree instead of felling at the trunk near ground level. This way wood from the stump and root, which possesses high levels of sandalwood oil, can also be processed and sold.”

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I have always considered Manjushri as the most neutral of figures, because knowledge and wisdom have no emotional turbulence attached. The feeling of Manjushri is always light.

It looks like I am also back to the Kalachakra Tantra again.

Freaky Friday….

Tibetan Dice Dream 1-11-2024

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This is one of a recent series of “out of the blue” dreams which seems to have little or no relevance to my current life circumstance and events therein.

I am shown a dice/die which is a cube with rounded corners. It has the feel of ivory and looks ancient. I know beyond doubt that it is a Tibetan dice. I know that Tibetan dice are unlike any other dice in the world because of their special properties. I can only see the face of the die with a singular dot to denote one. I know the others are there, but the dream zooms in.

A little later I see two dice. I see that they are carved out of a deep root of a tree and shaped and polished. It is a long process and a labour of love. These are my Tibetan dice. They are perfect cubes with sharp edges and corners. I hold them in my hand and throw the dice, and I see two faces each with a singular dark blue dot. I have thrown two. They are made of root and Tibetan. The workmanship is exquisite. I know the meaning of two and its significance,

Dream ends.

I had not heard of this but when I put Tibetan Dice into Google…

From Wikipedia

Mo (divination)

Mo (Tibetan: མོ་, Wylie: mo), is a form of divination that is part of the culture and religion of Tibet. The Tibetan people consult Mo when making important decisions about health, work or travel. Mo employs dice and there are books written by various lamas on interpretations for the casting of dice. The answers given by the Mo are regarded as coming from Manjushri, the Bodhisattva of wisdom. Mo is considered to represent a blend of Tibetan shaman traditions and Buddhist beliefs.

One Mo prediction manual was composed by Jamgon Ju Mipham Gyatso, a great scholar and saint of the Nyingmapa tradition of Tibetan Buddhism. This Mo prediction manual is based primarily upon the Kalachakra Tantra and supplementary explanations from the ‘Ocean of Dakinis’. To use this Mo divination, one must have a question in mind and roll the dice. The dice’s outcome will indicate an answer in the prediction manual. The answer in the manual should answer your question but may need some interpretation.

The Dalai Lama consults the Mo divination when making important decisions.

Losing Your Mind – Zen

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Some people might think that I am/was a complete nut job for getting out of a contract which would have paid 8000 euros a month tax free, over a decade ago. I must have been out of my mind. Others might think me whacko for a number of my beliefs and that I have lost my mind. Why would a trained scientist not strive for recognition and research funding. Why renounce his job at a world “top ten” university? He must be barking mad and batshit crazy to boot.

I have lost my mind but not in the way people might think.

In general, my mind / head is a very quiet place. There is no continuous chatter of internal dialog. I am not busy with should and ought, nor is comparison mind resident there. My mental default is silence. I can observe, I can experience and absorb. I can hear and see, but there is no mind making endless qualitative thinking. If I want to think I have to actively engage my mind. It does not run off like a horse when the stable door is opened.

I could say that my “mind” differs from most. I know that it has changed markedly over the last two decades. But there is no way that I can explain or illustrate in a meaningful way what my “mind” is like to anyone suffering from internal dialogue or very attached to the common socio-political assimilation of world and society. I once experienced that world first hand as an active participant. I no longer do/am.

I still look much the way I used to but the animating contents of the meaty body are now changed. People might struggle to understand that I am not as I was and interpret me in terms of an old look up table of behaviour and manner. I’ll speculate that many would not get it or me. My assimilation of world is different, I cannot prove this to you or anyone really. It would take sharing a considerable amount of time and circumstance to appreciate and I would have to extrovert my thoughts and thinking in order for people to see just how different. I can still interpret events from a “normal” perspective but I do not share the emotions many are beholden to. I can appear to fit in and comply with the common world views.

In the Zen literature there is a lot of mention of Buddha nature. If I understand Zen at all it is to live fully in the present and at the point before mind knowing that as observer you are also participant and not separate from the arising phenomena. Zen does not like definitions because that is a feature of comparison mind and a definition by definition invites comparison to said definition which is “mind”. People stress over definition and argue the toss. Buddha nature is offered as a way of being, a nebulous ideal which exists when mind is fully quiescent. Most of the Zen koans are devised to show just how much mind trips one up and self-entangles. They point at not using mind the way which it is customary so to do.

In order to be “Zen”, one has to lose one’s mind and yet remain sane.

However, what is considered sane in the common socio-political assimilation of world, is all “mind” and therefore insane. If people like their possessions and acquisitional materialism, to detach from these would be considered lunacy by many. A wide empty path is the road of the lunatic who disavows possession, grabbing and the socio-political accumulation of kudos and social power.

Kudos is illusion in Zen and Buddhism as a whole. Yet many seek it with a passion.

Although people use Zen as an adjective for calm, they are not interested in attaining it because it requires that they forego the common world view. As we all know you cannot have your cake and eat it.

How is my logic?

Do we live in a sane world?

Is there an increasing problem with mental health as measured to the normative socio-political construct?

I have lost my “mind” does that make more or less sane than you?

Are you saner than I?

Discuss….

Impermanence and Complacency

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I have had eight decent length dreams in October so far this year. I haven’t published them because recognisable individuals are in them. These are out of the blue as I haven’t spoken to/with them for well over a decade. I don’t really know what to make of them. They may be pointing at something going on in the “real” world.

In the Toltec tradition the “place” of dreams is the South. I spent quite a bit of my early life in the Southern Hemisphere and can get on well with Kiwis, Aussies and South Africans. I was a part of the itinerant barman subculture in London for a number of years. In the Toltec tradition people have a predilection for stalking of dreaming. I am the latter. Dreams can re-present possibilities in the web of life, a kind of aperture in space-time where events might manifest. These apertures do not stay open forever. They close and what once might have been possible ceases to be. Failure to act on the appropriate time scale makes things no longer possible.

I’ll make a statement, there is a tendency for arrogant people to be complacent and get caught napping.

One could argue we have seen this take place recently in the middle east, at 9/11 and Pearl Harbour. People who think themselves invulnerable, important and powerful can get surprises.

Impermanence as a concept is logical, nothing lasts forever. But people do not get it. To truly attain impermanence is to understand the eternal now. Impermanence lessens the manacles of clinging and attachment; it exemplifies the preciousness of time. Many imagine they have all the time in the world and are slow to get around to things which they prefer not to do. Timely action delayed reduces likelihood of positive outcome. Impermanence teaches appreciation and the fact we only borrow things for at most a lifetime.

People who work in universities need to be seen and heard in order to get promoted. They need to have measures of esteem; they need a web presence and various public metrics. They have a semi-permanent web footprint. Several ex-students of mine have commented to me that I am now hard to find on the internet. I was on Research Gate. They won’t give me an account now. I was on LinkedIn. I have no need to be seen, to be present. So, I can build up a profile, write a blog and then bin it. They are impermanent things. I do not cling; I have back-ups of text on the off chance I might need it again. People can imagine that one will want to remain in touch and contactable. They may be complacent about this. The nature of academia is that it is a large heavy slow moving object with momentum, it is not fluid nor are research funding mechanisms, the turn around time is quarterly at best. There are institutional and annual rhythms. If one is institutionalised life dances {slowly} to that beat. There is assumed a quasi-permanence.

It is perhaps non-standard to suggest that attainment of impermanence gives one a sense of urgency at the same time as detachment from outcome, specifically desired outcome. The land of “there is always tomorrow” runs out. The world of mañana means possibility and opportunity lost.

Carpe diem is interred in a mausoleum.

There is a saying attributed to Buddha; “The trouble is you think you have time.”

People spend their time unwisely and there is a lot of wasted time, escapism and avoidance.  Complacency about time is brought about by the illusion of permanence. “It will always be there tomorrow.”

There is vast global complacency about climate change because of the illusion of permanence. People do not get that our mode of living is subject to change and over the next decade it will become obvious. Instead of cooperating to reduce consumption the mantra of economic growth underpins jaded economic dogma. People indulge in petty vengeance games where hundreds of thousands of tonnes of high explosive munitions are detonated to get revenge by obliteration. How much energy and carbon dioxide has been released in Gaza, in Ukraine?

Has that cooled the climate?

I suspect that humanity could well be on its way to being shaken violently out of its complacency as the weather patterns get ever more extreme and chaotic. Humanity, especially in the rapacious West, has taken so very much for granted and for a long time.

Pride often comes before a fall.

Before long the aperture in space-time in which to meaningfully act on climate change will close. It has already started.