Category: Musings

Challenges – Genetics – Having to Endure – Lama Dorje

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

A working hypothesis I have is that because I do not strut about, talk a lot and generally bullshit, people feel that I am need of education by them. Somehow, they are kind enough to bestow the benefit of their grandiose and unsolicited opinion on me so that I, a mere lowly pleb, might learn from their magnificence. So many offer me their opinions. Obviously, I am in dire need of education.

It is a catch 22. Do you let them rabbit on {endlessly} or flash intellect and make them feel more insecure than they already are. I don’t have an answer. Neither works well.

You may infer from the above that I am an arrogant arsehole. Your reflection in the mirror which is me may not reveal my essence.

Given all the tests in a medical sense that I am having its sounds a bit like someone meandering around in search of some kind of elusive diagnosis of sorts. That could be the case. Or it could simply be the generosity of the French healthcare system in action. The tendency for prophylaxis here is higher than in the UK.

The “health” finger continues to point at genetics. There is a non-normal make up, perhaps. Maybe I am special, so fucking special, or a creep, or a weirdo.

In my extensive recapitulations there is a recurring theme, “having to endure”. I have had to endure all sorts of things starting with bullying at school(s) and being gossiped about extensively, especially when my back was turned and I was not there. I am not paranoid; I have anecdotal evidence in support of this tendency. People curry favour by gossiping and in the past, they have claimed power by association to me. Those days are long gone.

I have an inkling that the current health drama belongs to the subset of “having to endure” challenges. There is little I can do; I simply have to endure and remain calm.

Śāntideva in the Bodhicaryāvatāra, has a whole chapter on forbearance. Bodhidharma was rumoured to have sat watching a wall for nine years.

Maybe one day instead of enduring I may give both barrels. I doubt many could handle it if I ramped up to 9/10 face to face with them. It would be very intense. Outside of experience.

The other working hypothesis I have is that I am tangentially involved in the drama, schemes and socio-political shenanigans of others. The thing is they are over “there” and I am only truly involved in their illusions. People make shit up; they make a drama out of it and somehow, I am caught up in their imaginations. I am written into their imaginary scripts.

I used to wear black Levi’s 501 jeans for decades. I now wear army surplus combat trousers. This dress makes me look a bit like a pikey prepper. I do not look for one minute like an ex-intellectual or the co-founder of a high technology high power laser company. So people tend, in the first instance, to talk down to me, even worse I do not speak high quality French, God’s only intellectual language. I must therefore be an idiotic stupid moron. They judge a book by their mis-interpretation of the cover. The French are as, if not more, arrogant than the English.

What can you do? Let them rabbit on {endlessly}. There is no point in trying to change their habits or self-opinion.

The wife and I have a joke. If I wore Buddhist robes people would treat me entirely differently. If they saw me thus attired in their dreams, they would find it weird.

“Alan always wore jeans in life!!”

There is a part of me that might order some robes on line and do a TikTok type experiment. Go in jeans to an estate agent one day and in robes the next…

But that would be fucking about…

Is there some as yet unseen diagnoses?

Or am I simply enduring the Gattling gun fire of multiple medical tests and appointments?

The current bet is towards the latter…

Low Parathyroid Hormone – Hypoparathyroidism?

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

The results for the three different mutations of HFE gene are in. I don’t have any of these. Which excludes the vast majority of the diagnoses for hereditary haemochromatosis. The footnote from the lab suggests contacting the centre for rare iron related disease in the big university hospital 150 km away. They may just talk with me as an ex-boffin.

I do feel a tad rusty these days, like the tin man my joints could use some oiling.

That means the polycythaemia primary or secondary question is in focus. Is there a malignancy or did my blood just adapt to smoking tabs?

My parathyroid hormone (PTH) is low, it is 26 pg / mL.

———————–

“The iPTH reference interval of a healthy blood donor population was measured as 25.2–109.1 pg/mL (2.7–11.6 pmol/L) at 2.5 and 97.5 distribution percentile. The iPTH reference interval from data stored in the laboratory database was 19.3–112.5 pg/mL (2.0–11.9 pmol/L). Furthermore, 60% of the whole population had prevalently insufficient vitamin D concentration (<30 ng/dL; <75 nmol/L).

Mineri et al., Clinica Chimica Acta Volume 521, October 2021, Pages 1-8.”

———————————

So it is at the rare end of a distribution yet just within the 2.5-97.5 percentile range. It is probably within experimental error out of the range. The error bars on 26 picograms must be big in a small sample!!

–

“PTH is secreted primarily by the chief cells of the parathyroid glands. The gene for PTH is located on chromosome 11. It is a polypeptide containing 84 amino acids, which is a prohormone. It has a molecular mass around 9500 Da”

–

My results for Calcium and Phosphorus were very normal, this latter statement is a bit weird. Low PTH levels are very rare and usually come with low Calcium levels. That pathway is messed up. Low parathyroid hormone screws with the Calcium concentration and bone turnover.

——

Symptoms of hypoparathyroidism

Hypoparathyroidism often starts if glands in your neck are damaged during surgery.

Symptoms include:

  • a tingling or burning sensation in your fingers, toes and face
  • muscle pain, stiffness and spasms

————

I have these two but these are caused when Calcium is too low!! So I do not have hypoparathyroidism.

We have another “contradiction” of sorts so the GP has asked advice from an endocrinologist. My guess would be re-test and if the value is still low maybe do something.

I am going to have an Alpha 1 Antitrypsin assay tomorrow which may add a piece to the jigsaw puzzle, concerning my lungs.

I’ll wait to hear from the GP as to what the endocrinologist suggests. It could be more tests, or not.

On the GP front we are probably good until September now…fingers crossed…

The working notion is that whatever it is that may be going on, it is just not manifesting in a sufficiently serious way, yet…

It could just go away or it could develop.

I am a bit of an anomaly, so it is no surprise that my blood results are a tad skewed from the normal.

Girlfriend in a Coma, Punctured Bicycle and Caligula

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

Reviewing my most recent blood tests in preparation I can’t help questioning. Is it serious? Probably not. But like Spike Milligan quipped “I told you I was sick!” Is the whole shebang massively overly dramatic?

–

“I know you’re antiseptic, your deodorant smells nice
I’d like to get to know you, you’re deep frozen like the ice”

–

I don’t think I am obsessing simply going along with it all but it being my nature, I do look things up. It gives me something to do and stops me playing outside in the traffic.

–

“I’m knobbled on the cobbles
Cos I hobble when I wobble
Swim!

—–

Hello to you out there in Normal Land,

you may not comprehend my tale or understand”

–

I did not come by this notion of surgery all by myself. I have not been the one pushing this agenda. It has taken up a lot of time and money so far, both for me and the French health system.

–

But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here

–

Perhaps I am missing the point entirely.

–

We are stardust
Billion year old carbon
We are golden
Caught in the devil’s bargain
And we’ve got to get ourselves
Back to the garden

–

It all seems so very far away, so unimportant.

–

Where be it Blackbird to?
I know where he be
He be up your wurzel tree
And I be after he
Now I sees he, and he sees I
Bugger’d if I don’t get him
With a girt big stick, I’ll knock him down
Blackbird, I’ll have thee

–

I remember aged just shy of thirteen walking along a beach in Pwllheli North Wales, that sentiment is more timely now.

–

People try to put us d-down (talkin’ ’bout my generation)
Just because we get around (talkin’ ’bout my generation)
Things they do look awful c-cold (talkin’ ’bout my generation)
I hope I die before I get old (talkin’ ’bout my generation)

This is my generation
This is my generation, baby

–

The Problems of Should

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

Many problems arise not because things are but because people think they should be different. This enforcement of conditional opinion about how things should be is directly causal of conflict and of angst. There is another level to this where problems arise out of people thinking that things should meet expectations. Expectations are a mental-emotional construct of largely human origin.

To give a trite example.

Data collection suggests that for the western European male population an average life expectancy is a tad over 80 years. Nevertheless many die in their sixties. People kind of think they should live to 80. There is even planning to that target. I am largely convinced, in my opinion, that it is very unlikely that I will live to that age. I should not have that opinion and it can make people uncomfortable that I do. Many people like the idea of a long life and the expression that X left us too early is not uncommon. You should not die that young. It is a tragedy.

If you say such a death is natural and therefore not a tragedy you are speaking heinous. You should not be so cruel heartless and frank. Because of opinion like that you are a problem. You do not comply with the social should. Should makes you a problem and a right bastard to boot.

Wanting things to be different, access to the green grass on the other side of the fence is a human notion of change according to how things should be. The notion of “rights” in a democratic society is currently being widely eroded. This is because people think that others should not have opinions which differ from theirs. There is suppression and on occasion violence because people should agree, have the same colour skin and follow the same notion of deity as the noble and omniscient US.

“If you convert to our religion, we will not slay your ass painfully! You should follow our God, the only true God!”

This should causes death and bloodshed.

I live as I do, it does not really impinge on the outer world over much. Theoretically there may be opinions that it should not be thus. I should not live like this. The holders of those opinions have created a problem by the notion of should. It does not gel with the reality.

There is a disconnect between should and is/are. Which can be viewed as problematic. If you drop the imposition of should-based opinion any notion of problem evaporates.

I am now prepared for no hip operation in the rest of this foreseeable calendar year {As a starter for ten}. There is no problem outside the compound with this. It will limit some of my gardening and I will be taking pain medication. As a thought experiment others might imagine that this should not be the case. Yet despite the should, it is. A problem in this kind of gedankenexperiment arises solely out of a contrast between notions of should, an aspiration to the contrary and some idea about what is right for me to bear.

“In this day and age…”

In the UK news people harp on about waiting lists for appointments and operations as if these were some God-given right. They are not. I am not owed, due nor do I particularly deserve an operation. Were it not for modern medicine neither the wife nor I would be alive.

Viewed from one angle a bit of end of life pain is no big deal. It is only a problem if people deem that it could be and therefore should be different.

Problems often arise out of attempts to alter reality and the unfoldment of life. People try to steer things towards how they think they should be, how they ought to be, of how they want them to be.

The infliction of people’s opinion of should is one of the A number one causes of strife.

Israel thinks Iran should not have nuclear weapons so they coerce Trump into using big bombs. It is OK for US to have nuclear bombs but THEY should not.

There is a part for me which thinks that if Israel had been a lot more friendly and cooperative helping local economies to develop a comfortable middle class over the last few decades, all the simmering anger and bile might have faded. However that is not the case. A different suppressive ideology has held sway. Oppression has no sell by date; it must be continued until revolution. The mind set of they should be taught a bloody vengeful and punitive lesson has endured.

It has not brought peace, it has not brought love, it has not brought harmony.

A little thought shows that should is a key component in many problems, local, relational and in terms of geo-politics.

Arguably should is more dangerous and destructive than nuclear weapons.

Shit Happens…

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

This afternoon whilst watching Al Jazeera News I had a feeling of warmth towards Donald Trump. He said “Fuck” live and direct to camera. It brought a smile to my face and has slightly changed my opinion of him. He should do this more often; it will be good for his ratings.

I never thought I would say that.

On June 21st I quoted Robbie Burns “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry…”

Which is a more poetic way of saying shit happens.

The ethos for the year has been to investigate the possibility of getting replacement hips done here in France before we sell up and downsize. I had an orthopaedic appointment on Monday. That investigation seems to have hit a road block which I cannot see a way around. I am due a non-urgent nuclear medicine appointment for a 90mTc Bone scan. Later this week I get my gene tests back and may discuss the “osteoporosis” blood results with the GP. After that the next appointment will be early autumn, assuming nothing acute crops up. I may explore if there are other avenues for the hips. It being both a small world and the back of beyond there may be none.

–

–

This means that I will have to factor in many more months with the severely osteo arthritic hips. I can probably hack it.

It does raise the question of if to put the house on the market or not, with a mind to a UK based plan B.

It is just one of those things which cannot be helped, shit happens. I will just have to adjust to what is / may be possible. It is perhaps a kind of accepting stoicism that things are out of my hands.

Did you know there is a shopping channel “JML direct”? It was on this morning when I got out of bed. It look likes I will be getting up early ongoing as a pain management strategy.

Word wanted to write that “piano management” perhaps suggesting an alternate career.

It look like a re-adjustment in orientation and thinking is now in progress…

What is the next tune, Pete?

Taking Stock – Massive Disconnect

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

It is one of those things. If two people are interacting and one thinks they are miscommunicating and the other does not, who is accurate? Many assume that they are communicating better than they actually are. People can be oblivious when miscommunication occurs.

—

—

The observable evidence of the “we are above the law” thinking from the USA has just been drilled deep into concrete bunkers in Iran.

“We don’t like the bastards, we can kill their asses as and when. Deals, treaties, international law are only pieces of paper after all!! We have the God given right!! {And the B2 bombers}.”

So now it is overt {again}. It is unclear as to how things go from here. Maybe the global least harm is a petering out.

I am not filled with joy at the prospects of peace and goodwill for all.

I have been noting of late a complete disconnect between how I am and think and, others. Today the orthopaedic surgeon suggested I look at what I might want to do and to use this as a guide as to the when of facing the knife. In my mind I simply adjust to that which I am able to do. I do not get upset and frustrated if I cannot jog round the block or walk 10km. The suggestion washed over me. Why would I even bother to think like that?

This disconnect is even more obvious when watching 24 hours in A&E on the TV. I hear people talking to camera saying that they could not survive without so and so, expressing their catastrophising on hearing that their loved on has gone to A&E, thinking the worst.

Why not simply make your way there and find out what the best guess scenario is from the doctor? What benefit is there in catastrophising?

Clearly, I am weird by comparison.

One could argue that I am indulging in medicine, with all these scans, check-ups and blood tests. I don’t think that any of them are urgent or life critical. I have already accepted that I have pre-cancerous prostate cancer. It seems to me a matter of when not if. The PSA value is going up…

I am due an arse-cancer chimney sweep soon. After that there is a five year holiday for “good behaviour”. It is probably worth getting that done.

Way back in the nineties when they were investigating my polycythaemia, I was a regular visitor to the phlebotomy centre. It being St Thomas’ there were a few Jamaican nurses, some of whom were a good laugh.  I would get bled. They would check my haemoglobin on a regular basis. If my addled memory is correct the results of phlebotomy were to enhance my haemoglobin count over a few months. We ended up dropping it, the bleeding, I was asymptomatic and perhaps the medical student had finished their research project.

In terms of all the tests none of them will change the reality, they may alter the apparent awareness of reality. That is about it. Maybe it is simplest just to drop them all, to let things be. If I don’t drive it, it will fizzle out.

We come back to the whole pain question. I have no idea how others experience pain, nor whether or not I have a high pain threshold. I suspect that I am not at the overly sensitive end.

I can tolerate things without moaning. I am not overly prone to whinging. We could park the idea of hip surgery and revisit it in a years’ time.

Maybe I just need to wait and see what transpires…

It is a very strange disconnect when people imagine some kind of ambition or want. They transfer it on to me. They think I am somehow like them. They expect this. It is impossible to explain how I feel to others, nor begin to convey the difference in wiring, orientation and motivation.

It comes back to this feeling. I make people uncomfortable by interacting therefore it is perhaps better that I do not. I observe this discomfort. I don’t have to inflict myself.

Hmnn…

Can Aliens Get Green Cards?

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

As is often the case when there is an atmospheric high pressure area over Western Europe in summer the issue of cross channel immigration is in the news. We have ICE-ICE-BABY doing raids, imprisoning and perhaps deporting people in the USA. A hint of xenophobia is an important ingredient in any right-wing government as is a deep suspicion of the intellectuals and the scientists.

“Come the time of the cultural revolution they will be first up against the wall!!”

The gist is that illegals, aliens and other non-pure bloods are unwelcome. Interestingly second or third generation immigrants in the UK are often very antiimmigration.

“Keep those brown boys and girls out! Especially those who won’t eat bacon sandwiches!!”

Conspiracy theorists are very interested in interplanetary visitors. Last time I went to area 51 I met a bunch of likeminded individuals.

–

–

We had a very good discussion.

One of the core tenets of Scientology is past lives. Each thetan may have had many, some of which are not of this world, extraplanetary. Technically this makes them aliens, they have not applied for entry visas into the USA or UK. Or for that matter Earth. They have snuck in without permission and documentation, which makes them illegal aliens.

Trump could go after Tom Cruise and get Elon Musk to try to repatriate him. This would be good TV and a sure fire ratings winner. The Church of Scientology would appeal. This saga would be brilliant clickbait on the internet. Musk could be an alien too; hence he is building a ship to take him home.

A while back someone {who knew} told me that I would probably pass the auditing for some of the {higher} operating thetan levels in Scientology. I very nearly started the process on Tottenham Court Road when I was first year undergraduate at UCL, back in the last century. So there is an outside chance that I too am an illegal alien. My body has a UK passport and a French Carte de Séjour.

How would you tell if someone from another planet had incarnated into a human body. What would you measure? The DNA would be the same…

Maybe there are many extraterrestrial “aliens” already among us, some of whom do indeed have Green Cards.

Gang aft agley

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

—————————————–

But Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best-laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men
Gang aft agley,
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!

Still thou are blest, compared wi’ me!
The present only toucheth thee:
But Och! I backward cast my e’e,
On prospects drear!
An’ forward, tho’ I cannot see,
I guess an’ fear!

Robert Burns

————————————-

It would seem that the boring old chestnut of “cunning plan” is once more afoot. Those blessed with conventional intelligence and accustomed to using manipulative practices to leverage that which they may or may not want, have a “play book”. In normal corporate and interpersonal matters many of the pages in said book are well thumbed and some have a fairly repetitive modus operandi. What worked once is often used again.

The wife reminded me of an occurrence this morning when someone was playing silly buggers on my tutoring profile site. As usual the best strategy is to play with an entirely straight bat. If someone is pretending to be a potential tutee ask them the same things you would ask other tutees. I ask INFJ questions and these are not what many expect. Answering them is not an obvious bullet point thing. An INFJ question probes beyond face value. It is about feeling and intuition. I often was accustomed to a familial visit before taking on a new tutee. Only one family twigged that I was vetting them, the others thought they were vetting me. Introversion can be handy.

When university students used to try to gain advantage by pulling a “sickie” for exams I would send them to a particular doctor at the health centre with whom I had a good working relationship. I explained that I needed a professional opinion. Later I would have a chat with the doctor and use that to inform my conversation with the student. Often the students mis-reported their conversation with the doctor in the hope of gaining an advantage. Many withdrew their claims of “sickie”.

 Some people simply cannot help themselves in trying to be clever, Trevor. Well knock me down wiv a feather. Being honest, simple and up front is not in their play book. So they try to play silly buggers and come up with very convoluted things, “plans” which make sense, at least in their weird, distorted worlds.

–

–

People prone to cunning plans do not factor in dreaming symbols nor the esoteric concept of seeing. Some people need a pretext in their minds and this is a rational justification. Pretexts and precedents are “important” for certain types. Some cunning “covers”, some so-called pretexts, are completely transparent in left side awareness. Unaware of this people can make right knobheads of themselves when they try to be cunning. Like the Emperor they may be wholly unaware that they have been seen, naked, in their true technicolour colours.

Oh well there may be some incoming, soon…

The So-called Externalisation

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

If you swing by this blog from time to time you may note that I write a little on the blue books opus. These are written, so the story goes, by Alice Bailey acting as a telepathic amanuensis for the master Djwhal Kuhl a.k.a. the Tibetan. Whether or not you believe this story or the contents of these books, it is fair to say that a great deal of effort was made and that the contents, should you read them in entirety, no mean feat, have a marked internal consistency.

He suggests that the spiritual “hierarchy” may incarnate and live among humanity as a whole in preparation for the New Age and the coming of the Christ given impulse by the Avatar of Synthesis. I personally am not fond of any nomenclature which uses the word hierarchy. His thesis is these beings have guided humanity for millennia. An incarnate example being perhaps Comte de Saint Germain {still} who was “seen” at various European courts around the time of the French revolution.

In the works the Tibetan became a master taking the fifth initiation in the body of an old man in 1875 yet still writing books telepathically in 1950s. Such a statement is prone to disbelief.

This is not “Assassins Creed” and nor is this a Templar plot.

Nowhere in his opus does he mention that such an occurrence would be welcomed with open arms by the powers that be. In fact he is very scant on what that might look like. He does speculate on future schools of meditation and that various experiments would be undertaken. He mentions that Roosevelt was a disciple of the white magic and hints that Hitler and his evil gang of henchmen were dark and evil, dark adepts even.

Before I go further, I want to drop in a piece of nomenclature. This is the term karmic clusterfuck. A karmic clusterfuck is the biggest mistake that one can make in terms of messing up karma. In front lies a truly golden sparkly and shiny opportunity which you completely fuck up out of arrogance, power craziness and stubbornness. In seeking to control everything you turn it in a right royal, grade A karmic clusterfuck of gargantuan near cosmic proportions. The causal karmic clusterfuck will have huge ongoing effects and consequences rippling forward in space-time. That karmic clusterfuck has personal, racial and national impacts moving forward. The impacts can be global, geo-political and planetary.

It is noteworthy to examine the different treatment of Siddartha and Jesus. The resultant effects from these two karmic causes have differed, one characterised by blood greed violence and oppression the other more benign. One can draw own opinion from careful study.

Given the current obsession with espionage and “intelligence” it is not far-fetched to assume a few things. If the blue books opus is not written by the fairy godmother and has some measure of fact, then should such an externalisation happen it will be monitored. The likelihood of an open arms welcome is low. No powerful human would enjoy the interference of a bunch of beings with unknown provenance {to them}. The fatted calf would not be killed and put upon the great barbecue next to the Wagyu. Behaviour might be to observe and/or persecute. If threatened then incarnations could be encouraged to be short lived, truncated. There could even be partisan attempts to on-side the incarnating adepts and initiates, should they be discovered. Most likely there will be large intellectual resistance and this likely to emanate from the so-called scientific community as well as from churches of all flavours and creeds. Those with vested interests are the least likely to offer a heartfelt “Bienvenue”.

In clear simple terms, there will be shenanigans.

The tendency to try to double guess and assume would be difficult to resist. The basic assumption might be of motive, that the new kids on the block want to take over the ‘hood. To an enlightened being the notion of power over is an anathema. A concept difficult to comprehend for your normal powerful human being.

What is safe to say is that if such an externalisation were to occur it would be totally new and there would be zero precedent on how to approach it. Locking up an initiate in Guantanamo Bay, would be karmically unwise. It is however likely that humanity, some of its leaders, would react in a non-measured way. The new and unfamiliar can stimulate fear-dramas into those already mildly paranoid. No way would these enlightened beings be after the job of prime minister, archbishop, ayatollah or president. But people may fail to appreciate this. There would be psychological transference of motive. People would see their own reflection in the mirror.

Although a positional organisational chart was given out in the last century it would not be clear how to approach. Contact details are not available for Kuhl on LinkedIn. In 2025 he would be well in excess of 150 earth years old which is a bit of a mindfuck. Who might be the receptionist, the organisational gatekeepers? Where is headquarters? Why is their web site not SEO optimised? What is the protocol? The organisation has probably changed and evolved.

Any conventional corporate approach probably would not apply. One could not meet and share corporate PowerPoint presentations, handing out business cards with roles like Quartermaster, CEO, Secretary of State on. The concept of dealmaking may have zero applicability.

The world has changed since Kuhl was writing in depth.

I don’t know if Kuhl had envisioned how it might play out, probably not because when he was writing it was a long way into the future, a dream yet to coalesce. It would be a metaphorical minefield given that the vast majority of humanity is in no way soul-infused. The overarching psychology is that of the personality and its self-ish orientation. The interconnectedness of The One Life is not uppermost and goodwill to all men has been sadly much eroded as of late. People are self-centred and do not feel the One Humanity all that much. Separation and division are currently rife. People are not working together to face the real incoming crisis of planetary climate change; they are squabbling as “Rome” burns. They have pressed snooze on their smartphone alarm clocks.

Is it even possible for humanity to engage in a calm intelligent fashion with such a putative externalisation were it to happen?

How would you bet?

Social Discomfort – Social Anxiety Disorder

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

I think it fair to suggest that social discomfort is a pillar of comedy. We all find it funny if sometimes uncomfortable.

–

–

The more uptight, pompous and status oriented one is the more likely one is to experience social discomfort. Heaven forbid that someone do something inconsistent with their social position, something gauche, something off trend. A pleb should kneel and kotow. They must know and accept their place.

At the Babraham Institute once, one Ph.D. student wrote in the feedback for a course that I gave, that it was unprofessional for me to say that my former employers, Imperial College, were a cold efficiency employer. They were not a hugs kisses and birthday cake bunch. He felt perhaps that I was slagging them off. Though many would have been happy to be called cool {cold} and efficient, competitive and perhaps ruthless. As a young man he had a lot to learn about reality and maybe his idealism would soon be tarnished.

Psychologists have a fundamental assumption, that people like to socialise and that they SHOULD do so. It underpins much psychological diagnoses according to my non-erudite and hence inexpert eye. It is clear to me that my unwillingness to play the social game has impacted on my career advancement. One could say that socialisation is a societal pre-requisite for promotion, a needed social skill.

On the DSM-5 social anxiety scale one is asked if one avoids social contacts, extensively prepares for them and self-medicates in order to face them, the so-called Dutch courage. It suggests that one is fearful of social situations. Maybe one simply does not like them and therefore avoids them {like the plague}. It is not uncommon for people to get pissed, smoke weed and snort Charlie in social situations.

Does that make them psychologically ill and diagnosable?

I’ll postulate.

Modern psychological wisdom is prejudiced against introverts and introversion. Such behaviours are seen as faulty and in need of fixing.

As usual it is the extroverts who dominate the “air time” or soap box.

In terms of the anxiety disorder, I meet the avoidance criteria but not the fear.

Is it bad not to want to surround yourself with gobshites arseholes and knobheads? To not share a finger buffet and talk endless shit with them?

Why not avoid something that you do not enjoy?

This kind of avoiding seem pretty darned sane to me.


In general I dial back on the boffinaciousness because it causes social discomfort and nobody likes a know-it-all. Which means that you often have to wait for people to catch up. I used to self-handicap with a lot of weed, which also enhances patience in all areas apart from munchies.

In France some are seemingly embarrassed to speak poor English, where no English are embarrassed with their appalling French. It is weird. Is it about control? There is social discomfort. They do not slow down {in French} and talk to you like a moron as is common {in English} in the UK. I sense a discomfort.

I went to see the zebra at the zoo.

I’ll postulate further.

Social discomfort and the fear thereof is very limiting and causes many problems. Things that need to be broached and discussed are avoided in case of social awkwardness occurring.

Fear of loss of face {FOLOF} is almost as big as fear of missing out {FOMO}.

Even though I am very introverted I have good interpersonal skills as a part of my chameleon toolkit. Strangely the most important social skill of all is being able to listen. It puts people at ease.

Is being uncomfortable with BS a clinically diagnostic malady? This is a social discomfort but not one of awkwardness of embarrassment, simply preference

Is there a DSM-5 criteria list for the Avoidance of Bull Shit Personality Disorder?

Do we need to train people to better accept tolerate and otherwise believe bull shit?

………………….