Moving On – Wiped Clean

This morning there were no highfalutin dreams and we have been up to the chemist to stash up on prescription drugs and to order the hospital bed to be delivered prior to my scheduled operation. Hopefully this will go ahead as planned but I did get some more opium painkillers as a contingency.  In a weeks time I should have a bionic hip and a nice scar. I will be wearing compression stockings and doing heparin injections. I will probably be more than a little off my face on morphine or some such.

Whatever happened before the operation will be pretty much wiped from my memory, not completely but there will be little importance attached. There is nothing which can be done in response to some of the things suggested thematically in dreams. They can just float on by like little fluffy clouds. The moment, if there ever was one, will have passed, like so many moments before. It is unlikely to be revived. Dreams may say otherwise but the aperture in the web of life will close.

Christmas will arrive like a commercial nightmare and the collective folly will be everywhere.

Life will be physio and slowly finding my feet with a different physical reality. The ligaments, tendons and muscles are too short and they will need some stretching. The theory is that most of my back pain has been due to the hip{s}. We shall see if the surgery proves this theory or not. There are a few more tasks to be done and the idea is to cook up some spicy food to put in the freezer. In general I am the curry/spice cook so I won’t be doing that for a while.

Things turn out the way things turn out. No biggie, that is just how things happen and are. It is foolish to stress on what might have been…

I will get to wear pyjamas for a few days which will be novel…we even bought a flannel to put in the wash bag…it will never get used…but they were insistent that I had one…

Snow Tiger – Bhutan – Vajrayana – Dream 16-11-2025

Here is last night’s dream again out of the blue.

The dream starts in a front garden of a UK house on a standard modern housing estate. It is snowing and I am standing with my Snow Tiger. He is wearing armour like Iorek Byrnison the polar bear in “The Golden Compass” the tiger and I are one and the same. He is a White Tiger. I say that I am the Snow Tiger and I have been sent by Hermes. We are enjoying the silence of the night as the snow falls.

The scene changes and I can see the ex-wife with Manoj and Chris sat chatting around a table in a brightly lit modern house. They are oblivious and do not understand the situation in any way. They are being silly. I go into the room and they carry on regardless. The ex-wife belittles me verbally. In a single movement I grab her by the shoulders and throw her off her chair and away from the table. This stuns them all into silence. She understands that I could have completely broken her and them all. There is no malice on my part.

The scene changes and I am lying in bed. The ex-wife tries to sneak into bed with me and I push her rather forcefully out. She goes to tell my {dead} mother and father what I have done. They say in an attempt to manipulate me that I should not push them away. If I leave them I can not comeback. I am not touched by their threat. I say that I am the Snow Tiger and that my domain, my range is in Bhutan. In the mountains. That is where I live / am. They need to understand the difference between the Snow Tiger and how they think I am. I stand tall on my hind legs and then rest back to four. I too have some form of armour on.

The scene changes and I am in some grand building which is dimly lit. It has the feel of a temple or Dzong. We are in a fairly vast atrium. The colours are dark red, magenta and there are “tapestries” adorning the walls. There is incense and there are people in robes. On one wall there is a vast tapestry which has dark thangka colours and in it a young Russel Crowe sat centrally with a long flowing cape or blanket, velvet. Behind him the scene is crowded with many figures some meditating. Towards a tree is a Tiger on back legs sharpening claws. It is normal coloured. I move towards tapestry and become the Tiger to the tree. The moment I become the Tiger the thangka starts to animate. I drop down to all fours and the become a man again. I am wearing monastic robes.

I walk in the scene through some wide “castle” gates along an unpaved road to the gates of an impressive monastery. The gates are several times taller than me and hewn out of a very dark wood. They smell distinctly of ages. The doors have iron rings to open. I open the doors and step inside. There are two men there one wearing a vaguely triangular skin fur hat with an animal skin coat and another more expensively dressed. They have been exposed to the sun and weather. They are military. The more expensive one says that they want to check if I am true. I go to offer my hand and the rougher one breaks his staff into some kind of two headed martial arts weapon. The other one has some kind of flail attached to a chain / string. I know this to be deep tantra Vajrayana. They start to chase me.

Out of my pocket I pull a small decorated golden orb slightly smaller than my fist. I hold it up and out of it comes a stream of light azure blue spheres which head off in the direction of my assailants. The spheres swarm them without harming. The spheres fly around them. I call them back and they “plunk” back into the golden orb. The two assailants are satisfied. I understand that the test was “ago”. I have passed.

We are now in some unspecified European country. We are searching for a missing woman. We have her address in a city. But finding a parking spot anywhere near is a nightmare. We park some distance off and head off on foot. I see her leaving her apartment with a white near transparent headscarf on. I catch her up and holding her arm lightly tell her she has no need to be afraid. She has been in hiding. We go inside a light building and I say that she can relax. She takes off her headscarf and I can see that she is in fact a young man. He has adopted this disguise so as to hide himself and keep safe.  I ask if that feels better. It does.

The scene changes to some kind of school / dharma centre. There are a number of children playing there and they are under supervision. There is a teaching hierarchy and embedded method. I arrive with a couple of people and go through to look at the day book which records what happens. It is clear that I am there to teach more than just the children. I sit in the “staff room” and add a few elements to the book, specifically my dream about the Snow Tiger. A woman teases me that I will need to use shorthand and not full text. The centre is up in the mountains and has a great view over the valley below. I open up the blinds some more to look out. They are all wondering what it is that I will do.

I am joined by a tall woman with long blonde hair. She has a faint American accent and is heavily pregnant. I ask her how long she has got left. Not long. I say that she could have it on the 30th of August and have the same birthday as me. That way the kid will always be a bank holiday baby. She asks what it is that I am interested in. I say that I have an idea around Naropa and that I am well placed to speak on Naropa. In my orb are some things related. For some reason I have a distinct sense of familiarity with the woman. The young man from before will be joining us as some kind of understudy to me.

The dream ends and I think, “wow, that was a whopper!”

Expansion of Consciousness and Letting Go

Before I get into this I will take a little diversion. It is to do with karmic “debt” which is another way of simply saying imbalance. If you take more than you give that is unbalanced and ultimately unsustainable. If we “wrong” someone we may feel guilty especially if we are socially caught in so doing, found out, reported to teacher. We may be socially required to say “sorry” even if we do not mean it. It does not change the “wrong” one iota. It is the sort of thing our mothers might require of us if we stole our sister’s Maltesers. It is a social “peace” keeping. It does not change the karma one tiny bit. Until such time we feel it in our hearts to be wrong, we will continue to accrue karmic debt from similar acts. Were the scales to fall from our eyes one fine day we might want to change our ways. We might re-orient our behaviour towards our fellow human beings, try to stop being selfish bellends and do some nice self-less stuff for a change. We would not do this for “show” or PR. Karma does not give a toss about PR. We can never undo a wrong we have meted out to someone nor can we “make it up to them”. What we can do is ensure that we do not inflict that behaviour on others.

Say for example you were to slag me off. You could never undo that. What you could do is make a general effort not to repeat this behaviour, not to inflict it on others. You could strive to be generally more positive and less derogatory. You could balance out your unpleasantness by being more pleasant generally. In so doing you would start to balance your books with the universe. There is no requirement to do anything in respect of me, rather a more general debt to the universe. I personally am unlikely to feel aggrieved or owed. So to try to make it up to me would be silly and probably disingenuous.

Here we have an example of a consciousness expanded away from the petty and personal to the wider and universal. At the moment it seems Trump takes everything personally and vindictively so. His focus is centered on him and does not have a wider universal view. It is all about his personality and his sense of self. He feels hard done by a lot of the time and is prone to playing angry victim.

This sense of victimhood is shared by vast tracts of humanity; they bemoan that life is unfair and complain that things are not as they should be. They imagine life a burden forced upon them. They try to have life on their own terms. If they don’t like how they look they will pay a plastic surgeon to surgically disfigure them. Their consciousness is not expanded beyond their perception of how the meat looks. They are fixated on something arguably silly.

In the blue books opus the Tibetan discusses initiation as a sequential expansion of consciousness, here diagrammatically represented.

In the diagram, the scale is reconfigured at the end of each open cone. The diameters represent the breadth of consciousness and width of inclusiveness. Each successive cone is an order of magnitude increase in breadth of consciousness. The scale is perhaps logarithmic.

According to the text the consciousness of a fifth degree initiate differs very markedly from your normal common or garden human. What might concern them is not the same as the house home heart wallet and genitals of normal people. Normal people worry about a host of mundane things which in the wider evolutionary scheme do not matter very much. Your much sought after promotion in job is of no consequence in terms of your spiritual evolution.

If you think of a snake as it grows and evolves it has a tendency to shed its skin so that it, no longer constrained, can grow. A similar view can be had here. As a person evolves the ways and thought patterns of the old life must be shed. Let go of. So that a newer nascent consciousness can expand unburdened by the habits {bad} of the past. The fresh new skin does not need the scaly old ways to constrain it. This letting go can mean relationships which drag you down or they can simply need recalibrating. Old habits die hard and these are the detritus that needs letting go of.

Being obsessed  with little trite details can prevent the expansion of consciousness. One needs to move from the petty and personal to more universal and joined up. To recognise there is but one life to which we all pertain.

To the would be initiate expansion of consciousness and spiritual evolution are the only goals of merit. They seek to rise above the mundane and not remain trapped in the mire which is often petty and of a deeply personal nature.

Letting go is vital in order to enable expansion of consciousness. Mental skin, rigid self-image must be shed again and again.

You cannot expand your consciousness by keeping the same view of the world you currently have. It acts as barrier to evolution, a ghetto wall which keeps you constrained.

Letting go is a truly vital component to the expansion of consciousness. Letting go vivifies.

Chemistry – DMABN – Oxford – Dream 14-11-2025

Here is this morning’s dream.  I have no idea where this came from.

The dream starts in a Chemistry laboratory with wooden lab top benches but otherwise modern services supplied. On the bench in the water bath of a rotary evaporator is a round bottom flask it is being rotated by the evaporator mechanism. There is a thermometer in the water bath and I can see a liquid in which a white compound is partially dissolved. It is dissolving. I am with a man in a white lab coat. I note that he is not wearing safety specs. He asks me what I think the intermolecular forces are in compound being dissolved. He says that at one end it has a cyano group. So I suggest that there may be a dipole involved. In a nearby tank is another flask similarly set up. He says that molecule also has a methyl group meta to the cyano on a benzene ring. I say that that would mess with the orientation of the dipole. He comes back to the near flask and says that para to the cyano group is a dimethylamino group. I say that given the push-pull effect that the intermolecular forces are probably dipole dominant but that there may also be significant hydrogen bonding with solvent at the amino end. I say that it is dimethyl-amino-benzonitrile DMABN. He says yes. He asks me what the reactivity would be. I suggest that maybe the ortho positions might be weakly reactive. I say that in a prior life I knew a bit about DMABN and that it can form TICT, twisted intramolecular charge transfer states in solvents of the right polarity. I probably know more about this molecule than is necessary.

I show him a reaction vessel on one bench. It is on a stirrer-hotplate and the flask is not stoppered. On the next bench behind me is  similar flask. The liquids in each are being stirred and one can see a mild vortex in the centres. I suggest he watches the far flask. I take a small pipette and add some liquid to the first flask. On addition a faint pink colour appears which fades. In the far flask a UV-purple colour appears. I say to look at the UV. He says it must be blue for us to see. I say OK look at the emission from that flask a part of which is just inside the blue edge of the visible spectrum. It is a form of unknown chemical transference. A type of remote chemiluminescence. He is surprised.

I am joined by a man roughly my age in a tweed like suit he ushers me off around the building. We are in one room in which a young man is brought in with two academics. He is to have a Ph.D. viva. I wish him good luck and we leave. I am then shown various offices and the underground chemistry stores. I can see banks of gas cylinders and empty basement rooms. He takes me back to the lab. I am there advised to put written labels on the experiment I have going, there are now new lab protocols. Ok I agree and write some out to be fixed to the bench. They ask me when was the last time I made a molecule. I say it must have been when I was ~22 say around 1986. I wanted a molecule that could not be bought so I had a go at making it myself.

I am told that I will need to participate in the Oxford chemistry outreach day due soon. I can use my fancy new experiment or see the man in the teaching labs downstairs. I am escorted down there thinking he might have something on molecular spectroscopy. This would be much easier and safer for me.

As we are going down the back stairs to the teaching labs it suddenly occurs to me that in some weird surreptitious way I am having an interview, I am being interviewed, implicit is for a job. I think to myself that this is fucking weird and that there is no way that I could teach nor could there ever be a sensible fit. Something is being manufactured, cobbled together, in a roundabout tortuous way. It does not bode well. It is a bit daft.

As the dream ends I come to thinking WTF, where did that come from?

Nord Holland – Fürstenberg – Clones – Snatch Team – Dream – 12-11-2025

Here is this morning’s dream. Like many others it comes out of the blue.

The dream opens with me looking at a map of Noord-Holland, with a bit of Friesland and Zwolle. In the dream I hear Nord Holland but the map has the entire area including the islands of to the north and the large inlet. It is a warm sunny day in a small village or town. I am following discreet tidy signs to the “Bahnhof” or train station. I don’t know why but the word looks out of context for the Dutch environment. I follow the signs into a very small quaint train station and board a tiny local train. I need to get to Fuhrstenberg or Fürstenberg. The train will take me into a much large nodal communication hub.

I am sat on a bench in the train and at the next large stop am joined by Anita and two Japanese men in black salary man suits. They have been to an academic conference nearby. There is a lot of technology and high tech industry in the area. She is pleased to see me and I her. We talk briefly about the conference she has been to and that I am travelling to Fürstenberg. I do not know the way yet but am sure that I can figure it out at the major Haupt-Bahnhof. I alight at the big station and they continue on to the airport.

When I arrive I get off at the train station concours. It is European. It is heaving with commuters at rush hour. I look at various schematic train line maps and am none the wiser. There is an information centre with computer terminals. The signage is in roman script  and Japanese. I stand at a computer terminal next to a Japanese man and show him how to change the language options. I enter Furstenberg in the search engine and it shows a simple two stage train journey to get there. I will have to make one change and wait there a little then I will get to my destination. It will be a few hours.

I go up to the ticket barriers and note just how very crowded they are. I have purchased the on-going tickets for my journey. I look up to the station clock and can see from the hands that I have some time to wait before departure. I decide to go into a cafeteria. I sit at an old-school sixties US diner table with my coffee and a newspaper. It has bum-sticker plastic chairs and a red Formica top. There is a metallic edge protector all around. I am joined by a man in a light blue sixties style “Mormon” suit with thin lapels. He is wearing winkle picker shoes. He also has a newspaper. We look up and catch each other’s gaze. He is like a young George Peppard with very blue piercing eyes. The eyes are startling. He has immaculate blonde hair. On his lapel I can see a pin badge with what looks like a Renault diamond motif and a vertical bar going through the diamond. {Post hoc query masonic?} It is at most one centimetre in size. Having caught eyes we return to our newspapers.

He then speaks. He reaches over and pins a similar badge to my lapel. He says that it is a tracker jammer and that it should buy us a little time. He gestures down to the watch on my right wrist. It is a metallic watch with a metallic strap, the type that I would never buy, very Del-boy. He asks where I got this. I say that it was a gift. He says that they are using it to track me. Now the signal has stopped they will arrive in person. I note an Indian looking woman on a nearby table is working with “George”.

A team of people come in the cafeteria door and head towards us. Among the team are two young men with albino like colouration who are twins. I think them to be clones. There is another one identical in the team. They are a snatch team. The twins come to try to grab hold of me. I grab the head of each in my arms in a headlock. I have one clone under each arm. I lift them up, raising my elbows so that I am holding them by their heads. I have their full weight in the crook  of my arms. I can feel their necks snap. “George” lets off a flash-bang distraction grenade and the Indian woman heads towards a fire door hotly pursued by the other clone. She manages to open the door and is followed through by the clone who she fights off. She jumps onto the back of a hood down old-style Mercedes convertible and is joined by the clone. They wrestle there as the car speeds off.

There is mayhem in the cafeteria. I stand in the open fire door and watch as there is a kerfuffle involving “George” and the snatch team. I take the wristwatch off and throw it into a bin.  

As I come to I think “Oh shit not yet another spy dream. That is what you get for watching the first episode of Killing Eve!”.

The dream ends.