Different is Scary – Have you Forgotten Your Meds?

Clearly along with Senior Service cigarettes and the odd whisky and ginger, my mum must have had too much N-(4-hydroxyphenyl)acetamide when she was pregnant with me. The Flintstones in the White House have so decreed. What does Wilma make of all this?

Last night we watched a film “The Accountant” in which Ben Affleck played a neurodivergent maths whizz who was a trained martial artist and special forces trained assassin sniper. He is a big bloke. His dad told him,

“Different is scary! Sooner or later different is scary and they don’t like it. Fight. Don’t be a victim.”

Or words to that effect. He encouraged his son to fight back when bullied.

I have experimental evidence gained from a FFT EEG; a fast Fourier transform {FFT} frontal lobe electroencephalograph that my brain waves differ from family and friends. The experiments were not exhaustive, they were indicative. The fact that I downloaded and worked through the patent for the device is unusual for others, not for me. I wanted to understand the instrument and its limitations. I know more about FFT than many because I did my undergraduate third year research project using a state of the art Bruker FFT infrared spectrometer on 77K solid state Platinum and Palladium mixed valence compounds. I looked into Fourier transformation. It had a tenth of a wavenumber resolution and could measure tiny site splitting in crystal lattices. We were particularly interested in very low frequency vibrations along the pseudo one dimensional longitudinal crystal axes.

On this basis it is safe to suggest that I could be classed as neurodivergent, without specifying in which manner.

As a further piece of evidence I cite the dream data catalogued here. It diverges significantly from normal.

Using the tag line from the film, some people might find me scary others just odd. I can say that when viewed from a neurotypical perspective I have trouble making and sustaining friendships. I do not engage in the highly transactional itchy back game and quasi-sycophantic behaviours often deemed necessary for career progression. I am not a toady or an arse licking nematode.

If an increasing number of people are being “diagnosed” on the spectrum is that indicative of an increase in the number of people who have passed the qualifying workshops to make such a diagnosis or is it a real thing? Is humanity evolving? Will neurotypicals become an artefact and extinct? The dinosaurs will die out from measles and COVID soon enough…

Of course if you are scared of people like me it is easy to prescribe chemical cosh medication to make the anomalous more compliant. The “monged” argue less. You could suggest that the entire reason I have such an active dreaming is that I have simply forgotten to take my medication like a good boy.

“Have you forgotten to take your meds again?

Just take a few of these and everything will be alright…

You will be normal and somnambulant like the rest of us.

Look here is a big new mobile ‘phone.

Pretty, shiny, precious….

There, there, don’t fret…”

Is It Me? – Introversion

Over the last few weeks, I have been interacting with the medical profession. It has raised a not uncommon question for me. One which had me investigating an Autism diagnosis a decade ago. The question is:

Is it me? Am I too unfiltered, direct and accurate or are people insecure, precious, pompous and defensive? Am I not full enough with bullshit and braggadocio? Do I fail to play the itchy back dog sniffing arses game well enough? Must I always wear a mask in order not to freak people out?

It seems to me that I unnerve people. I dial back several orders of magnitude already when I interact. It seems the only answer to not causing angst and a feeling of being unsettled is not to interact at all.  To keep my gob shut and wherever possible keep out of public circulation. In general, I have a worse reaction from “men” than from women.

Am I simply not socially viable in the common socio-political illusion / context. Am I just too weird and feral.

Is it me? Am I the problem?

The Proliferation of Syndromes and Deterioration in Mental Health

In my life time I have seen a marked proliferation in so-called mental health or developmental syndromes and those diagnosed therewith. They are quite trendy. Unsurprisingly the number of people qualified to make said diagnoses has also increased. There is a demand for diagnoses hence a growing supply of those qualified to diagnose. There is money in it, several grand per diagnosis.

Is this a real phenomenon or a market created one?

I heard the other day that some people were giving fluoxetine to pet dogs, FFS.

Anything which strays from the peer defined normal is at risk of being labelled a syndrome conferring fame upon the person who “discovered” it.

We can lock up the weird and abnormal. Give ‘em loads of drugs and excuse them from the workplace in case they disturb the humdrum predictable mediocrity of petty power struggles and cock waving. Give them some unemployment benefits and teach them how to weave baskets and package wellness products that do not work but smell nice.

Is ADHD real or are people just bored fucking rigid with the way school is taught, controlled and examined?

Discuss…

I have tutored quite a few people diagnosed with ADHD, 1:1. I had no problem keeping their sharp attention for an hour or more. One just has to invent and teach better, to stimulate instead or bore.

I have a hypothesis. It says:

The apparent mental health crisis is simply tens of thousands of minds rejecting the way “normal” society is and the societal compulsion to conform therewith. It is not a mental health crisis rather an increasing failure of society.

It is not going to get better. There are no fairy godmothers.

The average, normal fearfully compliant people, don’t like this.

What percentage of people need to be treated for mental health “problems” until it is the so-called normal who are diagnosed as having a syndrome?

The human mundane-obligatory-compliance syndrome, FOMO for short. There are hordes who already suffer and can be diagnosed therewith. It is a social media pandemic.

There will come a time when those with so-called mental health problems are the majority. This will flip the entire notion of sanity, whether polite or otherwise.

I’ll wager that if I had to sit “A” level physics and chemistry as they are currently examined in the UK, I would not do well. I would get frustrated at the intransigence and tick box, mark by template mentality. I would not be happy having to adhere to verbatim parrot dogma.

I have an honours degree in chemistry and a Ph.D. in chemical physics.

I would probably join the Royal Marines instead of going to university if I was 18 now. I would certainly not have written ~60 science based publications.

People don’t like to face reality; they tend to prefer increasing the number of exceptions and justifying new extensions to rules and theories. They tend to keep ideas and notions, long after their sell by and use by dates.

If it does not fit, make it a syndrome, a special case, an exception. Write several theses about why it errs or strays from the norm. Refer to multiple other authors who are doing the same things. Make a career out of it…

But whatever you do, you must not question the societal norms… that is heresy.

Questioning Deity – Are You Autistic?

Not long after I had my colon cancer operated on; I contacted a specialist in adult autism. I wanted to find out if I was autistic or had Asperger’s, albeit high functioning. The other day we watched Claire Taylor in a documentary called “Are You Autistic?” In that documentary a few people diagnosed with autism spoke of the phenomenon of “masking” in which they behaved in a manner so as to conceal their underlying autism. Said masking is tyring and can lead to burn out.  

I have a similar notion which is called chameleon. I can blend in, mimic and fit in for a while. I can be at home in a posh place like the Ritz or the Hotel New Otani in Tokyo. I can also go into a very rough dive / criminal pub and have a beer without fear.

One of the motivators behind my inquiry is/was the over-reaction to question and critique which I have experienced from the self diagnosed omniscient, pompous and self-important people over the years. Those equipped at birth with a penis are the worst at this over-reaction.

Maybe they are just deeply insecure?

Maybe I have autism?

Maybe I simply fail to kowtow to socio-political order and the pecking-order held in mind?

The specialist concerned, being a psychologist, wanted to know if my inquiry was about the cancer and dying. {See people make assumptions all the time!!} Because, I did not have enough witnesses about my pan-continental childhood and any extant parents, she was unable to complete the full diagnosis. She offered her opinion based on our conversation that I was not autistic. You could say it is/was moot. Either I am not autistic or I am damn good at masking. Place your bets.

It seems to me I keep coming across, mostly men, who react badly to me even if I am not challenging them. I could be delusional. There are a large number of observations where I don’t talk enough bullshit, pat backs and otherwise ritually sniff arseholes. Some how I am not laddie enough. It is so false and such a waste of time.

I have a hunch that I/we are in the fallout stage of one of these interactions. Face is very important so not a lot can be done.

One is not allowed to question deity and masculine medical deity in particular. It gets their hackles up.

Hey-ho…

I have started looking into alternative arrangements now…