This dream is in two parts.

I am with prof. AR, we are setting up an event for young people, Ph.D. students and post docs. We are in a seminar room. I am going to give a presentation. I turn on my lap top and cannot find the PowerPoint document. It is on my other laptop. Prof. AR thinks she might have a copy on hers. We set up a projector and her media guy connects the lap top and the projector. It takes ages to get set up. When the file opens it is not my presentation. I gesticulate by a finger across the throat to cut. Which he does.

I turn to the audience and say, “It is clear that one needs to make sure one has the presentation. Step one.”

Everyone laughs.

I explain that because of where I find myself, I cannot detrimentally affect my career, because I no longer have one. The only way I can affect my career irrespective, is positively.

I ask them, “In this day and age, is it still ok to have ambition? Because they have their careers ahead of them, what do they need to do to push on?”

Someone in the audience says, “you can’t speak to us like that, it is old fashioned dinosaur speak.”

“Why not”, I reply “It is your future not mine?”

“It is not right; it is insensitive and wrong for our generation!”

I turn my back and simply walk out of the room without speaking. The room is silent because this is so unexpected.

The scene changes and I am at a very big academic conference. There are many big cheese scientists there. I am in the foyer looking for my book. I can’t find it. Weirdly I am due to speak at the conference dinner. I need some excerpts from my book. I can’t find it.

I go into the conference dinner it is plush and expensive.

I am sat on one of the side tables.

It is my turn to speak on ways of thinking. That thinking needs to be synthetic and joined up as opposed to divisive and separative.  I walk over to top table where there is a big cheese prof. who I do not recognise.

I argue with him that black and white thinking is archaic and that there needs to be many shades of grey and nuance in the debate.

He gets agitated and combative.

I turn my back and slowly walk out of the room. You could hear a pin drop.

Dream ends,