Conditional Transactional Interactions

Many problems arise not because things are but because people think they should be different. This enforcement of conditional opinion about how things should be is directly causal of conflict and of angst. There is another level to this where problems arise out of people thinking that things should meet expectations. Expectations are a mental-emotional construct of largely human origin.

To give a trite example.

Data collection suggests that for the western European male population an average life expectancy is a tad over 80 years. Nevertheless many die in their sixties. People kind of think they should live to 80. There is even planning to that target. I am largely convinced, in my opinion, that it is very unlikely that I will live to that age. I should not have that opinion and it can make people uncomfortable that I do. Many people like the idea of a long life and the expression that X left us too early is not uncommon. You should not die that young. It is a tragedy.

If you say such a death is natural and therefore not a tragedy you are speaking heinous. You should not be so cruel heartless and frank. Because of opinion like that you are a problem. You do not comply with the social should. Should makes you a problem and a right bastard to boot.

Wanting things to be different, access to the green grass on the other side of the fence is a human notion of change according to how things should be. The notion of “rights” in a democratic society is currently being widely eroded. This is because people think that others should not have opinions which differ from theirs. There is suppression and on occasion violence because people should agree, have the same colour skin and follow the same notion of deity as the noble and omniscient US.

“If you convert to our religion, we will not slay your ass painfully! You should follow our God, the only true God!”

This should causes death and bloodshed.

I live as I do, it does not really impinge on the outer world over much. Theoretically there may be opinions that it should not be thus. I should not live like this. The holders of those opinions have created a problem by the notion of should. It does not gel with the reality.

There is a disconnect between should and is/are. Which can be viewed as problematic. If you drop the imposition of should-based opinion any notion of problem evaporates.

I am now prepared for no hip operation in the rest of this foreseeable calendar year {As a starter for ten}. There is no problem outside the compound with this. It will limit some of my gardening and I will be taking pain medication. As a thought experiment others might imagine that this should not be the case. Yet despite the should, it is. A problem in this kind of gedankenexperiment arises solely out of a contrast between notions of should, an aspiration to the contrary and some idea about what is right for me to bear.

“In this day and age…”

In the UK news people harp on about waiting lists for appointments and operations as if these were some God-given right. They are not. I am not owed, due nor do I particularly deserve an operation. Were it not for modern medicine neither the wife nor I would be alive.

Viewed from one angle a bit of end of life pain is no big deal. It is only a problem if people deem that it could be and therefore should be different.

Problems often arise out of attempts to alter reality and the unfoldment of life. People try to steer things towards how they think they should be, how they ought to be, of how they want them to be.

The infliction of people’s opinion of should is one of the A number one causes of strife.

Israel thinks Iran should not have nuclear weapons so they coerce Trump into using big bombs. It is OK for US to have nuclear bombs but THEY should not.

There is a part for me which thinks that if Israel had been a lot more friendly and cooperative helping local economies to develop a comfortable middle class over the last few decades, all the simmering anger and bile might have faded. However that is not the case. A different suppressive ideology has held sway. Oppression has no sell by date; it must be continued until revolution. The mind set of they should be taught a bloody vengeful and punitive lesson has endured.

It has not brought peace, it has not brought love, it has not brought harmony.

A little thought shows that should is a key component in many problems, local, relational and in terms of geo-politics.

Arguably should is more dangerous and destructive than nuclear weapons.

The previous post is an I Ching consultation and I will use it to inform any interactions upcoming which I might have in 2025. I am aware that confirmation bias is a widespread phenomenon. One of the lines speaks about someone withdrawn from the world being seen as aloof by others and not caring about what others think or say about him. That fits me, maybe. Now is my confirmation bias wanting to see that fit or is it by way of an accurate description, an oracle which arises out of six shakes of three coins. It could be a fluke. It is suggesting an increase in interaction. If that happens my confirmation bias might say “look the I Ching is right”.

My confirmation bias, if indeed it is that has found numerous good fits between I Ching consultations and “reality” during the near thirty five years I have been consulting it. I could be delusional. But If I am I am detached and delusional.

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For most people interpersonal interaction or “relationship” is of a conditional transactional nature. This time of year, people send Christmas cards and exchange presents. Good behaviour in children is rewarded by a nice present, if finances allow. This is a transaction. “If you are good, you can have a nice bike.” If we send someone a Christmas card and they don’t return the favour, they may get left off next year’s card list. If don Corleone does you a favour, you owe him one back. If you fund the Trump election campaign you might get the nod for attorney general. You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.

One could say that this normal socio-political behaviour. We could call it conditional because the conditional if is implied if not explicit. Taken too far this behaviour is corruption. Gifts to politicians to curry favour need to be transparent, but a bribe is still a bribe. Bribery is an expectation and a norm in some countries. The confirmation bias of a norm fails to see illegality. “That is the way we do things around here.”

Nearly always with favour is a returned favour expected. People have a confirmation bias that this is the way of the world. Few acts are genuinely unconditional. There is some kind of price, or reward and maybe temptation or manipulation.

If you look back at the I Ching consultation it suggests that some might offer sexual favours easily to gain power. This theme is throughout human interactional history.

Out of the blue we had visitors yesterday. They asked us if we had plans for tonight New Year’s Eve. We don’t. The lack of drama in the festive period in this house is notable in comparison to much of the world. Are we ruining the illusion of Christmas like the grinch? No, it is calm and drama free. Which for some is difficult to understand.

If you live by the mantra of scratch my back… and someone did something unconditional your confirmation bias would imagine that they wanted something back. Recently I asked someone for their opinion on a course of action I was considering and he said I should use the lens of “what is in it for me?”

That is not at all how I think. Our orientation towards the world differs.

I am coming around to an opinion / hypothesis that the majority of people do not understand unconditional behaviour or acts. Most people are on the make, most of the time. They are after something; they want some thing or other. Which means they can be leveraged, by favour, money, kudos, apparent friendship or a New Year’s Honour.

My confirmation bias is that I am unlikely to be on the New Year’s honours list and sure enough we have not yet received anything from The Cabinet Office.

I told you so.

Tag: Conditional Transactional Interactions

Confirmation Bias and Conditional Transactional Interactions