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Brixton Prison, Jebb Avenue London S.W. 2 Inglan

it was de miggle a di rush hour
hevrybody jus a hustle and a bustle
to go home fi dem evenin shower
mi an Jim stan up waitin pon a bus
not causin no fuss

when all of a sudden a police van pull up
out jump tree policemen
de whole a dem carryin baton
dem walk straight up to me and Jim
one a dem hold on to Jim
seh dem tekin him in
Jim tell him fi leggo a him
for him nah do nutt’n
and ‘im nah t’ief, not even a but’n
Jim start to wriggle
de police start to giggle

Sonny’s Lettah – Linton Kwesi Johnson

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Isn’t it funny that when you wait a long time for a bus at the bus stop near Jebb Avenue on Brixton Hill, there are none then all of a sudden three arrive at once?

Every weekday morning for around five years I waited at that bus stop.

Last Friday I had a radio-nuclide bone scan, Tuesday I had an ECG and comprehensive cardio ultrasound, tomorrow I will have overnight monitoring for sleep apnoea, Monday I will start taking industrial grade laxatives with a colonoscopy due Tuesday afternoon and next Friday I am due a CT scan to check for diffuse idiopathic skeletal hyperostosis (DISH).

What a fun-filled and action-packed time I have.  That is quite a lot to cram in. That is a lot of buses.

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Tomorrow I will get fitted for various monitoring including cardio. Later, they may go one stage further and do a hospital admission with full electroencephalography (EEG).

Given hip pain, enlarged prostate and hot weather, I am not sure they will get a good data set.

I don’t know what gizmo I am getting tomorrow. BUT if there is an EEG it could easily generate an anomaly which they may struggle to explain. I know from before and self-test that I can flat-line a fast Fourier transform frontal lobe EEG within the S:N ratio. If this happens in a sleep study it might raise questions or get ignored. I would be an anomaly.

The hospital version has EEG. It may never happen.

As a researcher one is trained to look out for anything unusual. I have a low parathyroid hormone level which seems anomalous. It makes my research bells go ting. It does not seem so important to others.

It seems to me that the consensus is coming around to the idea that the root cause of many of my ailments is being ascribed to the Holy Trinity, fat, fags and booze. My high iron levels will get adjusted during any hip operation by blood loss, in the first instance.

In terms of the Holy Trinity I only have fat left to renounce.

Whenever I watch a medical video, say on a part of the endocrine system, I think to myself that is a whole lot of variables which you are asserting to be interrelated yet you only have very few data points. Is that not a bit of a stretch?

I suspect that I would have been a shit medical student, too many questions. I would struggle with the exams.

In a fortnight’s time I should have a few more pieces of information, including my putative diagnosis of DISH.

Looking at the bus timetable there may be a wait……after a fun-filled and action-packed week.

Touch wood, cross fingers etc.