Tag: faith

Prodigal Son – Rastafari – Dream 10-01-22

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One from the vaults…

Here is one of my three dreaming segments from last night…

I am sat with others in a circle on small individual chairs. The feeling is like some kind of group discussion / therapy. We are discussing the prodigal son. Fi gets up and says that the parable is all about profligacy and sin. She maintains that the son in question is wasteful and does not respect material things. I say that the prodigal son sees the lack of value amongst the material things after his many incarnations. He develops humility and is no longer drawn to the earthly. Hence, he returns to the father, the source. Nevertheless, normal humanity sees only the materiality and deeply resents the prodigal for wasting that to which they are attached.

A little while later I am walking through the centre and bump into a Rastafarian who is younger than me and has bright shiny eyes. He asks if I am the dude who defended the prodigal son? Yes. He asks if I know the true meaning of Melchizedek. Yes. I explain to him that for quite a while I was drawn to Rastafarian mysticism. He asks me to lend him a cd. I go over to my pile. We are now somehow in Brixton. I explain to him that I used to live here a long while ago. I shuffle through my CDs and find Prodigal Son by Steel Pulse. Jah Rastafari.

I move around the centre and am broadly accepted by everyone there. Word has gotten around about me. I try to leave the centre and follow a winding spiral staircase which goes through various flats. I arrive at a back door. I open it and step outside. Now I am being chased by a young black guy. I stop and say, “hit me if you wish. I meant no harm.” He considers this for a moment and then says, “nah, just don’t do it again.” He walks off.

In the dream I know that this is advising me that although the familiar is tempting going back to old haunts does not really work.

Dream ends.

Clearly, I Am the Problem – Neurodivergence

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Over the years I have encountered many reactive and defensive behaviours in my interactions with people, mostly men. It seems to me that I do not do the ritual arse sniffing in the way they expect. Nor do I play the laddish itchy back game with enough ego stroking. The worse reactions are from men around 40. By the time they get to 60 they are past most of the BS. I do not piss up the wall of the urinal in the correct manner, apparently.

Clearly, given that I am the only common factor in all this, I am THE problem.

Chris Packham has been doing a TV series on neurodiversity in which he gets people who are diagnosed with various syndromes to do a short film to portray their experiences to their nearest and dearest. Most of the “weirdos” seem interesting to me and fairly high functioning. They are not boring.

The gist is that many feel/felt stress trying to fit and comply with the harsh societal expectations.

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No matter how hard they tried they did not fit well and the “diagnoses” gave them a handy explanation for why. It brought relief and sense-making.

My own experience working with the diagnosed is that the worse thing “normal” people can express towards them is impatience and huff. If people are impatient, it causes fear and upset. It leads to internalisation and makes any attempt at expression far worse and more dreaded. Impatience could be said to be an enemy of neurodiverse inclusion. Impatience is the start of a far from virtuous circle.

“You should not be like that. It ought to be easy. Huff!!”

This is the foundation stone of cruelty directed at the different and the stick used to marginalise them. May be they/we are not the problem. Maybe it is the self-righteous and self-important “normal” people. These people who are highly impatient and immediacy fixated.

I know by experimental measurement that I am not neurotypical. I have measured my brain waves using a fast Fourier transform electroencephalograph. Mine differ in that there is way lower neuronal activity which I can also further silence.

It would be impossible to convey my state of mind in a film. Because “normal” people cannot handle neuro-silence and their internal dialogue would start to chatter. If you cannot be quiet mentally you simply cannot get it.

Felix, the stray cat, is unwell. We think we are in the palliative care regime. When I go to feed him and Gandalf, he gets under my feet and rubs himself against my legs. I have to pick him up gently with my foot and “throw” him out of the way. He thinks this is an ace game. Because of my arthritis I am not steady on my legs and stopping and starting is difficult. One day I may stand on him in a painful way.

There is no way that I can explain to Felix that if he is hungry the best thing to do is to get out of my way. Food would arrive quicker and with no less certainty.

It is very difficult to convey how and in what way one might differ. It has to be experienced personally to be fully grasped. All the rest is extrapolation or intellectualisation.

Upcoming I am going to be looking to have my hips surgically replaced. Already I am thinking about how I might behave so as not to get a strange reaction from the surgeon. I will not fit his mental models and there will be a disconnect. Yet I have need of surgery.

How much will I have to act and conceal and hide so as not to be THE problem?

How much will I have to reel myself in?

Metatron – Dream Follow UP

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Until this morning I was not consciously aware of the name of the angel Metatron. No doubt I had encountered the name in my wide ranging studies over the years. But why is this being to the fore now? I had forgotten it.

Although there are a lot of references to angels in the occult and kabbalistic literature I have largely not focussed on them. Perhaps I have been put off by new agers asking angels for guidance. Some people imagine they talk with angels. I had assumed that angels, being lofty, were none of my business. They have more important things to do than helping mundane life balance for humans.

Various kabbala put Metatron at the crown of the tree of life befitting an archangel. “He” is on the central pillar in this depiction along with Michael, Gabriel and Sandalphon.

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The cube of Metraton comprises Da’at Chesed Gevurah Tiferet Hod Netzach and Yesod. It does not stretch down into the dense physical world of Malkuth. Containing Da-at or Da’ath it “touches” on God Immanent {Binah Chokhmah and Kether}. It contains the dreamer {Chesed Gevurah Tiferet } and the dreamed { Hod Netzach and Yesod (Malkuth)}. The dreamer and the dreamed.

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Clearly it has elements of the star of David – look at Merkaba above.

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The cube of Metatron spans the “worlds” of Briah and Yetzirah but not the active world of earth Assiah. Through the “thread” of Da’at or Daath it touches God. The idea portrayed here is to become at-one with God Immanent by following the central column. Manifestation is the lightning strike down, 1,2,3,4,5 etc, return to the Father is up the central pillar.

I have a translation of the Book of Enoch on the desk behind me. Sometimes Metatron is equated with the scribe Enoch.

That was pretty unexpected…

Do You Bat for the Same Team as Jesus and Buddha?

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In our times where once again brutality and coercion are to the fore, where people soap box to gain attention, where adamant dogmatic assertion tries to overcome and suppress considered debate, there are many who do not bat on their team. The gargantuan ego of ME swells and seeks airtime. Many a brutalist claims God is on their side and that divine will is aback their wholly “justified” actions. But at one level we know that this is bullshit.

I’ll postulate that the gobshite occurrence frequency per unit population has risen sharply in recent years and that the decibel count of their most welcome interventions is significantly enhanced. After all, where would we be without the benefit of their omniscience?

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I don’t recall either of these gentlemen advocating the use of 2000 pound bombs to blow poor, near defenceless people and their families, to smithereens. That is not the action of team Jesus or team Buddha. I don’t recall them ever mentioning doing “deals”, for mutual benefit. That is Mephisto talking. They never said love thy neighbour but only if he gives you a large wad of cash or rare-earth metals. Neither of these guys was conditional.

Viewed from more than one angle humanity and western humanity in particular is no longer bound by morals and decency. A “what is in it for me” mentality can be found on many sides. Genuine, as opposed to PR, altruism is rare. Sodom and Gomorrah would be seen as bastions of morality in our times. We have a president who allegedly knobs a porn star. There are many “leaders” whose legality is questionable. The corrupt get elected by the corruptible. There is a bit of a lads club.

We could re-write Matthew 5

Blessed are the loud gobshites, for they will talk over everyone and browbeat them into silence.

Blessed are the corrupt for they will slightly lower our tax burdens as a bribe for our collusion.

Blessed are the warmongers for they will enhance the values of our shares in the defence industries.

Blessed are the hypocrites for they will ban abortion but allow God like IVF. They have the power of life and death.

Blessed are the vengeful for they will stir our righteous ire to get our backing for their slaughter and death. We the just, shall prevail whatever the cost to the heathen subhuman hordes.

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I don’t think Buddha and Jesus have many on their pre-season roster, they cannot afford the salaries, the perks nor can they give big kudos and internet fame. They can’t offer backhanders and jobs for the sycophants, pals and donors. It is not their way.

Whose team are you on?