Tag: folly

Chaotic Mess Dream etc. 05-09-2025

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

Last night we watched “The Thursday Murder Club” which was enjoyable. I suspect that if I am in some kind of nanna community setting {soon?} I might well get involved in any protest. Somehow I might end up on some kind of committee.

Last night I had a series of dreaming snippets that went at rollercoaster speed. They were on a recurrent theme of MESS, massive messes made by others which somehow how pertain to me. They are not my messes to solve. Multiple people once acquainted to me are involved, they created these messes because of their behaviour to me. They have not treated me well and done stuff behind my back which cannot be undone. They have showed me a lack of respect. They have bad mouthed me in one way or another.

The snippets were so fast that I did not make significant effort to recall them.

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Somehow I do not the fit the mould of behaviour I am supposed to. I am not as they imagine someone with my background {reincarnations included} to be.  People invariably judge a book by its cover.

The thing is “spiritual” and karmic messes cannot be solved via traditional wheeler-dealer-itchy-back-toady-cash-position-bribery games. Sorry does never unpick karmic debts. But people might imagine that the normal playbook always applies. They are mistaken.

In the Tibetan tradition it is customary to approach a high lama for blessings and to have them place a white silk-like khata scarf over your head. This is considered auspicious and the offering, in both directions, must be made with respect, compassion and purity of motive.

In our what-is-in-it-for-me day and age, purity of motive is as rare as a rare thing on the 29th of February.

The dream was so chaotic and disordered, with people imagining that they could blag it, wing it and generally go through the motions and “get away with it”.

People try to use the same strategies and behaviour that gets them into messes as a way to extract themselves from said mess. This is not a sane or wise approach. But you cannot advise the omniscient in any meaningful way.

They know best after all…

They are insistent on repeating their folly over and over.
 

Not My Circus…

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

This morning I was up early and without any extensive dream to write up and follow up.  Yesterday I read up a bit on Tsongkhapa and it seems that they think he became a full buddha as opposed to a reincarnating bodhisattva. Not sure why some dude who died six hundred years ago is at the periphery of my consciousness. He was kind of a founder / renewer of Tibetan Buddhism.

I read to today that Nigel the bellend Farage is 62, roughly the same age as me. He is still gadding about in DC. People age at different rates and clearly he and BoJo have a lot more get up and go than me. My mentality is not about going out there and soap-boxing, stirring the shit. I don’t need the oxygen of attention.

Increasingly I am less and less engaged with the news. It is a same shit different day thing. The Spanish dude is the only one to openly lament the European response to Gaza which will be a stain on collective conscience one day and for ever going forward. Hindsight is often more accurate than spin and propaganda.

“And you did what while people were being slaughtered? Fuck all? Really?”

Irrespective of any dreams I may have, I am under no illusion that power and politics are seen as more important. I cannot fit into pretty much any narrative. There is not really a story to be spun or told which could prove socio-politically useful or beneficial. Therefore it is best that I remain “unheard” of. My estimation is that life here, despite any dreams, will carry on much to the same pace and rhythm. I am not planning to inflict myself on anyone else.

The world “out there” is not my circus nor are they my monkeys.

I estimate that I have perhaps a little more than a decade left to live. Which will largely pass away from public gaze, as a person living adjunct to life in as minimally participatory a manner as I can manage.

Emptiness and impermanence can lead to a sense of nihilism. That somehow there is no point or purpose to anything. It is all going to dissolve. So why build those cloud capp’d towers and gorgeous palaces?

I believe to an extent in fate and if fate decrees it, then my end of days might differ. I have had no sign of a change in tack yet.

Life here, despite the lack of events, moves fast. There are not multiple meetings and oh so important chock full diaries. “Where” I am moves day to day, my inclination arrives and vanishes. What I might have been up for one morning is gone the next. The now is quite fast. An aperture opens and closes.

Who knows “where” I will be this time tomorrow?

You’re Havin a Larf…

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A lot of people try to take advantage of others and play games. They may have cunning ploys. They may try to snoop and spy on others, to gather information from insiders and do anything they can to get an upper hand. They may ask multiple opinions. They may overestimate the quality of their source material and imagine that ancient data and accounts are still valid. People who imagine themselves smart, in the know and “clever” can get themselves into all sorts of messes. They may enjoy playing “secret squirrels”. They may imagine an idea to be good when it is not. Because they are, of course, infallible.

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I have never appointed a spokesperson or a port-parole.

Anyone claiming to speak on my behalf is a fraud, a shyster and a downright lying bastard.

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Self-perception may differ significantly from that held by others. If people are trying to take advantage of, or use others, they might assume a complete hoodwinking success, that they have fooled another and that their ways are opaque to the deceived. Rarely does it occur that their moves are transparent. They do not imagine that they have been read, seen through and their shenanigans noted. Nor do they note the fall in opinion or respect held of them by the gullible mark.

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If someone is taking the piss by their behaviour it may not occur that someone is taking the piss back at them and in spades.

For example if someone asks me a stupid question, I reserve the right to respond in an equally stupid way. I don’t care about being right or winning an argument so I could feed you the opportunity to “win” to see if you take the bait. It is surprising how many do!

Once I have disengaged, I feel free to take the piss back. Depending on where you are coming from you may not notice.

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In my book if you are having a laugh or playing silly buggers then so can I. I generally have less “to prove” than most and don’t care if I look like a fool or a pikey yokel. I have no sophisticated image and I for defo am not a big cheese…

If someone is “havin a larf” there are a number of options open. One of these is to confront, another is to ignore. One can let things play to see how deep a shitter people like to dig for themselves. One can do a runner. One can do something completely and utterly unexpected.

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People don’t really know what is going on in someone else’s head no matter how clever and cunning they deem themselves to be. There is a tendency to overestimate one’s perspicacity.

Some have world views and world assimilations that are markedly different from from ours, from yours. Yes, yours.

Late night we watched a film “Den osynlige”

“ The Invisible (Swedish: Den osynlige) is a 2002 Swedish film directed by Joel Bergvall and Simon Sandquist, very loosely based on Mats Wahl’s book of the same name. The film follows Niklas, a young and quiet man who falls short of his mother’s expectations and then finds himself attacked by a neglected young girl Annelie (she too, is metaphorically invisible) and left for dead. The next morning, however, he discovers that no one can see, hear or feel him, and anything he does to try and communicate is reversed; he is in a Limbo-like state between life-and-death, and must find out his ‘murderer’ and save his body before it’s too late. The film stars Gustaf Skarsgård, Tuva Novotny and Thomas Hedengran in the leads.”

In that film Niklas whilst in limbo gets to see his “friends” and classmates talking about him behind his back when he lies dying in the woods. People are generally only loyal to those present, the absent are fair game. It is a good film and shows how the inflicted expectations of others can fuck you up. Most “social” beings do not understand how brutal, nasty and petty the wielding of that societal shoehorn is.

They carry on regardless like clowns repeating the same folly, over and over. They can even think it is funny!!

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They can however be badly mistaken… …

Coming Home to Roost Dream and Preparation 02-08-2025

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Last night in the twilight between sleep and wakefulness, in the cusp between here and yet to come, I had yet another coming home to roost “slide show”. In that, things come home to roost for some people whom I once had acquaintance of. I take no joy or glee from these happenstances, these scenarios, rather a tinge of sadness at folly and adamant folly to boot. For example if you falsify any official document there is a chance down the line that it could come back to bite you on the arse like a rabid chihuahua. If you succumb to temptation and allow the tendrils of evil to find purchase, they rarely let go and your relationship becomes symbiotic. Without knowing it you supply the food. Short of a full blown exorcism it is game over in terms of liberation for this lifetime. Nobody involved in such a symbiosis will ever believe or accept such a statement.

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Everything seems normal to them. Their playbook seems to work and they have success in the world and among peers. They can handle whatever mini-crises are sent to them. Or so they think.

The thing about karma is that it can be subtle. People who believe they are thoroughly entitled do not imagine that it exists. When something happens that is “bad luck” , “unfair” and not an effect which they have had a hand in causing. One day, perhaps in a lifetime to come, people get to have the penny drop whilst incarnated and they see with irrevocable clarity the outcomes and consequences of their actions, their emotionally charged bile and punitive vengeful thoughts. Theory has it there is a review at the time of death too. I witnessed bedside my father struggling with his. It was not pretty.

I have started mentally preparing for my operation and other commitments later in the year. It has become reasonably obvious in the twilight that I need to return to the A-U-M meditations and revisit Phowa practice just in case. I probably need to start doing more stretching exercises and work at building back some muscle in my legs and hips. At the end of the month I start a new birth-year, leading me further into my final pinnacle. Who knows what is in store aside from some hippie action in the operating block.

My understanding is that when people incarnate, they choose all the circumstances of their birth to enable them to learn from a “lesson plan” that might help them best evolve and work at karma. They made this plan themselves. For example I was born into a family in which the education mantra was strong. I was sent to boarding school in another country, education was more important than any close familial relationship. I subsequently ended up working  in “education” for a couple of decades. I planned this before birth.

In the birth lesson plan trajectories of whom you are “meant” to meet are bullet pointed. The possibilities exist. These individuals have the wherewithal through which you might learn. Human choice must be allowed. Thus it is possible to completely screw up the lesson plan which you yourself wrote. Literally miss the boat by miles. You can fuck up a life and badly so, through your own arrogance. The moot point is were you always destined to fuck up or did you simply act that way out of bloody-mindedness? Did you cut off your nose to spite your face or had you zero choice in the matter? In the grand scheme of things learning will inevitably ensue. But it may be many lifetimes later that such a great learning opportunity re-presents. People learn painfully yet effectively through loss.

It is the karma of snakes and ladders.

The thing about dreaming is that timing is never atomic-clock accurate. But when the dreams increase in frequency it does mean that the event is getting nearer in time, it will happen sooner. It also means that the likelihood or probability is increasing.

Dreaming by its very nature cannot be an exact science….

Myeloid Bone Biopsy – Charlie Chaplin Cars – Elephant – Blood Tests Dream 22-06-2025

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Here are last night’s dreaming segments.

The dream starts in a hospital operating theatre. There are people dressed in blue medical scrubs and with face masks and gloves on. On the screen is an X-ray like image of my right hip joint. They are using the apparatus to guide the placement of a long needle like structure into the ball of my femur and what remains of the gap between. I am awake and partially sat up. I am watching the procedure. A nurse is assisting the man doing the procedure others are monitoring vital signs.

He is saying to me that he is taking a tissue and bone sample for a Myeloid biopsy. The word is specific. They are going inside the bone to take this biopsy. It is important that they do this. This Myeloid sample will be sent off to the labs so that they can get a better understanding of what is going on. The scene is in colour and I can sense the cool air-conditioning in the “operating theatre”.

The scene changes and I am now in a black and white film in an urban setting. I am being chased by people driving black old school Charlie Chapin style cars. It is all very slapstick and the film being projected has a few flaws. The chase is semi frantic on the part of the pursuers. It is keystone cops and farcical. There is much skidding around corners. Although they are pursuing me, I am not interested. I am waiting for the results of my Myeloid biopsy. They will not leave me alone even though I am unwell. They are foolish.

The scene changes and, back in colour, I am at the edge of a field. Along the edge of the field is a fence. The other side of the field is a wood / jungle. The field has just been harvested. In the distance the gap between the wood and the field increases. I can see a small baby elephant. It is standing next to some saplings which are waist height to me. As I move towards him he moves, unhurried, off into the jungle. I arrive and there are two short rows of these saplings with green leaves. They are in a line and each row has several plants. I understand that these saplings are medicinal.

I am now on a Caribbean island; there is a sense of windward. The care home / hospital buts up against a white sandy bay and has a promenade. It is tropical. On one side to the left is the ocean and on the other a well-kept dark green lawn. There are water sprinklers going on the lawn. There are coconut palms. I am a little late for my appointment. I enter the building and there are two women dressed in starchy crisp 1950s style nurses uniforms with little hats. They woman on reception welcomes me very warmly. I am a regular and they like me, care for me. One tall nurse who is white welcomes me in a strong Jamaican patois. I respond in a like dialect only mine is play. She says that even though it is her lunch hour she will see me her “favourite” patient. She is teasing me playfully. She takes blood from the vein in my left elbow joint and from the artery on my right hand. She injects the arterial blood into a gas chromatograph. She says that even though I am something of a pin cushion these days she can always find a blood vessel. There is a sense that these blood tests are a very regular occurrence.

The dream ends.

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Notes:

Myeloid tissue, in the bone marrow sense of the word myeloid (myelo- + -oid), is tissue of bone marrow, of bone marrow cell lineage, or resembling bone marrow, and myelogenous tissue (myelo- + -genous) is any tissue of, or arising from, bone marrow; in these senses the terms are usually used synonymously, as for example with chronic myeloid/myelogenous leukemia.

Diametric Orientations to Life

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“Diametric Motivational Approach (DMA) combines four different reinforcements (social incentive, progress monitoring, immediate reward, and evaluating consequences) in order to reach the possible full potential of every learner. Its modest origin, scientific foundation, and prospective reach could explain its role in sustainable education.”

I found this excerpt doing a search for “diametric”. It is clear that this belongs to the realm, the world, of social conditioning. The statement only touches briefly on karma in “evaluating consequences”. I suspect that many would subscribe to the notions of motivations it portrays. They have a “what is in it for me” flavour. We could rephrase, “kudos, ambition – advancement, satiation of need / greed, effect or affect”. It is self-ish.

They are largely non Buddhist.

Phrased in a way that does not use “big” words and societal justification of how things should be there is an implicit subscription to the common view of how an “advancing” society might be. There are assumptions and expectations, which may or may not be general. They are to an extent society specific.

Many people want to “win” and “be right”, the notion of victory underpins much of “western” society. There are winners and losers.

If someone wants so very badly to win, they can have a very narrow egocentric perspective. They might adopt a win-at-all-cost mentality. The notion of karmic consequence may not enter their mind (or heart) for even a picosecond. They might imagine others to be similarly victory oriented and it may not occur that others cede to them because they can’t be arsed or they want to make them “happy”.

They may not imagine that someone else might think, “if they need to, let them experience the consequences of their actions upon the karmic potential hypersurface.” There may be no judgement simply a willingness to let the other person explore their own folly {or reasons}.

Winning can be diametrically opposed to letting people experience under some circumstances. One of these orientations has more clarity and less obsession. It might be argued that the more passive person is learning to experience what it means to be a loser. It depends upon the motivation. If one consciously steps back and lets the would be victor move forward, it is different from capitulation.

Aikido uses the force, the energy, of the aggressor and makes space for it to manifest. It can be turned back or simply let to pass by.

Most people do not expect an Aikido like orientation, itching for some level of confrontation as they may be.


Those who have victory may be entirely blind to the consequences of that victory both for themselves and others. They may be unable to see the karma caused by the manner of the victory and even if the consequences manifest, they will be unwilling or unable to see or accept the causal link. As a consequence, they are likely to repeat their folly.

I’ll speculate that many assume and expect that I have a similar motivation to them within the common view of the socially conditioned world. I’ll speculate further that it is impossible for me to persuade people to the contrary and that even if I demonstrated by my actions the truth of this difference, they would be unable to see, accept or appreciate this.

There are many different orientations to life and people can judge those who differ, who do not conform, harshly.

Believe it or not a “loser” can in the long run be the “victor”. That which is won is not material and not subject to rational metric. Loss of attachment is in one context victory. Obsession with attachment is to be the ultimate loser. Freedom is surrendered for trophy and kudos.

There is potential, power, beyond the material and societal. Most do not aim for this, which is a shame.

It takes all sorts…