Tag: FOMO

Social Discomfort – Social Anxiety Disorder

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

I think it fair to suggest that social discomfort is a pillar of comedy. We all find it funny if sometimes uncomfortable.

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The more uptight, pompous and status oriented one is the more likely one is to experience social discomfort. Heaven forbid that someone do something inconsistent with their social position, something gauche, something off trend. A pleb should kneel and kotow. They must know and accept their place.

At the Babraham Institute once, one Ph.D. student wrote in the feedback for a course that I gave, that it was unprofessional for me to say that my former employers, Imperial College, were a cold efficiency employer. They were not a hugs kisses and birthday cake bunch. He felt perhaps that I was slagging them off. Though many would have been happy to be called cool {cold} and efficient, competitive and perhaps ruthless. As a young man he had a lot to learn about reality and maybe his idealism would soon be tarnished.

Psychologists have a fundamental assumption, that people like to socialise and that they SHOULD do so. It underpins much psychological diagnoses according to my non-erudite and hence inexpert eye. It is clear to me that my unwillingness to play the social game has impacted on my career advancement. One could say that socialisation is a societal pre-requisite for promotion, a needed social skill.

On the DSM-5 social anxiety scale one is asked if one avoids social contacts, extensively prepares for them and self-medicates in order to face them, the so-called Dutch courage. It suggests that one is fearful of social situations. Maybe one simply does not like them and therefore avoids them {like the plague}. It is not uncommon for people to get pissed, smoke weed and snort Charlie in social situations.

Does that make them psychologically ill and diagnosable?

I’ll postulate.

Modern psychological wisdom is prejudiced against introverts and introversion. Such behaviours are seen as faulty and in need of fixing.

As usual it is the extroverts who dominate the “air time” or soap box.

In terms of the anxiety disorder, I meet the avoidance criteria but not the fear.

Is it bad not to want to surround yourself with gobshites arseholes and knobheads? To not share a finger buffet and talk endless shit with them?

Why not avoid something that you do not enjoy?

This kind of avoiding seem pretty darned sane to me.


In general I dial back on the boffinaciousness because it causes social discomfort and nobody likes a know-it-all. Which means that you often have to wait for people to catch up. I used to self-handicap with a lot of weed, which also enhances patience in all areas apart from munchies.

In France some are seemingly embarrassed to speak poor English, where no English are embarrassed with their appalling French. It is weird. Is it about control? There is social discomfort. They do not slow down {in French} and talk to you like a moron as is common {in English} in the UK. I sense a discomfort.

I went to see the zebra at the zoo.

I’ll postulate further.

Social discomfort and the fear thereof is very limiting and causes many problems. Things that need to be broached and discussed are avoided in case of social awkwardness occurring.

Fear of loss of face {FOLOF} is almost as big as fear of missing out {FOMO}.

Even though I am very introverted I have good interpersonal skills as a part of my chameleon toolkit. Strangely the most important social skill of all is being able to listen. It puts people at ease.

Is being uncomfortable with BS a clinically diagnostic malady? This is a social discomfort but not one of awkwardness of embarrassment, simply preference

Is there a DSM-5 criteria list for the Avoidance of Bull Shit Personality Disorder?

Do we need to train people to better accept tolerate and otherwise believe bull shit?

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Inside a Boomer and Assumptions

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

A while back when we were trying to sell our house the young estate agent commented that we had loads of DVDs just like his parents. They were umbilically connected to their devices. Their default was to use a search engine instead of think. As an old git I can comment that they had no inkling as to what may or may not be inside a boomer, what that essence may be.

Around 40 years ago at Durham University, during a conference on high resolution spectroscopy of van der Waals molecules, I gave my first oral presentation concerning the paper-worthy results from my first year experiments. It was a tad precocious to speak amongst all those professors dressed in my black ripped 501s with buckled suede Doctor Martens, a short spikey flat top haircut and a Smiths t-shirt.

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My moderate hangover had to be negotiated. I made no mistakes and the talk went well. Later that evening I was “chatted up” by various profs perhaps looking to recruit in due course. My punk “fuck you” attitude was reeled in.

To use the time honoured phrase, the youth of today have no idea what it was like back then. How protest and rebellion were a rite of passage. People do not expect residual punk attitude. I was soon to become an evangelical vegan at that time. Meat is murder!

Last night we watched a short documentary on the Smiths who provided a sound track to various aspects of life, including my mid-nineties depression. “Heaven knows I am miserable now…”

People make shed loads of assumptions; they always have and they always will. There is an expression that “assumptions are the mother of all cock-ups”. {and clusterfucks} I have extended the vernacular so that it is up to date.

Even when people know that making assumptions is foolhardy, it seems that they simply cannot resist making them and assuming their accuracy and applicability. Checking assumptions is for many an anathema. People will assume how others might behave, what they will do.

My mother when asked to come to my second wedding said that it was too far away and difficult for her to come. My assumption was that her assumption was that she would be cajoled into coming.  After sufficient cajoling she would yield as if she was doing us the greatest favour in the entire world. Instead, I said OK fine and left it at that. She may have been waiting for me to change my mind and start cajoling. I did not. The wedding went ahead without us having to cater to her insatiable drama queen tendencies.

Sometimes assumptions can backfire “biggly” to quote Herr Trump.

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One of the assumptions in our modern day is that everyone is contactable, that they have contact details and because of the fear of missing out, they will never be incommunicado. People are eternally at “beck and call”. When I say that I do not use ‘phones people do not believe me. They think I mean “much” but I don’t. My mobile has had two calls in six months both of them test calls by the wife. Someone once said to me, that if I had any questions, I could call them. He may have imagined that I might. I “filed” his card without even looking at it…In my mind we would never speak again.

I suspect that in a cross generational sense we do not understand nor appreciate the difference in essence. Even within a generation a beige or a plastic may not get a goth, a punk or an indie. As part rasta in orientation I may not subscribe to the 80s “Wolf of Wall Street”. When I sat in the board room at Fleming Family and Partners in Dover Street Mayfair to discuss million pound funding deals none of the suits knew where I was coming from, nor did they care overmuch.

It is funny your true colours are on the inside and not the outside.

The Proliferation of Syndromes and Deterioration in Mental Health

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

In my life time I have seen a marked proliferation in so-called mental health or developmental syndromes and those diagnosed therewith. They are quite trendy. Unsurprisingly the number of people qualified to make said diagnoses has also increased. There is a demand for diagnoses hence a growing supply of those qualified to diagnose. There is money in it, several grand per diagnosis.

Is this a real phenomenon or a market created one?

I heard the other day that some people were giving fluoxetine to pet dogs, FFS.

Anything which strays from the peer defined normal is at risk of being labelled a syndrome conferring fame upon the person who “discovered” it.

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We can lock up the weird and abnormal. Give ‘em loads of drugs and excuse them from the workplace in case they disturb the humdrum predictable mediocrity of petty power struggles and cock waving. Give them some unemployment benefits and teach them how to weave baskets and package wellness products that do not work but smell nice.

Is ADHD real or are people just bored fucking rigid with the way school is taught, controlled and examined?

Discuss…

I have tutored quite a few people diagnosed with ADHD, 1:1. I had no problem keeping their sharp attention for an hour or more. One just has to invent and teach better, to stimulate instead or bore.

I have a hypothesis. It says:

The apparent mental health crisis is simply tens of thousands of minds rejecting the way “normal” society is and the societal compulsion to conform therewith. It is not a mental health crisis rather an increasing failure of society.

It is not going to get better. There are no fairy godmothers.

The average, normal fearfully compliant people, don’t like this.

What percentage of people need to be treated for mental health “problems” until it is the so-called normal who are diagnosed as having a syndrome?

The human mundane-obligatory-compliance syndrome, FOMO for short. There are hordes who already suffer and can be diagnosed therewith. It is a social media pandemic.

There will come a time when those with so-called mental health problems are the majority. This will flip the entire notion of sanity, whether polite or otherwise.

I’ll wager that if I had to sit “A” level physics and chemistry as they are currently examined in the UK, I would not do well. I would get frustrated at the intransigence and tick box, mark by template mentality. I would not be happy having to adhere to verbatim parrot dogma.

I have an honours degree in chemistry and a Ph.D. in chemical physics.

I would probably join the Royal Marines instead of going to university if I was 18 now. I would certainly not have written ~60 science based publications.

People don’t like to face reality; they tend to prefer increasing the number of exceptions and justifying new extensions to rules and theories. They tend to keep ideas and notions, long after their sell by and use by dates.

If it does not fit, make it a syndrome, a special case, an exception. Write several theses about why it errs or strays from the norm. Refer to multiple other authors who are doing the same things. Make a career out of it…

But whatever you do, you must not question the societal norms… that is heresy.

Grizzly Adams – Twitter and LinkedIn

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

I have lived to a large extent in a vacuum of social interaction for a number of years. It was perhaps foretold by my like of “The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams”. As a teenager I really enjoyed the programme and the lifestyle idea, living in an isolated cabin in nature.  My extroverted parents kept bloody talking whilst I was watching the programmes and often commented about isolation leading inevitably to cabin fever. Although adjunct to society we do not really participate and cannot be said to be socially integrated. We are immersed in nature at the very edge of a village.

Because I have arthritis sooner or later, I will be unable to manage our 2 acres. So, I joined LinkedIn with a view to seeing if I could get some science editing work to help pay for assistance in the garden. That has not proved possible / easy. As a result of this LinkedIn exposure, I delved into the venture capital start-up world to which I once pertained a quarter century ago. It was interesting for me to track down people I did my first degree with and to see what they are / have been up to. When taking the integral over my life I have perhaps been among the least financially successful of all my peers. We live below minimum wage. This is not a usual outcome for a high technology start-up co-founder and an ex-academic from a world top ten university.

What I see is that the tendency to hype and spin has not gone. It has gotten worse. Many of my invitations to join my network have been ignored. People whose lives I helped change can’t be arsed with me anymore, my leper’s bell can be heard across continents, it seems. Some of these people are very “successful” now. I know that I have helped many people over the years. It seems they have forgotten or are embarrassed by me now. I am not resentful I have perhaps always given more that I have taken. It was never done transactionally.

By following the likes of people I knew, I have had exposure to a Jewish / Israeli perspective on some things. I found this interesting and had been unaware of some of the depth of feeling.

Obviously, LinkedIn has a sales / public relations purpose. It is not for deep spiritual insight. It could be said to be for people “on the make”.

Has anyone every studied if LinkedIn is worth the money time and effort? Or is LinkedIn yet another part of our modern FOMO addiction?

Twitter has some gems but it also has a lot of shite. There is darkness, hate and some light. I am amazed at how very polarised the world is now. I was trying to sum it up.

People it seems can be gullible, adamant and evangelical.

They may actually believe some of the stuff they soap box about. Conspiracy theories can be way out there. Deep thought and balance seems missing. OK not everyone likes Twitter/X or whatever. Not every “omniscient” being needs to spout off about their agenda. But it is a sample of our world today. I sense that the younger people are underrepresented. It does not fill me with optimism about where humanity is heading.

In a strange way I find both of these medias “intrusive” the world “out there” is somehow leaking in to they world here. The more I see they less I sense a belonging to that world. I don’t fit in, perhaps I never have.

My working hypothesis is that there is not really much more for me to do “out there”.  I am done, used up. I have had a dream recently suggesting that this self-image may be wrong and that my opinion of self needs a polish, a glow up. But true paths can and may be filled with emptiness as opposed to societal detritus.

It seems likely that in the upcoming weeks I will pull the plug on LinkedIn and now that my research on Twitter is nearly over, I will stop using that too.

I have one observation Twitter live feed is way better before the USA gets out of bed. Reiteration differs from fact. Boring.

The Waking Dream – Saṃsāra

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“Saṃsāra in Buddhism, states Jeff Wilson, is the “suffering-laden cycle of life, death, and rebirth, without beginning or end”. Also referred to as the wheel of existence (Bhavacakra), it is often mentioned in Buddhist texts with the term punarbhava (rebirth, re-becoming); the liberation from this cycle of existence, Nirvāṇa, is the foundation and the most important purpose of Buddhism.”

From Wikipedia.

If you are not aware that you are dreaming during nocturnal dreams, what chance do you have of being awake during the samsaric waking dream which people assume is the day to day socio-political reality?

It follows that in the limit a genuine dreaming practice has the goal, the purpose of liberation, Nirvāṇa.

The common socio-political mundane “reality” is a different assimilation of world from that of a being who has attained much of Buddhist philosophy. The mind of one of these follows the advice of the diamond sutra and is not anywhere near as gripping nor as adamant that the assimilated and evangelised version of reality is both factual and the only true reality. They would not kill anyone who has a different opinion.

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If you are awake in your night dreams you can wake up in the samsara day dream and see things for what they are. If you understand dissatisfaction {suffering} has a large mental component it is possible to not want to be reborn. Carnal rebirth requires a carnal re-death. If you are obsessed by the form, your meat, then you will desire another piece of meat. Letting go of obsession is a stepping stone toward liberation.

I’ll speculate that many people have had a conversation with me and been totally unaware of how differently I view the world from them.  People assume a commonality of socio-political interpretation. The world is encapsulated by the boundary conditions of should and ought.

In order to wake up in the samsaric day dream one needs to quieten the mind and to really know oneself and not simply at façade level.

A very common modern form of delusion is called fear of missing out, FOMO. It stems from group mind and wanting to be “in” on whatever it is that is going on. Not being up to date with gossip can risk social exclusion. Newspapers rely on juicy titbits to sell. But nobody has ever died from not knowing what Harry and Meghan have been whinging about today. If you are awake to this you will not waste your life worrying about them and the gigabytes of gossip generated.

Some of the things in nocturnal dreams are clearly not real, likewise many of the things in the samsaric daydream are not real. There are a lot of delusions which people advocate and defend. People tend to forget that image, self-image, is explicitly imaginary yet they work to prop it up and defend it, they can get psychologically ill because of image.

The basic truth is glamour is not real, simple reality is simple and unglamorous. Yet people spend vast sums on “glamorous” things and travel. They document it in vast energy ravenous server farms and destroy the planet to take selfies in famous glamorous places. People want to show off in ultrahigh definition gigapixel style.

They are asleep in the waking samsaric dream.

Being awake aware and lucid in nocturnal dreams aids waking up in the samsaric daydream/nightmare which we call modern 21st century living.

Circumstantial Evidence For Reincarnations In Dreaming

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I’ll speculate that the modern short attention span is inconsistent with developing depth of insight and profound, for want of a better word, spiritual, connectivity. If it can’t be done in a TikTok it is of no interest. Further if there is no app for it, it can’t be good. There is a tendency to conclude without investigation and pooh-pooh without research. The provenance of “they” as a font of wisdom is rarely questioned. Fear of missing out, FOMO, keeps people stuck in the hamster wheel.

Even when I was young, I tended to look into things in depth. Despite being a rugby player, I was also an avid book/library user. I think it accurate to say that I seek greater depth of knowledge than the majority of humanity. In order to form a complete pattern which my intuition is happy with I need quite a large amount of data and imagery.

In the post previous the putative reincarnation chronology is roughly Egyptian, Egyptian, Hindu Brahmin, Mexican South American(?), Persian, Indian Buddhist, Japanese Buddhist, Thai Buddhist, Christian Priest/crusader and my Sicilian life. There is a possibility of a more recent female birth. There are reasons why this may not be the case. One could call these dreams circumstantial evidence for reincarnation in dreaming.

There is a feeling that the Mexican life might be more recent. I had a bit of a thing about Teotihuacán which places it before my Japanese life. The reincarnations stretch back thousands of years. One could speculate that I am an old “soul”.

Were I still employed at a world top ten university as a science academic I would not talk in public about this kind of thing and it might even be contrary to the internet etiquette guidelines of my employment contract. It might raise the odd eyebrow or two. Luckily, I no longer need to get research grant income so my, within peer group reputation, is of no import. It is possible people would not want to be associated in public with a “whacko” like me. I could be a LinkedIn leper. Physical scientists are sceptical and conservative.

In addition to these dreams, I have had multiple déjà vu experiences concerning my Sicilian and Christian “lives”. There have been visions of myself as a Buddhist monk with om mane padme hum tattooed on my forearm in Sanskrit and a traumatic end to the crusader life, in full smell-o-vision. It has been indicated to me that this is my last incarnation here. That would make me a non-returner, anāgāmin.

I’ll speculate that no main stream psychologist or psychiatrist would be able to give a satisfactory explanation from within the common view of the world for these dreams in total (~250), especially when taken together or in themed groups.

On the basis of my personal experience reincarnation with partial life recall is the best-fit explanation but by no means intellectually conclusive. It is not proven.

A point of interest for me that while I have been revisiting these dreams, I have had something of a dream drought.

“Remembering one’s former abodes” (pubbe-nivāsanussati), causal memory, recalling one’s own past lives is one of the higher “powers” in the Pali Buddhist canon. It suggests that evolution is required for this to happen. It is not a common or garden thing. This is consistent with continuous evolution. The sense is for all but two of my “lives” I have been involved with the “priest hood”.

The new religion is perhaps science. So, one could argue that I was a priest at a science and technology university, in this incarnation too. I have lived like a “hermit” for over decade and meditated daily for two. I am perhaps more yogi than geek.

In order for anyone else to appreciate things effort would be required. In our hectic modern world taking the time to read through the dreams of a retired person, will be very low priority. It is perhaps only of interest to the wife and me.

It has been, for me, quite fun to re-examine my dream archive.

It is 29˚ C in the shade here so it is too hot to do any gardening…