Tag: mbti

The Introvert Switch Off

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

It is not uncommon for an introvert to remain silent when someone is talking AT them. They can wait until the other person stops talking eyeing the door just to get out of there. They have long since stopped listening to and processing whatever the other person is saying. All they hear is “blah, blah, blah” all they think is “how can I get out of here.” Very often the person with verbal diarrhoea may be completely unaware of the introvert switch off. They may even interpret the lack of argument as agreement and support. The person they are talking at has completely disengaged. The person talking may even imagine that they have had a good chat and an exchange of ideas. The introvert is looking to get the hell out of there and will probably avoid any future contact unless they absolutely have to. There has been a huge miscommunication.

On “First Dates” last night there was a classic example of introvert switch off and complete disengagement in a 1:1 dating scenario. People have got to seriously lack self-awareness and any hint of empathy to/for others if they fail to see an obvious switch off. They may continue to rabbit. They may be lost in their own little world, oblivious.

There may be social elements too. It seems to me that people like to discuss things in France. Some kind of discussion is anticipated and expected. I do not often need any form of discussion to come to my own conclusions or ideas. I tend to research. People used to discussion may anticipate someone talking over them in disagreement, which in my book is rude. They may expect an ebb and flow of conversation. When there is none, it can confuse.  In my case if I want to understand spoken French I have to concentrate. If for example the wife and I are talking with someone and they start to speak to the wife. I switch off because it is not for me, I do not have to engage with whatever it is that is being said. People may be unaware assuming that I am still participating in conversation when I have already opted out. They may assume they are talking with both of us, I have switched off.

I have recall of a large number of conversations mostly in English when someone has said something which is wrong and which I disagree with. I have not felt the urge to verbalise. There has been no “push back “ from me. I have no idea what the other person has made of it. It is not my problem. I have a few anecdotes when some have reported me saying something when I have said nothing. The mind can do weird things. The lack of negation may have been seen as affirmation. It wasn’t. I was bored and disengaged. I was hoping for the “conversation” to finish quickly.

I suspect that there are a quite a few introverts out there who recognise some of the above. There may be quite a few extroverts who are completely unaware of the introvert switch off. After all the sound of their voice is magnificent and the world benefits enormously from their erudite opining.

The Dreamers IN Time

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

In his series of books on the Toltec Teachings Théun Mares suggests a model for understanding human nature in which people have various preferences or predilections. These can offer interpretations on behavioural traits, strengths and weaknesses. They could be seen as similar to MBTI types, at a push. At the risk of sounding like the last air-bender, these traits might have the description of earth, air, water and fire. Which are pragmatic grounded, cerebral thoughtful, nurturing watering and passionate fiery.  These are the directions North, East, South and West. We might say that people have a penchant for verbal inquiry {talking} or dream like reflection. We have extrovert (s)talker and introverted dreamer. It is difficult to dream whilst you are busy talking. It is difficult to converse when you are away with the fairies.

There are five types “assigned” to each direction with one “wild card”.

In this schema there are various techniques one of these is dreaming. Logic suggest that dreaming does not pertain to the known as it resists ordering, it flows like water. You dream in something unknown. Fire is ephemeral and not as well understood, so this too is of the unknown, it is unpredictable. Earth and wind are more predictable; these are the relatively well understood or known. We might further assign matter to the North, time to the East, energy to the South and space to the West.

Please note this does not correlate with the physics understanding in common use. Feel the qualities inherent.

Time then is observing the process of life, what happens. Space is understanding the purpose of life, why stuff happens.

In this arrangement the people assigned to the West are called “the dreamers in space”, because purpose is a feeling not a reason. Those in the East are called “the stalkers in time” because reason comes with words and chronology, a time line, a sequence of events, it is more cerebral.

My primary predilection, some would say obsession, is with dreams. I am also introverted. So I would be assigned to the South {dreams, water} an introverted dreamer in the “place” of dreaming.

My secondary predilection is cerebral, logical, thinking, cause & effect reasoning. I am keen on timing and a bit anal about being on time. I have a predilection for the East and eastern philosophy

One could say that I am a dreamer IN time.

I am picking up what may be a shift in that the dreamers of mankind are becoming dreamers in time and less in space. This suggests that dreams are acquiring a more time-oriented manifestation. They are timed to events. There is a shift to the East.

There are more dreamers IN time…

Piss Up in a Brewery

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

—————

—————-

“Trompenaars’s model of national culture differences is a framework for cross-cultural communication applied to general business and management, developed by Fons Trompenaars and Charles Hampden-Turner. This involved a large-scale survey of 8,841 managers and organization employees from 43 countries.

This model of national culture differences has seven dimensions. There are five orientations covering the ways in which human beings deal with each other, one which deals with time, and one which deals with the environment.”

From Wikipedia.

———————

The last course, which was in design phase when I dumped it, was to address problems of cross cultural communication and the tensions inherent in it. I {we} have had plenty of instances of Franco -Britannic cultural differences. If one side imagines that the way they do things is right and dandy it can be very difficult to show to them other ways. They may get ultra-defensive and imagine themselves more highly organised and efficient than they actually are. One might have to learn new ways and adapt to the system in which one lives. These “growing pains” can cause premature baldness. One can be seen as pushy and not “sympa”.

There is a balance between nanny state control and last minute.com freeform. There is also a need to decide and stick to said decisions without continuous flexing. Making shit up on the fly can cause clusterfucks of considerable dimension. Preparation and planning prevent piss poor performance.

One of the things I never put on my CV as a bullet point was

  • Able to organise a piss up in a brewery.

It does not sound like an important life skill but it is. One of things that I am good at is organisation which needs contingency. Organisation should be, wherever possible, simple and clear. The person who has oversight needs to be updated and exercise that over sight. Although not my natural team role I have ended up being Monitor Evaluator on a number of occasions to keep things on track. Slippage is a real problem.

Trompenaars and Hampden-Turner identify France as a diffuse culture in which so-called responsibility is spread out and it is not clear who has oversight or indeed if there is any. Process has been developed and used but rarely questioned and updated. Demain, quinze jours, are not as bad as the Jamaican “soon come”. But time is vague like many other things.

As a INFJ timing is important to me and sticking to what you say about time is vital. I can’t help it but people running late irks. I have literally thought while waiting, “shall I just go home, fuck it!”

I am anticipating a hip-replacement operation. It is down to us to organise a pulmonary and cardiovascular screening before a meeting with the anaesthetics geezer / geezer-ess. We have to order and provide crutches and compression stockings. We have to organise full blood tests including blood typing. The surgeon will have blocked out a space in his diary. No bugger has yet done an assessment if it is safe for me to return home. There is a quasi-magical assumption that everything will fall into place. A couple of cardiology outfits have suggested a screen a week before the operation!! Really?

If there is a problem and the operation needs cancelled there is no lead in time and the slot will have to be abandoned. This kind of “planning” makes me nervous. It lacks foresight. It may be the way things have always been done but that is not good logic.

The possibility for fuckwittery is huge and the probability of things which are time critical going wrong, high.

In the UK no civilian would be given responsibility for collecting very expensive granulocyte-colony stimulating factor from the pharmacist and giving it to a district nurse for injection prior to a harvesting of stem cells. The factor is temperature sensitive. To trust this kind of thing to joe public is in my opinion unwise. The key thing could go very badly wrong and everything need re-scheduling. Do normal people really understand temperature dependent reaction kinetics?

“But that is the way we do things….”

The feeling that I {we} have to be on this is an unnecessary added stress.

Am I a control junky?

Am I sane?

Will this aid my post operative recovery?

Should I just go with the flow in this case?

In my view professional organisational oversight might be a better approach. I could tip up at hospital and have a whole day of tests done a couple of months out. The go / no go question would be answered and, if needed, some interim medical adjustments made ahead of time. Rather than a week before finding out some kind of unknown heart anomaly.

I understand that the summer is in the way and that everything stops for summer. Unfortunately this is not in my cultural DNA.

A bit edgy…

Clearly, I Am the Problem – Neurodivergence

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

Over the years I have encountered many reactive and defensive behaviours in my interactions with people, mostly men. It seems to me that I do not do the ritual arse sniffing in the way they expect. Nor do I play the laddish itchy back game with enough ego stroking. The worse reactions are from men around 40. By the time they get to 60 they are past most of the BS. I do not piss up the wall of the urinal in the correct manner, apparently.

Clearly, given that I am the only common factor in all this, I am THE problem.

Chris Packham has been doing a TV series on neurodiversity in which he gets people who are diagnosed with various syndromes to do a short film to portray their experiences to their nearest and dearest. Most of the “weirdos” seem interesting to me and fairly high functioning. They are not boring.

The gist is that many feel/felt stress trying to fit and comply with the harsh societal expectations.

–

–

No matter how hard they tried they did not fit well and the “diagnoses” gave them a handy explanation for why. It brought relief and sense-making.

My own experience working with the diagnosed is that the worse thing “normal” people can express towards them is impatience and huff. If people are impatient, it causes fear and upset. It leads to internalisation and makes any attempt at expression far worse and more dreaded. Impatience could be said to be an enemy of neurodiverse inclusion. Impatience is the start of a far from virtuous circle.

“You should not be like that. It ought to be easy. Huff!!”

This is the foundation stone of cruelty directed at the different and the stick used to marginalise them. May be they/we are not the problem. Maybe it is the self-righteous and self-important “normal” people. These people who are highly impatient and immediacy fixated.

I know by experimental measurement that I am not neurotypical. I have measured my brain waves using a fast Fourier transform electroencephalograph. Mine differ in that there is way lower neuronal activity which I can also further silence.

It would be impossible to convey my state of mind in a film. Because “normal” people cannot handle neuro-silence and their internal dialogue would start to chatter. If you cannot be quiet mentally you simply cannot get it.

Felix, the stray cat, is unwell. We think we are in the palliative care regime. When I go to feed him and Gandalf, he gets under my feet and rubs himself against my legs. I have to pick him up gently with my foot and “throw” him out of the way. He thinks this is an ace game. Because of my arthritis I am not steady on my legs and stopping and starting is difficult. One day I may stand on him in a painful way.

There is no way that I can explain to Felix that if he is hungry the best thing to do is to get out of my way. Food would arrive quicker and with no less certainty.

It is very difficult to convey how and in what way one might differ. It has to be experienced personally to be fully grasped. All the rest is extrapolation or intellectualisation.

Upcoming I am going to be looking to have my hips surgically replaced. Already I am thinking about how I might behave so as not to get a strange reaction from the surgeon. I will not fit his mental models and there will be a disconnect. Yet I have need of surgery.

How much will I have to act and conceal and hide so as not to be THE problem?

How much will I have to reel myself in?

Seeing Things Differently

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

Recently I was talking with someone who suggested that an in-patient group oriented intensive physiotherapy regime postoperative for hip arthroplasty was a good idea / French practice. He was, to understate, more extroverted than I. The idea of being around loads of people “helping” me to recuperate via conviviality just does not work for me. It would be close to torture, feeling unwell and having to interact in a foreign language on a regular basis, with others. No thanks.

This sounds like a showstopper to me. In my mentality I would delay or not proceed at all.

Maybe I am ungrateful or maybe I know myself well.

It is clear in this simple example how we see things differently.

“Jack Sprat he ate no fat; his wife she ate no lean.”

What works for one person does not work for others. According to all the common metrics I am socially isolated. Some might imagine that I need help. Poor Alan.

–

–

They may even imagine that they know what is best for me. Because as every newspaper vendor knows it is always the antisocial loner, who is not well liked, that becomes the heinous murderer. Helping the socially excluded is an anti-murder prophylactic measure, which makes sound societal sense.

Unlike most people I don’t care what the ‘phone companies do with my data, because I don’t generate any. I am not in any target marketing demographic. Daytime TV however is full of adverts aimed at the likes of me. I’ll get my SAGA loyalty card soon, to use until my pre-paid cremation plan kicks in.

The problem with seeing things differently is that it is nigh on impossible to explain or otherwise convey that difference to others, specifically the scale thereof.

I look relatively normal. I can speak “normal” for a short while. But I know from experience that the way I assimilate the world differs radically from others. I am not prone to influencers, whatever they are. I do not swallow hook line and sinker what I might read in the news of whichever flavour / prejudice. As an outsider, I need help to rejoin the fold, the group lunacy. Bless…

–

–

Most people suffer from worry and catastrophising. I can have brutal clarity without dramatic catastrophic thinking. I can envision futures and remain calm.

It is impossible to communicate the lack of ambition / goal to anyone who is beholden to theirs. I am happy to make unilateral decisions based on available information even when I know that information is incomplete.

Once you have attained impermanence, you change as does your orientation towards life.

“This too, shall pass”, is more than just a saying.

People in general have a need to “do” something. There is a need of immediacy. A desire, an urge, to get things “sorted”. I have learned that some things simply cannot be sorted. Some have to be endured. Some need let go of. Some need to calm in emotional temperature and thence to fade away.

It is economical not to intrude, to inflict oneself upon or otherwise interfere in the lives of others. This is a form of harmlessness.

A passive approach of response when needed tends to calm. Though it can also infuriate, humans being as they are.

It is impossible to please everyone.

I see apertures in the web of life, during which things may be possible. When I see them closing, I know that the possibility and probability of things happening drops. Until finally what once might have been possible, no longer is.

One of the aspects of impermanence is the notion of timeliness. Timeliness has a time limit. If things do not occur when they may or might, they do not and cannot. The moment has passed. The “permanent” possibility or opportunity is gone.

Impermanence teaches that complacency is unwise. It is a non-nihilistic implication which many fail to see. There is only a discrete aperture in spacetime for things to occur…

You have only my word for it, that I imagine that I see things differently from others…

I could be talking BS…

You decide…..

Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson Dreams 03-02-2025

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

Here is last night’s sequence of dreams. I made no attempt to rejoin the dreams on waking but this is kind of what happened. I awoke multiple times and can think of no obvious reason, this side of the channel, why BoJo should pop up.

The first part starts on a beach which has sand dunes behind it. There are a number of people on the beach and the weather is clement though not hot and sunny. I hear some vehicles pull up and some shouting. Men darkly clothed and armed with Kalashnikov assault rifles are charging the beach firing. I shout to everyone to get into the sea and swim as far out as they can. Bullets are ripping into the water as we get further out to sea. I can see dead on the beach and blood in the sea.

There is a strong tide forcing us up the length of the beach. I encounter Boris who has been swimming there. We are being forced towards a rocky part at the end of the beach. There is no way around the headland, and we are forced to land one the beach. I say to Boris that he must resist the temptation to say who he is and to try not to give the terrorists a piece of his mind. There is an off chance that they won’t recognise him, and we should save that for later should we need it.

I wake up

The next section starts in an underground cave. We are clearly in a hostage situation. The cave is equipped with computers, cameras and much media kit. The terrorists are partially masked and clearly highly organised. The hostages me included are now dressed. Boris and I are at the back of one cave with two young boys. I have suggested to Boris that he keeps a low profile and minimise the risk of being recognised. The terrorists have installed a huge TV, and we can see that there is a media circus on the dunes. There are multiple religious groups amongst the hostages, and we are international.

Boris starts to chat with the young boys. One of them says that he can see daylight coming into the tunnel. Boris suggests that he quietly investigates. Which he does. There is a gap. Something kicks off in the main terrorist room. Sending the boys first we attempt to leave the tunnel. Boris manages to bash his head and although a little dazed we make it out into the sunlight.

I awake.

I am now walking with Boris towards a semi-ruined church. I know that inside there are Buddhists keeping vigil for those held in the hostage taking. Unusually these Buddhists are wearing grey robes and are mostly Western. I knock on the church door and am welcomed in by a Buddhist “priest”. I explain what has happened and who Boris is. The man sits Boris down and tends to a slight wound on his head with some cotton wool and water. The atmosphere in the church is calm and tranquil.

The priest asks Boris for a number to call for people to come and get him. Boris takes the ‘phone and calls for help.

I awake.

I am now sitting in a room with Boris and Carrie. I explain to Boris that, he is like me, a Wood Dragon by birth and that we are contemporaries. I say that if he really wanted to be world king, he should have stuck with Alexander which is more regal than Boris. I ask him if there are any umlauts in the spelling of his name because I may do his numerology.

I say that he is a lot fitter than me. He says that downstairs in a bottle is some fat which he has had sucked out of his body and that accounts for it. I know he is joking. I explain that although we both can see bigger pictures, he as an ENTP is very different from me as an INFJ.

I awake again and wonder what the bloody hell has Johnson been doing to be in and out of my dreams all night.

The Problem with Introverts…

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

I’ll kick this off with a joke I used to use on my MBTI courses which I gave.

–

An Introvert Joke

It’s a rainy day. The reception teacher is getting the kids ready to go home. She struggles for 5 minutes with one child’s boots, tugging them on and getting them laced up.

Just as she’s finished, the I child says, “those aren’t my boots”. The teacher sighs and spends another few minutes undoing them and taking them off.

Just as she’s finished, the child adds, “They’re my brother’s. My mum said I had to wear them today.”

–

In the MBTI context I have an INFJ preference. I score very high for introversion and judging but my intuition {N} score is close to the maximum available. That intuition is introverted so largely unseen. That means I have a highly organised orientation which is strictly timed with big picture thinking. If people are late and chaotic I can get unsettled / peeved. People see my warm caring feeling F side but I can easily flip to the more logical T side.

For years I acted out ENTJ because I thought that was what blokes were meant to be.

Over the years many people have expressed an opinion about what I am like, who I am, what I am capable off, what my predilections are. They may have expected some kind of response. Rarely did they get one. I am not keen on arguing the toss. It is a stupid waste of time. Some people learn by testing their ideas out in conversation and may expect a push back. Why should I do their work for them? As an introvert I very rarely offer up information or opinion. If I do it will be in a tiny stepwise manner. If things are joined up in my inner world, I have no need to express it. Viewed from one angle few if any get to see what might be called “me”. One could be mysterious and say that I am like an iceberg with hidden depths and not a lettuce like Liz.

I have noted that if you don’t agree or disagree with what someone says they imagine it to be correct, perhaps more correct than it actually is. I could be wrong in this but my intuition can be very reliable. It is not my problem if they have the wrong end of the stick.

People who are fond of bullshitting whether mutual or otherwise, can feel uncomfortable because I don’t play the BS / hype / exaggerate / big up game. Women are less prone to this discomfort than men. Who seem to need ritual sniffing and metaphorical at urinal wall pissing contests. In any case I now have an enlarged prostate. I can be very deadpan and uninterested. There is no uncomfortable silence for me.

It is funny in doctor’s waiting rooms. I do not arse about on my ‘phone, I do not read the magazines and never break the silence in an attempt to have a chat. Someone often breaks. They try to engage. Here I can apologize and explain that I do not speak French well. This nearly always restores the silence. Many are uncomfortable without noise.

In one particular framework my predilection is for dreaming and not (s)talking and I am “in” the place of power and dreaming, the South. I have met a number of people who give courses on dreaming and lucid dreaming in particular. Each of these has been by predilection a (s)talker. Which roughly maps with extroversion. They like techniques like waking in the middle of the night, working with apps and finding their hands to prove that they are in a lucid dream. They interrupt the dream to direct it. In one sense they have talked at an experienced dreamer. They were used to being seen as the expert.

It is possible that they could have learned vast amounts about dreaming from me. But the biggest hindrance to dreaming is talking. They will never know what might have been because I felt no need to big myself up or compare dreaming cock size. I did not need to name drop and show how “in” I was with the dreaming community.

The problem with introverts is that if you talk at them. They will stay schtum and say little or nothing. If you ask, they might just respond, depending on wind direction and the phase of the moon.

It is even worse in my case because I have no need to play the itchy back game because I am no longer in that world. There is currently no need for me to join in…

Talking – Effective Personality Disorder – INFJ Dream 27-11-2024

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

This dream is from between 3 and 5 AM this morning. This is out of the blue.

The dream starts in the front room of my old house in Brixton. I am initially sitting on the coir carpet. It then shifts to a meeting room with psychological professionals discussing a case. I am to assist. One turns to the others and says about me, “I know that he is not a qualified professional, but he has an uncanny knack of putting people at their ease and getting them to talk freely. He is utterly nonjudgmental and very empathic.”

The scene changes and I am in a single bedded hospital ward. On the bed dressed in a hospital gown is a young man with wavy blonde hair which needs a trim. I say, “hi” and he replies. I go over and sit on the bed. I introduce myself. Implicit is that he has just survived a suicide attempt and is recovering. He is in a bad way. I ask how he is and what medication they had already tried. He says, “Xanax but it did not work very well!” I ask if they have a tentative diagnosis and he says, “effective personality disorder.” I already knew this in the dream.

The next day the staff wheel his bed down to the swimming pool. They are using water to help him walk again. I am dressed in my speedo swimming trunks. I lift him off the bed in my arms and walk into the water until such time that he can float. I let him float off my arms. He is smiling and very happy. We walk a few widths of the pool in the water and then I help him out of the pool. The healthcare assistants dry him and help him change into a new gown. I lift him back onto the bed.

The next day the scene is repeated but I also help him to swim a few lengths of breaststroke.

He asks me how I can make him relax. I say that we INFJs have tremendous and sometimes painful depths of empathy. We can feel the suffering of other beings and sometimes tune into it. We want that suffering to cease.

Dream ends.

A passing thought after the dream was, “is this pointing at helping others again”. A while back I started the process of joining Samaritans but was unsure of the other people seeking to join

Dreaming and Intuition are they linked?

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

In terms of MBTI, I have a clear INFJ preference. I have very high scores for N intuition and J judging. This means that I am a bit of time freak, I like to be early and get things done well before any deadline. It has come as a shock to some that I am very introverted.

My dominant function is introverted intuition, which means that few get to see what goes on internally. Occasionally people are very surprised at what pops out. I have some skill in envisioning, so called big picture thinking, but pictures are generally 2d so that description is limited.

Intuition comes in various degrees from knowing the next number in a number sequence puzzle to having a profound insight into the psyche or soul of others based on little “evidence”. The first case of intuition here is an extension of logic. The second is an unexplainable knowing.

 Intuition can be re-written inner-tuition.

Where a kind of learning happens as if by magic. If I cannot solve a problem, I leave it to my background processors intentionally and then a few days later a solution or a new way of thinking comes into mind, ta-da!

Dreaming, passive dreaming at night, does not come from outside. So, we could call this internal process, intuition, particularly if insights arrive in a dream. Dreaming is a subset of intuition.  

I personally trust my intuition and dreams more than what is said in overt and verbal conversation or even text. If there is divergence, I trust my inner-tuition over what is presented or spun. Being introverted I don’t let on.

In esoteric psychology some dreams can be termed “dramatizations of the soul” in which the soul is trying to assist the mundane being. You can’t get more inner inner-tuition than that.

Statistically INFJ is the least common personality type. If you know one hundred people then only one of them is INFJ. {Of course, INFJs cluster in certain professions}. Many of us report problems fitting in with society and the square peg in a round hole is a depiction of the INFJ. There are lots of different visualisations of INFJ because INFJs often like metaphor and allegory.

Because INFJs are interested in things like psychology, then it follows that many may have an interest in passive nocturnal and active lucid dreaming.

Some dreams are internal dialogue and daily angst carried into sleep. I’ll suggest that at certain depths dreaming is a form of inner-tuition or intuition. There are similarities to heightened meditative states and conscious nocturnal dreaming.

The trick is learning how to remember your dreams and transfer them into the so-called waking “reality” of life quotidian.

–

–