Tag: Miscommunication

The Introvert Switch Off

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

It is not uncommon for an introvert to remain silent when someone is talking AT them. They can wait until the other person stops talking eyeing the door just to get out of there. They have long since stopped listening to and processing whatever the other person is saying. All they hear is “blah, blah, blah” all they think is “how can I get out of here.” Very often the person with verbal diarrhoea may be completely unaware of the introvert switch off. They may even interpret the lack of argument as agreement and support. The person they are talking at has completely disengaged. The person talking may even imagine that they have had a good chat and an exchange of ideas. The introvert is looking to get the hell out of there and will probably avoid any future contact unless they absolutely have to. There has been a huge miscommunication.

On “First Dates” last night there was a classic example of introvert switch off and complete disengagement in a 1:1 dating scenario. People have got to seriously lack self-awareness and any hint of empathy to/for others if they fail to see an obvious switch off. They may continue to rabbit. They may be lost in their own little world, oblivious.

There may be social elements too. It seems to me that people like to discuss things in France. Some kind of discussion is anticipated and expected. I do not often need any form of discussion to come to my own conclusions or ideas. I tend to research. People used to discussion may anticipate someone talking over them in disagreement, which in my book is rude. They may expect an ebb and flow of conversation. When there is none, it can confuse.  In my case if I want to understand spoken French I have to concentrate. If for example the wife and I are talking with someone and they start to speak to the wife. I switch off because it is not for me, I do not have to engage with whatever it is that is being said. People may be unaware assuming that I am still participating in conversation when I have already opted out. They may assume they are talking with both of us, I have switched off.

I have recall of a large number of conversations mostly in English when someone has said something which is wrong and which I disagree with. I have not felt the urge to verbalise. There has been no “push back “ from me. I have no idea what the other person has made of it. It is not my problem. I have a few anecdotes when some have reported me saying something when I have said nothing. The mind can do weird things. The lack of negation may have been seen as affirmation. It wasn’t. I was bored and disengaged. I was hoping for the “conversation” to finish quickly.

I suspect that there are a quite a few introverts out there who recognise some of the above. There may be quite a few extroverts who are completely unaware of the introvert switch off. After all the sound of their voice is magnificent and the world benefits enormously from their erudite opining.

Taking Stock – Massive Disconnect

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

It is one of those things. If two people are interacting and one thinks they are miscommunicating and the other does not, who is accurate? Many assume that they are communicating better than they actually are. People can be oblivious when miscommunication occurs.

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The observable evidence of the “we are above the law” thinking from the USA has just been drilled deep into concrete bunkers in Iran.

“We don’t like the bastards, we can kill their asses as and when. Deals, treaties, international law are only pieces of paper after all!! We have the God given right!! {And the B2 bombers}.”

So now it is overt {again}. It is unclear as to how things go from here. Maybe the global least harm is a petering out.

I am not filled with joy at the prospects of peace and goodwill for all.

I have been noting of late a complete disconnect between how I am and think and, others. Today the orthopaedic surgeon suggested I look at what I might want to do and to use this as a guide as to the when of facing the knife. In my mind I simply adjust to that which I am able to do. I do not get upset and frustrated if I cannot jog round the block or walk 10km. The suggestion washed over me. Why would I even bother to think like that?

This disconnect is even more obvious when watching 24 hours in A&E on the TV. I hear people talking to camera saying that they could not survive without so and so, expressing their catastrophising on hearing that their loved on has gone to A&E, thinking the worst.

Why not simply make your way there and find out what the best guess scenario is from the doctor? What benefit is there in catastrophising?

Clearly, I am weird by comparison.

One could argue that I am indulging in medicine, with all these scans, check-ups and blood tests. I don’t think that any of them are urgent or life critical. I have already accepted that I have pre-cancerous prostate cancer. It seems to me a matter of when not if. The PSA value is going up…

I am due an arse-cancer chimney sweep soon. After that there is a five year holiday for “good behaviour”. It is probably worth getting that done.

Way back in the nineties when they were investigating my polycythaemia, I was a regular visitor to the phlebotomy centre. It being St Thomas’ there were a few Jamaican nurses, some of whom were a good laugh.  I would get bled. They would check my haemoglobin on a regular basis. If my addled memory is correct the results of phlebotomy were to enhance my haemoglobin count over a few months. We ended up dropping it, the bleeding, I was asymptomatic and perhaps the medical student had finished their research project.

In terms of all the tests none of them will change the reality, they may alter the apparent awareness of reality. That is about it. Maybe it is simplest just to drop them all, to let things be. If I don’t drive it, it will fizzle out.

We come back to the whole pain question. I have no idea how others experience pain, nor whether or not I have a high pain threshold. I suspect that I am not at the overly sensitive end.

I can tolerate things without moaning. I am not overly prone to whinging. We could park the idea of hip surgery and revisit it in a years’ time.

Maybe I just need to wait and see what transpires…

It is a very strange disconnect when people imagine some kind of ambition or want. They transfer it on to me. They think I am somehow like them. They expect this. It is impossible to explain how I feel to others, nor begin to convey the difference in wiring, orientation and motivation.

It comes back to this feeling. I make people uncomfortable by interacting therefore it is perhaps better that I do not. I observe this discomfort. I don’t have to inflict myself.

Hmnn…

Messaging Assumption and Miscommunication

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Postulate.

The human ability to get entirely the wrong of the stick is close to infinite.

Herein lies the mystery of perception, bias and multiple failures in communication both as a purveyor and acceptor. People may not be aware that they are, whether consciously or not, sending messages which others are receiving and perceiving and assimilating.

I suspect that because I am largely silent and can be not expressive, people tend to imagine that I am judging and being critical. They may expect some verbal response / discussion / mutual bullshitting when talking and when none is forthcoming, they can get unnerved. The feedback mechanism is missing. They expect chit-chat. In the absence they can confer multiple meanings which simply are not there.

People can read all sorts of shit into things. They may imagine I am sending a message when I am not. People might read this blog and imagine that I am messaging them directly.

The likelihood of miscommunication in the context of different cultures and frames of refence is enhanced. People may imagine that their customs are transferable. The French attitude of laissez-faire can be interpreted as complete indifference, fence sitting and not giving a shit, disinterest. It can be read, “that person can’t be arsed, sod ’em, they are not serious. Let’s move on to someone who has a point of view or opinion.”

In trying not to impinge a different message can be received. “Waste of time.”

I’ll assume with a high confidence integral that many people have made hugely erroneous assumptions over the years as to my motivations, what I am thinking and where I am coming from. This {my} assumption is based upon my interpretations of their behaviours and could be invalid. There may be transference of their ways of thinking and prejudices onto me.

There are certain types of people who like to argue the toss and “win” arguments / debates. They like to “score” points.

If someone like this expresses a point of view and one does not counter it, remaining silent even. They can assume agreement and/or victory. The lucky recipient of opinion may disagree totally but cannot be arsed to verbalise. Agreement can be assumed and the illusion of being right /accurate taken from the non-intervention.

Many introverts cannot be bothered to do the thinking for gobby extroverts. It is not important to them nor is share of air time or limelight kudos. The introverts can be disinterested in interaction.

I am reasonably confident that I have by accident, thrown a spanner into the works, with my interactions with the French medical profession. I have not behaved in the manner to which they are accustomed and they have not had the skill or experience to handle it. There has a result been extensive miscommunication and they have made assumptions about what might transpire, what I understand and how I perceive them. It can be very hierarchical. Most medics have not interacted as I have. My need to chat and discuss is vanishingly small when viewed from the angle of French customs. If I want to find out my first port of call is research which I will do thoroughly.

Once miscommunication has gone beyond a certain point the situation becomes very difficult if not impossible to salvage. This is because face and pride have now come into play and dominate, often unilaterally, subsequent interpersonal dynamics.

Postulate

The human notion of face and implicit loss of face is one of the most expensive bits of human folly in terms of relationships and loss of human life.

Face in this context is illusion, a socio-political construct which sells gossip magazines, tabloid newspapers and underpins the scripts of television soap operas.

“Face” lies aback assumption and miscommunication. People get offended, an emotional overaction, if things do not comply with assumption and social expectation. People can assume that the {their} worldview is common and that everyone holds similar prejudices to them.

Once people have gotten hold of the wrong end of the stick the tendency is to grasp this ever more tightly. Mis-perceptions and mis-assimilations of reality are more concrete and fixed than one might imagine.

There is no better demonstration of miscommunication than the game of “Chinese whispers”. Yet surprisingly, given this knowledge, the faceless and ubiquitous “they” are somehow the font of all truth and knowledge….

There is not a lot you can do or say which is contrary to the omniscience of “they”. No matter how well you communicate it, it cannot be perceived accurately because “they” dogmatically forbid it.

The wrong end of the stick beckons with the gravitational pull of a supermassive black hole…

Miscommunication – Woke – Big Cheeses – Walking Away Dream -17-07-2024.

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

This dream is in two parts.

I am with prof. AR, we are setting up an event for young people, Ph.D. students and post docs. We are in a seminar room. I am going to give a presentation. I turn on my lap top and cannot find the PowerPoint document. It is on my other laptop. Prof. AR thinks she might have a copy on hers. We set up a projector and her media guy connects the lap top and the projector. It takes ages to get set up. When the file opens it is not my presentation. I gesticulate by a finger across the throat to cut. Which he does.

I turn to the audience and say, “It is clear that one needs to make sure one has the presentation. Step one.”

Everyone laughs.

I explain that because of where I find myself, I cannot detrimentally affect my career, because I no longer have one. The only way I can affect my career irrespective, is positively.

I ask them, “In this day and age, is it still ok to have ambition? Because they have their careers ahead of them, what do they need to do to push on?”

Someone in the audience says, “you can’t speak to us like that, it is old fashioned dinosaur speak.”

“Why not”, I reply “It is your future not mine?”

“It is not right; it is insensitive and wrong for our generation!”

I turn my back and simply walk out of the room without speaking. The room is silent because this is so unexpected.

The scene changes and I am at a very big academic conference. There are many big cheese scientists there. I am in the foyer looking for my book. I can’t find it. Weirdly I am due to speak at the conference dinner. I need some excerpts from my book. I can’t find it.

I go into the conference dinner it is plush and expensive.

I am sat on one of the side tables.

It is my turn to speak on ways of thinking. That thinking needs to be synthetic and joined up as opposed to divisive and separative.  I walk over to top table where there is a big cheese prof. who I do not recognise.

I argue with him that black and white thinking is archaic and that there needs to be many shades of grey and nuance in the debate.

He gets agitated and combative.

I turn my back and slowly walk out of the room. You could hear a pin drop.

Dream ends,