poverty – Dreamyoga

Some people may think me a bit of a bastard. Well that may be true.

Tracing back along the maternal grandfather line to the village punished by the English for harbouring the fugitive Owain Glyndŵr I have come to the end of the electronic trail.

My great-great-great grandmother Catherine got knocked up as a teenager and was sent away into service {there’s shame on her mind } to a house just North of Harlech. Ten years later she was back home with my great-great-great-great grandmother Dorothy down as pauper and then washerwoman at Pen-y-bont. Catherine had three more illegitimate children over the years. Catherine’s son my great-great grandfather was initially down as a Hughes. With my great-great-great-great grandmother down as mother at age 47…

No doubt the likes of:

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John Hughes 1813-1878 Hen Gapel Nant Gwynant a Oerddwr uchaf

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Might not have approved of Catherine. I don’t think he is a direct bloodline relative but he looks dour and fire and brimstone.

Imagine a Welsh preacher’s accent…

“You shall burn in the fire pits of hell for your lustful and dire sinful transgressions!!!”

My great-great grandfather stayed with Dorothy until he got married. Suddenly in 1871 she was living in a more posh house and he had converted to Jones.

Later Catherine was found living as a widow, though she never married, with a John P Jones {head of family} and her fourth child. She is down as sister to John which may have eased the gossip in Ffestiniog.

I suspect that he was the knocker-upper and hence my great-great-great grandfather…

In 1827 Dorothy may have married Hugh at Llanfihangel y Pennant. She was already a widow in 1841.

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Should I wish to research further I need to visit this isolated church north of Dolbenmaen. The roads here are poor and single track.

The trail ends here. There is an impasse.

In 2007 I looked into taking over the lease of an outdoor centre then owned by Hillingdon Council in order to run an outdoor training centre and place of retreat. The lease was encumbered by various Lottery grant rules and was a nightmare. I suspect the rules have lasped.

It has since been bought and refurbished as Brynkir Coach House

Click here

Back then I met the land owner also a Jones in Beddgelert. He was clearly a big cheese. Jones’s family had sold a part of Snowdon to the National Trust. He was maybe a distant relative

Brynkir, known as Cwm Pennant is just down the valley from Llanfihangel y Pennant.

Maybe one day I’ll swing by the church and ask to look at the register of births, marriages and deaths… I can look at the graves. They were probably too poor to trouble the monumental mason

The trail ends here.

I have a working narrative that is self-consistent now.

Here is last night’s dream. It follows on from yesterday. I have been unable to recall all the detail partially because I am not interested or inclined so to do. It is boring that this mess theme keeps coming back. I have made a note.

I am in a large old style house which has been converted into flats. I am in a flat which has a passing similarity to the one I had in Brixton. James is there with me in the kitchen and we are talking about his huge mess. There is a ring on the doorbell and Ashley is there with Camilla, they have been on a date despite the fact that Ashley is still married. They want to come in. It is raining very heavily outside. Everyone except me is highly emotional, charged.

I want to know why they have been on a date and it has to do with mess, the tremendous mess they caused concerning me. I say that I am not interested. I want to know why they thought they needed to tell me.

It gets a bit sketchy here. Then.

Ashley starts moving around the flat demonstrating that everything I have is second hand and does not really work well. He tries the gas cooker and the lighting function takes ages to work. He says that I am poor and that he cannot understand why that should be the case because I founded a technology company and raised a lot of money. It should not be like this. It does not make sense to him it is not fair in his eyes. I say that it is what it is.

I note that Camilla is in fact quite drunk. She has been in shenanigans with Ashley somehow. People have been inquiring about my past and that is why James has also cropped up. I know that they have both driven to my flat in their respective Mercedes cars. I tell Ashley that he must drive her home and I come back in with the steering wheel from Camilla’s car with the Mercedes logo on which I have removed. He argues. So I head butt him and he falls to the ground. I say that he needs to be real and to take responsibility.

He gets up and continues to find fault with my poor circumstance. He is being derogatory and negative. In the end they go off in his car. They then return and Ashley makes a dramatic entrance through the French windows. He makes an entrance through the net curtains against the heavy rain backdrop. He says that he has been talking with Susan S. who is also a party to this tremendous and far reaching mess. I can sense Susan through him. I can see her.

I say that it is late and that he had better take Camilla home and then drop James off at his flat which is just off the South circular. I say that I am bored with all the drama and that not everything has to make sense…

As I awake I think. “oh shit, not yet another dream with somebody else’s mess in!!”

Tag: poverty

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