I am somehow viewing our old house in Surrey, Montgomery’s Farm. I can see our landlord he is being interviewed by several official looking people concerning me. He says, “As far as I know they were polite, well behaved and generally liked. Then one day they pretty much upped sticks and disappeared. Nobody knew they were planning to do this !!”

I look down and see that our landlord has with him a dog with two heads.

Later...

I am, for whatever reason, staying in a large country house, a mansion with reddish bricks and very grand. It looks out across open fields and a valley. I can see woodland on the side of the hill on the far side of the valley. The house is set in the UK.

I am in the kitchen cooking a ratatouille style dish with courgettes and tomatoes. Two men and a woman arrive at the door. The men are wearing long trench coats in beige. Someone ushers them in to the kitchen and they start talking to me while I am cooking. They are asking me how come I am here. To which I reply that there is no simple answer. The men say that they are officials and have the right to know.

Pretty soon two other people turn up dressed smartly and with them are uniformed police. There is one of them who is the leader and he is from the Intelligence Services. They come into the kitchen and the tone gets more severe. I put some prawns in the pan. The leader says that security are going to restrain me. A policeman comes forward and handcuffs me. He attaches the other end of the handcuffs to a four poster bed. The woman comes with me bringing my pan and sits with me on the bed. They allow me to eat and I share some of my meal with the woman. I note that the prawns are not fully cooked. I ask her what her role in this. She is a police medical officer and may assess me.

I say to her that I need a piss. The policeman undoes my cuff from the bed and cuffs me to the female medical officer. She is now wearing a very blue dress which was hidden below her coat. I note that she will “stand out” in thew gents toilets. She is unfazed. We then (somehow) enter some gents toilets. It is busy and all the cubicles are taken. I am wearing a white t-shirt and around my middle, sarong style, is a white towel.

I go over to a long metal urinal and let the towel fall. I take a piss without using my hands with the woman stood next to me. It is a bit splashy. I then bend down to pick up the towel which I, with her assistance, wrap around my waist.

We go back to the room with the four poster bed and I am again attached. The woman suggests that I am going to be transferred. I will need some trousers. These are bought for me and I wear them.

The “intelligence” leader comes over and starts to ask me questions. His tone is combative and suspicious. He is asking me about various transfers of money and companies held in my name. I have absolutely no idea what he is talking about. It becomes clear that they are trying to frame me for some fraud so that they can take me back. The demeanour of the woman changes from sympathetic to cold.

They move over to one side of the room to chat in a huddle. I lift my hands up and when I bring them down the cuffs have vanished. Nobody notices. I can see some double swing doors, lab style, which lead into the back corridors of The Royal Institution.

I guess that if I can make it through the doors, I will be able to lose them in the labyrinthine corridors which I know well.

I start to move towards the doors and pass a side room. I glance in and the woman is now dressed in medical scrubs. She is operating on someone on a table. She sees me and raises the alarm. I make a dash for it and get through the double doors.

Several men start chasing me and someone is pushing a trolley down the corridor with chemicals on. I hurdle the trolley and head off down the corridor. The trolley stops, temporarily, my pursuers. They continue after me. One of them is wearing a full face shield and ventilator. I know there is no danger but he is afraid of the chemicals. I shout to him that there is no need and that it is safe.

I continue on and they chase me. We come to a dead end room. I am cornered. I see some blue foam pipe insulation several feet long. It is very soft and flexible. As they approach, I hit them on the head with it, in turn. It does no harm but appears to comedically stop them in their tracks.

The dream ends and I awake needing a piss.

• I am about to cook ratatouille for dinner. Let’s hope I am not interrupted!! 😊