My Death – pārasaṃgate – Phowa – Dream 04-01-2026

Here is this morning’s dream / vision which started around 5 AM and which persisted and replayed many times after that. It is now an “event” which I can hold and “visit”.

The dream starts with an elevated view looking down on a man in a magenta monastic sleeveless tunic with his hands held in his lap. They are in partial mudra. He is sat on a carpeted floor loosely cross legged with back leaning against a bench or sofa for support. He has a light faded plumb coloured blanket over his shoulders which has an inlaid fine embroidered pattern. I know him to be dead and my erstwhile body.

The scene changes to before. I am sat up in a hospital bead with a painted white metal frame. I am in a nursing home or hospital like facility. I call a nurse to me. I say that I think it is time and could she bring be my blanket and the cat. I am helped out of bed and down the corridor to a “sitting room”. I sit on the floor with my back against a bench. On each side are cloth privacy medical screens on metal frames with wheels. They are light blue-light green in colour. I am shielded from view. People in the corridor cannot see me. A mid-sized oxygen cylinder is brought and laid horizontally on the floor. A small clear plastic tube runs from the cylinder and is looped once around my head. There are two small outlet tubes which are fitted to my nostrils. The gas is flowing. I can see that the pressure regulator on the cylinder is tending towards empty. It is not yet in the red. The orderlies are not concerned because I will probably die before it runs out. I make myself comfortable on the floor and my grey cat is brought to me. She is very much like Bowie the stray cat we “rescued” here. I am given the cat and she sits briefly on my lap. I stroke her and she nuzzles. She then wanders off. Two attendants come with my blanket which they put around my shoulders.

I adopt the infinity mudra in which the thumb and middle finger of each hand are touching each other and the two rings so formed are intertwined to form an infinity or 8 sign. As I do this in the dream I can feel the “chakras” in the palms of my hands and feet instantly energised while I am sleeping in “real” life. It is “electrifying”.

I start to chant quietly to myself in the dream.

“gate gate pāragate pārasaṃgate bodhi svāhā”

Slowly this changes to deep voice. I then focus on my crown or sahasrāra chakra which I “unscrew” to open it in readiness. I am making the way clear for me to go beyond form.

The scene changes to several weeks ago in the dream. I know we are last century. I am in the hospital bed and discussing with two white young male doctors. I am explaining to them that I need to make preparations for my death, my passing over. They are unconvinced that such thigs are necessary. Medical science does not believe in them. I suggest that there may be some things that medical science does not yet know and ask that they please humour a dying man. What I am asking is harmless and will not upset the running of the facility. One of the doctors says that he still does not believe me. I say that we shall see because I know that the time is approaching soon. We will find out. Not today but soon. They agree to help out.

I am now sat back down on the floor. I can feel that my face has been recently shaved and that I have bathed. I feel clean. My hair is still in a buzz cut growing out, a few millimetres long. I focus again on the sahasrāra and continue to chant lightly slowing fading this out. I can feel a first wisp beyond my body. The view shifts so that I am sat observing the body as if in a mirror. We are close a few feet apart. Slowly out of my crown a golden-yellow cloud of mist rises up and swells out. Like a murmuration of sorts. In amongst it I can see flecks of shining gold which catch the light and there are deep flecks of indigo-blue near glass-like threads and like tiny shiny fish scales. The cloud is filled with tiny sparkly mirrors glistening in the unusual supernatural light. The cloud moves slowly and expands.  I look down to the hands. I can see them and feel them. At the moment the cloud is still anchored in the body. The right hand opens the finger-thumb mudra to break the infinity seal and the cloud detaches from the body. The head previously upright lolls slightly forward in what I know to be my physical death.

I look at the cloud for a while and then my consciousness merges with it, into it. I am liberated of body. I wait in the room for a while and then it is gone from view.

I wake knowing that I have seen a death of mine. Over the next few hours the scene replays. I know that I died consciously in this dream and vision. I know that I had prepared and that it had mostly gone according to plan..

Nie mój cyrk, nie moje małpy…

Upcoming I have a choice which is not really a choice. It pertains to sahasrāra, “thousand-petalled” chakra.

I am due some surgery which might be as long as two hours. During which time I will have {hopefully} substantial anaesthesia and probably some induced paralysis. I may be intubated. The last time I had titanium put into my hip to repair my broken femoral neck I was sedated but largely conscious. I had fentanyl direct into my spine. I asked to watch but they refused. Someone had to hold up a “curtain” whilst they drilled away so I could not watch. I can remember the whole-skeleton vibrations. This is not a Beach Boys song.

“Drill music, also known as drill rap or simply drill, is a subgenre of hip-hop music that originated in Chicago in the early 2010s. It is sonically similar to the rap subgenre and lyrically similar to the gangsta rap subgenre.”

I have had previous shorter less profound anaesthesia. The last time when I was deeply “under” for six hours I subsequently had recollection of looking down at the operating theatre from above watching them doing a/my laparoscopic colectomy. There was weirdness after the operation and I reckon something untoward happened. This was either a dream or an out of body experience.

I have already met the triage consultant anaesthetist. She seemed OK with me going ahead in principle. This conversation was in French. I did not broach the subject.

I have done extensive Tibetan death practice which prepares the withdrawal of consciousness, the Antahkarana and Sutratma are loosened and stretched prior to removal of anchorage at death. The crown chakra is opened so as to facilitate a quick and seamless exit.

Whenever I have tried to broach the subject of meditation with anaesthetists before it has largely been ignored and the subject changed. They may have perhaps been imagining this reassuring. It was not. I am not going into this kind of thing afraid. I was not shitting my pants and anxiously blathering.

I was aware of the risks during profound and prolonged anaesthesia last time. But the person responsible was unwilling to engage. I will again be in a situation where the medical professional who may know plenty knows nothing about Tibetan death practice. During unconsciousness the “personality” part of my make-up will not have any control. That awareness will sleep. The risks of physical plane death are enhanced over the normal bio-mechanical, at least to my mind.

Even should I try to explain this in either French of English, I suspect that I will not be taken seriously.

So, do I refresh the practice in case I need to go?

Or will refresher practice facilitate and even encourage withdrawal?

Do I try to broach the subject?

I have no control of this situation if I want to be operated on. I am not in charge.

I guess I will just have to take the risk…

Hmnn…

The Problem of Out of the Box Thinking

Of late I have stopped looking at Twitter because there is an awful lot of stuff about the upcoming American presidential election. It does not speak well of the level of intelligence. It remains a mystery to me why/how such a technologically advanced society can have some very backward thinking, which is adamant and dogmatic.

Because I was “forced” to be right handed my school career got off to a bad start. I was forever being deducted marks for poor hand writing and shite diagrams. I chose not to study biology in six form because I was always losing marks for poor diagrams. I use a bow and arrow left-handed and I set up the food mixer “gammy” according to the wife.

Human beings can hold seemingly contradictory ideas at the same time without it causing them problems. For example, it is OK to bomb Gaza to smithereens killing thousands but to abort a foetus is forbidden / evil.  People believe the standard model of physics and yet still talk of heaven up there and hell down there. The concept of getting virgins as a reward for martyrdom is inconsistent with not having a body or penis when dead. People refer to heaven as a “place” but without physical form Cartesian notions of space are invalid. How would a discarnate consciousness be even aware of space with no eyes, no ears and in the absence of a heartbeat there would be no clock to provide time. Time and space would no longer exist.

Apparently, there is more in the universe which we don’t know than we do.

“In the standard lambda-CDM model of cosmology, the mass–energy content of the universe is 5% ordinary matter, 26.8% dark matter, and 68.2% a form of energy known as dark energy. Thus, dark matter constitutes 85% of the total mass, while dark energy and dark matter constitute 95% of the total mass–energy content.”

Yet people can be very adamant and assertive.

History shows that scientific models evolve and change. We tend to keep the old models and then add exception or special cases until using the old model is like flogging a dead horse. New out of the box ideas are nearly always seen as whacky at the get-go. This can lead to reputational loss and peer group shunning.

The phenomenon of quantum entanglement and its resolution with at distance effects on the other half of an entangled pair was a non sequitur for Einstein. We choose to describe the physics by calling two eigenstates entangled. It works for our purposes and has practical application. There is a part of me which wonders if we are missing something, if there is an underlying physics we are not yet aware of.  Will the people a century from now look back at our naivety? We teach wave particle duality but the electron does not give a toss how we describe things. We forget that our descriptions and models are just that. They are only so good as they are useful yet people are evangelical about them.

Logically there is a physics problem with heaven and hells. Where are they? Are they off planet, in a parallel universe, down the back of a sofa? What exactly goes there? It cannot be corporeal.

People can tend not to ask such questions. They can be seen as heretical.

A fair swathe of humanity believe in some form of “life” after death, which seems illogical from a reductionist point of view. Nobody has every proven life after death; therefore all “scientists” will tend towards atheism and life ends period. Yet there are many scientists of faith.

I personally have circumstantial dream evidence which points at reincarnation. I can say this in public because it no longer can affect my career prospects.

Modern science can be said to apply to the manifest universe. Religion suggests something non-manifest as we know it in the common view of the world. If using our current thinking we don’t know what 95% of the energy-mass of the manifest universe is, how can we be sure what is not manifest?

There is a big hole in our understanding.

In meditation I have opened the Sahasrāra chakra using visualisation and, in a stepwise manner visualized my awareness and consciousness outside my body. I did this by stretching the Sutratma and Antahkarana over a number of months. This was thinking out of the box so to speak. There was very little residual corporeal awareness “there”. According to some theories this is what happens at death. In that tradition this is a death practice.

I can in no way prove that I took my awareness out. I could have been kidding myself. I did also have a visual of looking down at me on the operating table during my colon cancer surgery. If I had to place a bet. Some kind of non-corporeal awareness can exist. I’ll find out for sure, soon enough.

People are allowed to think outside the societal box but they must not stray too far from the accepted reality box. If they think outside accepted paradigm, they risk excommunication. Another human being (priest) can by using a spell (rite) stop them from going to a place which nobody knows where it is and from which no one has come back bearing tales.

Anything truly original and avantgarde is very risky in socio-political terms.

Thinking outside the box close, just a tad outside the box, is allowed.

Trans-paradigmatic thinking is forbidden.