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One of the purposes of dreaming, of the dreaming, is to dream in new perceptions. These perceptions may differ from those in normal “conscious” waking thought. I have suggested here that most people while normally awake may not be fully conscious. The lights may be on.

This notion of perception is why I often follow up on dreams to see where the “thread” may lead. I have indeed found out new stuff doing this and it has expanded “research” in sometimes interesting ways. Sometimes it is a cul-de-sac.

This morning I have had an unpleasant dream whose contents points directly at a specific person. The theme along the lines of “perfidious Albion” points at that person seeking to exact revenge upon me {again}, coerce me and otherwise manipulate me. They are perhaps now of big cheese status in England. This theme of people seeking revenge on me has occurred on and off over the years and with a number of people in the role of seeker of revenge, of wanting to score points etc. I think it is sad, Jurassic, Palaeozoic and old. It is the tawdry theme of soap opera.

I personally do not get or understand the revenge / getting even motivation / folly. It is childish and petty. These days even the most powerful still express it.

Last night we watched an episode of Dragon’s Den and in that Touker Suleyman suggested to a hopeful that they really had not thought things through. Many of the schemes in the Den are harebrained and ill conceived. People can remain fixated upon their ideas, their game plan. They struggle to evolve their thinking.

People accustomed to the practice of attempted manipulation also do not always think things through. They are caught up in the “game” and like the “reward” of emotional intensity. However from to time the attempted manipulation goes very badly awry and this really pisses them off. You can play a manipulation with a straight bat.

For example on the occasion of my second wedding my mother played the “it is very difficult to get to the venue” delivery anticipating a “I would really love to have you there, please come” return. Instead she got a relaxed, “if it is so difficult please don’t put yourself out”. The conversation ended and the wedding was mother free.

People accustomed to manipulation are not accustomed to bluff calling. They expect some kind of negotiating argy-bargy. This is what the vampiric manoeuvre is all about. They want to feed.

Those enamoured of socio-political itchy back negotiation often cannot see other perspectives. Not everyone seeks a deal with Mephisto. This does not occur to some. Those fond of argy-bargy cannot envisage renunciation or sacrifice. Such responses can completely nonplus and non sequitur a game player.

On multiple occasions people have initiated a “negotiation” game.

I have responded with my “fuck this for a game of soldiers” mentality and walked away. This has had far reaching consequences unforeseen by those unable to envisage such a behaviour because they have been selfish and very “what is in it for me” oriented. They do not get self-less-ness one bit. It is sub-angstrom to their mentality.

Only the very high functioning borderline sociopath might anticipate a sacrificial or self-immolation response. They may deliberately drive this outcome but that too can have unforeseen consequences. It is difficult to punish someone who is no longer there.

Viewed from one angle I have renounced many things and this has caused turmoil in the wake. It is unexpected to fall on one’s sword in the absence of significant applied duress.

I have the self-sacrificial vibe as a part of my mentality, my core. Some geezer once said, trying to be clever, that I was a part of the equation as to why things were not working. I simplified his equation for him by removing myself entirely from it. I don’t know if he ever found a solution thereafter.

In today’s dream the protagonist wanted to make me pay. I kneeled, prostrated and said that I will pay. I re-iterated many times.

I know from a previous life what it feels like to die as a sacrificial act. I have often wondered if that is again on the cards.

My next prostrate specific antigen test is due in March…