He be up yon Wurzel tree…

November 8, 2025November 8, 2025 ~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

Stalker’s Rule

5^th aspect

“Whenever faced with impossible odds, a warrior opens himself up to the world around him by allowing his mind to become occupied with the little details of life.”

Dreamer’s addendum.

“That way he can interpret the waking dream all around him.”

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It stands to reason that if you prefer to hide in the shadows in order to get some “advantage” over another being you are a creature of the dark. You are not a being of light. Tenebris. Darkness, these have imbued you and to an extent rule you. You have become like the eponymous vampire afraid of day light, afraid of being open, truthful and honest. You fear the dawn. You are forever seeking your next salacious feed. You may think you are being cunning and clever but the darkness has advised you thus. The darkness has his salesman’s foot across your threshold and has the door to your heart and soul jammed ajar. You have debased yourself. You are a pervy voyeur, a sneaky peeker, a surreptitious coward snivelling around afraid of honesty and openness. You belong in Mordor with its acrid sulphur.

Because of anthropomorphic climate change the moles have been gadding about. The little buggers have been busy with the warm weather. As one of my last pre-operative gardening stints I have been out laying mole traps. Since I started trapping moles about five years ago I have learned much. I have a mental map of all the “old” galleries and can tell if a new mole hill is an end of tunnel pile up or a nodal crossroads with a fair degree of accuracy. If you are laying traps it is absolutely imperative that you use gloves upon which there is no human scent. The smell can be on the inside. A drop of human sweat renders a trap ineffective until it is cleaned and allowed to develop an earthy aroma. I have 21 traps, 21 jewels, all of which are now set in my land, my world. I have several 3 way nodes and one 4 way node trapped. Usually I wait one week. You can sometimes smell above ground before unearthing the trap if it has been successful. This particularly so in summer. So if the little buggers do continue to ferret around in the darkness they may find the jaws of a trap closing upon their nosey noses. There is no obvious way for a mole to know where my traps are. They are just looking for salacious juicy worms to chew upon. All they care about is worms and filling their bellies.

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And I´ll be happy to see
Those nice young men
In their clean white coats..

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What Do You Notice?

August 27, 2025 ~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

Depending upon our experiences, orientation and degree of self-absorption what we notice may differ. How we assimilate it can differ too. The wife has a different approach from me which means we can find things the other cannot, CDs and keys being an example. I can be detail blind. Working together is more comprehensive.

This morning the nurse noted that I was limping, waddling like a duck. As a part of her profession she notes things like this. I have noted of late that people apologise to me for getting in my way because my penguin gait lacks poise and grace. I am no longer a twinkle-toed ninja Nureyev.

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When we have a pattern orientation things which jar with that pattern can be mildly unsettling. We know something is off but cannot always verbalise what it is that is off. We may not twig what. I am very familiar with the lay of the land around the pond and the boundary fences. If something has changed, I notice. Any ingress by animal leaves signs. I spot these.

With people I am good at spotting when flow, event flow is a bit staccato or forced. People may be saying one thing but my pattern orientation tells me with a klaxon that something is off. I note this and drop my credulity down to a few per cent.

My orientation is towards patterns, flow and modus operandi. I note and remember the “play book” even if this is imagined covert. Some people will tend to send an “underling” to interact and then quiz them afterwards so that no provable direct involvement is present. They may may imagine that the motive is hidden and that they are being perhaps clever and cunning. They will move a “pawn” 1. e4 imagining perhaps that someone might be playing the same kind of games. Opening gambits are limited and some people love the idea of a gambit.

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They can treat others poorly without rhyme nor reason because they like to play games. They imagine themselves suave and sophisticated. Others may have different views.

I have a mild aptitude for detective or intelligence work. But I certainly lack the stamina or dedicated application. I can read between the lines well but only for so long as I remain interested. I have often wondered if I have some kind of attention deficit but have the working conclusion that I get bored relatively quickly. Once I have the gist that suffices, usually. Once I learned how to get research grants funded, the mystery was gone. Not so exciting after that…

As part of my development I looked into the concept of stalking perception, according to the stalker’s rule. This has nothing to do with criminal stalking, but is paying attention to what we observe, what we perceive and what we assimilate therefrom. To the vast majority of people what I have just said has no meaning and they have no idea what is entailed. They have not devoted decades to stalking their own perception. They will be unaware of the divergence in approach to life which this engenders and imagine that the “normal” guidelines apply. As a stalker of perception I theorise that the majority of people have no idea that I may be stalking my perception of events and to a certain extent theirs.

When I was interacting with people in the Toltec context, I felt the best approach would be to convince people that I was a dreamer and not a stalker, by predilection. As a consequence I would by default, be underestimated.

What I have learned is that most people try the same approach over and over with very few variations. They tend to see things solely from within their own context and view of the world…

They can be stuck in their ways.

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The Philosophy of Personal Identity

January 24, 2025 ~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

The killer awoke before dawn
He put his boots on
He took a face from the ancient gallery
And he walked on down the hall

“The End” by The Doors

I found by experimentation that if a pub was a little crowded of a Friday night, putting the song “The End” on the Juke box several times was causal of a marked thinning out of people density.

If one were to take too many masks from the ancient gallery one might end up with a split personality or a dissociative identity / multiple personality disorder.

“Dissociative identity disorder (DID), previously known as multiple personality disorder (MPD), is one of multiple dissociative disorders in the DSM-5, ICD-11, and Merck Manual. It has a history of extreme controversy.

Dissociative identity disorder is characterized by the presence of at least two distinct and relatively enduring personality states. The disorder is accompanied by memory gaps more severe than could be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.”

From Wikipedia

I think it is generally held that having a fairly stable sense of personal identity is a sign of mental health, though many can have an identity crisis in which said set of views and processes, the identity, are called into question. After crisis one might arrive at a changed personal identity, that change could be small or large it is unlikely however to be an utterly complete change. The notion of self-plays a big role in modern psychiatry, dissolution of self leads to liberation is Buddhism etc. Self-esteem which we hear these days is under threat partially because of all the imaginary imagery. Petabytes of doctored pictures provide an illusory ideal yardstick by which to measure inadequacy.

The sense of self might have a strong component of profession. There may be qualities and descriptors to which one subscribes. These may change during life. The thing is I don’t think that many people actually know themselves very well, which suggests that their self-image, self-description and personal legend are at best inaccurate. This does not prevent life from going on as an ersatz. Not everyone needs to fathom the depths.

Whilst one is fully engaged in the common currents of life and the angular momentum of the daily hamster wheel there is little time for reflection and discovery. The pace of life is too fast to bother. Crisis can change this.

I have heard it said that many who go on a 30 day silent solo retreat, struggle. This is because without the accoutrements of self and a lifestyle, the notion of self starts to fall away. This can be very scary. Some may get scarred. Others come out the other side less obsessed by notion of self, less attached to this and have little or no urge to defend anything even minorly contradictory to the illusory narrative of self. Other people are not holding you to this self-image which you have spent much time projecting into the world and your relationships. You are not bound by a self-narrative to the same extent.

For a number of years, I was an evangelical vegan. Then my notion of self had veganism as a core part. Others saw me as a vegan, perhaps annoyingly evangelical, to sit down at table with them and eat beef steak was a game changer for them and for me. I was bricking it that they would call me a hypocrite. They had a sudden change of view.

Self and identity refer to similar things. I could say that I identify as a heterosexual male. But I don’t really, it is a side effect of my dangly bits, chromosomes and residual sexual orientation.

The ninth aspect of the stalker’s rule is:

“A stalker never reveals his identity, not even to himself.”

The notion of stalking is to stalk perceptions, primarily one’s own perceptions. If you have strong descriptor of self and a fixed identity then you will perceive everything through the possible colouration of that lens. It will provide a perceptual and conceptual bias. If you have no identity or no fixed identity the range and scope of possible perceptions increases.

When I first started stalking my perception, I started with the ninth aspect instead of the first. The implications of this aspect of rule are very wide ranging on the one hand and utter simplicity on the other.

If you don’t say things like, “I am / was a senior lecturer in physical chemistry of Welsh extraction, with left wing leaning politics and profound concern about anthropogenic climate change with a wife and a nice house in the country.” Then people will not know where to place you. But this kind of little sentence forms the basis of many person-person interactions. There is a desire for such a one liner for people to start to feel comfortable about who and what they are dealing with. On one level that one liner is true. But it says nothing about what I am like nor how my world view is configured. I do not identify with that sentence even though it is correct. This kind of statement is a part of ritual sniffing where humans metaphorically sniff each other’s arses, like dogs.

If people ask, I can now say that I am retired. If you say it in a particular way few inquire as to retired from what. Although I am retired from in-world quotidian interactions I am not retired in an absolute sense. I have not carked it yet.

At first glance and upon fleeting interaction I seem pretty much like everyone else. I’ll speculate that once my very different world view was rubbed up against, I would see less normal. If I did not wear my normal society mask and let my true colours emanate, I would differ markedly. Just how markedly is impossible to explain, it would have to be experienced. This is because I have used over two decades erasing self and weakening any identification, especially with the form side of life. At first pass a psychiatrist might be concerned, especially if they were taking notes upon how I see myself, what I like, what I don’t like. They may reach for their bible, the diagnostic manuals, excited.

If I say that I learned at an early age to blend and be a chameleon they might raise an eyebrow. But this is a true if metaphorical statement. I went from an “experimental” late sixties Bristol primary school where I was allowed to play chess instead of do art, to a traditional Mines School deep in the Australian outback. For safety I learned to blend. A sore thumb pom quickly spoke Strine.

If you have a sense of identity, whether strong or otherwise, it is difficult to imagine what it is like to have none. Group and group mind comprise a subset of identity. There are millions of red cap wearing MAGA devotees who might identify as non-woke anti-liberal nonce. Group identity remains identity and it is this which is aback and casual of wars.

Many people identify as Christian but in no way do they practise the teachings of Christ, they might better call themselves old-school Jehovian. Brutal destructive vengeance is not a Christian trait to my understanding.

A big contribution to sense of identity is peer group. In the peer group people share stories about their lives and others keep them beholden, to an extent, to these stories. There may be underlying assumptions and expectations on identity.

If you identify to / as anything it can be used to leverage and manipulate you. You can manipulate others with/by their identity.

Look you are eating steak! I always knew you were a hypocritical self-righteous bastard, shame on you. If you do this for me, I won’t tell the others.