Tag: warrior’s path

Last Few Years – End Game

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

Since we have been in France several people have commented that I am still young. I have not and do not believe them. I do not see myself as young. I don’t feel that I have two decades left. I feel increasingly decrepit.

The average UK male life expectancy in the UK might be 84 but I have smoked a lot, drunk a lot and have early stage COPD. The government web site “thinks” on average that I will make the state pension age of age of 67. I am less sure. Various anti-tobacco web sites suggest that I have taken around ten years off my life expectancy. Someone like Boris Johnson is the same age as me. There is no way I could countenance his reported familial circumstance. I simply could not hack it. Some of my erstwhile peers are still having useful and successful careers. My overt socio-political career effectively stopped nearly two decades ago. I am done in that context.

The end-game trajectory looks pretty simple.

Many of the things which are advertised as activities for the aged are of no interest to me. The sanguine advertisers’ pictures of garden centre visits, SAGA river cruises, stairlifts, cremation plans and incontinence pants don’t really light my candle. Weirdly old farts like me are pictured using smart phones like a teenager! I will not be a grey-fox male model nor a complicit cripple smiling to camera and simpering in a wheel chair, thanking my lucky stars.

There is a disconnect in perception. People see sixty-year olds differently from how I experience it.

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There is nothing on my bucket list and no residual ambition. I am not keen on bingo nor lawn bowls. I do not want to play bridge nor socialise with my fellow gummy-bear toothless.

I don’t really have much of anything to offer which people might want and/or pay for. I know some things but the things I know are not that which people desire or want. These will go up the crematorium chimney with me.

I know that on the warrior’s path anything might and can happen. So, if something hugely life-changing happened I would not be overly surprised. It looks mightily unlikely now.

I could treat myself to a new camera and renew my photography. I am 90% sure that I could write a truly terrifying occult based psycho-terror novel. Exorcism might feature. Cancer epidemiology and life expectancy / month graphs could be included. I could add some chem-bio-gene terror to the plot, maybe throw in a few mutations.

It remains a hypothesis that other people have karma to work out in respect of me and that I can in no way facilitate this process. Either they will do it in time or I will pop my clogs first. I am powerless to help, incommunicado and our circles are unlikely to cross again this life.

If we down-size the garden a lot. I will need something to do.

I don’t really have a vision of where to from here…the current horizons however are not large…

The Wrong End of the Stick Dream 16-03-2025

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

An English idiom meaning to get something wrong by one’s approach by making stupid assumptions. To think that something you’ve been offered is the opposite of what it is. To confuse left and right. To turn an ability into a disability, a solution into a problem.

From the Urban Dictionary

Overnight I have had another dream in which some people get the very wrong idea about my “relationship” with them and on the basis of that make incorrect assumptions about what I must and will do for them, to help them out and otherwise clear up a mess which is entirely of their own making. They, in the dream, imagine that I am a bit like one of them, on the same level and with the same motivations. Which I am not.

The dream prior to that says that in some things I have no choice. I simply cannot do what might be convenient because it is evil.

This recurrent theme of somebody else’s mess has occurred numerous times over more than the last decade or so. It is not my mess, I cannot clear it up, nor can I like a fairy Godmother rescue them. Bonnie Tyler may be singing a song but it does not refer to me, sorry. I cannot offer any advice because it would fall on deaf ears.

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It is said that a warrior lives by challenge. I have found increasingly that the challenge for me is non-intervention, to leave well alone and to let others have the opportunity to learn. This notion of stepping back did not initially sit well. It turns out not getting involved or conflated into the drama of others, is both relaxing and economic. In the midst of some soap opera or other everything seems very important, with detachment that looks more like emotional over reaction. Some people like drama and thrive thereupon. They stoke it and feed.

I have learned that it is impossible to explain to someone caught up in and obsessed by their social conditioning, what things are like, and how they look, when that conditioning has nearly completely gone. It is one of those things that has to be experienced. No verbalisation can convey.

This may sound arrogant, as if I may be looking down. Is that real or your reflection which you see in the mirror I hold up for you. Am I haughty? Or have I at least partially risen above the soap-opera-plane?

Poor me, I am so misunderstood…

It that my being victim or a truth of sorts.

I do not feel victimised rather inured to, accustomed with, bored by, an experience I have had often in my sixty years.

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We’re only making plans for Nigel
We only want what’s best for him
We’re only making plans for Nigel
Nigel just needs that helping hand

And if young Nigel says he’s happy
He must be happy
He must be happy
He must be happy in his world

We’re only making plans for Nigel
He has his future in a British steel
We’re only making plans for Nigel
Nigel’s whole future is as good as sealed, yeah

XTC

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True Intuition and the Soul or Dreamer

~ quantumdreamer ~ Leave a comment

There are various types of intuition, one of these is intellectual pattern forming in which the mind maps things and comes up with some arrangement. An example of this is when I prepare a shopping list, I put items in rough order for where they are in the store. The last item is usually butter or fresh bread because these are closest to the checkouts. When I used to play the card game “pairs”. Instead of row and column, I would remember where, pictorially.  Listening to questions on “university challenge” I occasionally intuit an answer with little or no laboured thinking. Of course this is far from 100% accurate.

There is another kind of intuition, which is less rational, we might call it a direct knowing. This maybe when a friend or family is about to ‘phone and we go towards the ‘phone as it rings. It is kind of spooky for some but completely normal for others.

True intuition is when the dreamer or Soul speaks directly to the incarnate being through the veil of personality and ambition.

Pictorially here is a schematic of levels of awareness as per Théun Mares.

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In the schematic the dreamer corresponds to the Soul and true inner-tuition arises when the dreamer tries to advise and direct the dreamed. I can say that I have had numerous occasions when I have been busy doing something and all of a sudden, I get an imperative out of nowhere, to cease and desist. Alternatively, if I lack courage, I can get a sudden swelling of bravado and encouragement to go ahead.

Until rapport has been established with the dreamer or soul, until one is technically speaking soul-infused, intuition is largely mental or emotional and hence a property of the dreamed or incarnate personality.

Lifetime after lifetime the dreamer dreams in a dreamed, a vehicle in which it learns and evolves. The dreamer is often frustrated by the wayward dreamed, but that is the challenge of the dreamer to fully manifest its awareness on the physical and meaty plane.

By setting one’s intent to intelligently cooperate with the dreamer one “lifts” awareness onto what is called in some circles the intuitional or buddhic “plane”. I prefer state to plane. Thus, the goal is to expand awareness towards a buddhic or true intuitional level, state or scope. True intuition is never separative rather holistic and inclusive. I use holistic in a much more elevated and expansive sense than it is commonly bandied about, here.

According to the blue books opus, human evolution is headed in the direction of lifting awareness out of the meaty carnal, emotional and mental polarisation towards a true intuitional beingness. That looks nothing like modern soap-opera living, whether Trumpian or otherwise.

The theory goes that humanity is in general not in touch with nor en rapport with its Soul or dreamer. One of the ways contact can be established with the Soul is by dreaming. BUT, in order to do this one has to let go and NOT try to direct the dreams. Otherwise dreaming becomes a mental/emotional/carnal practice. Which does not liberate.

An imperative true intuition is very difficult to ignore, and the consequences of such ignoring can be wide reaching and impactful. The dreamer is persistent and will kneel the dreamed if so required.

True intuition can be very imperative. It can also be light and gentle. The dreamer is the “real” you, so it makes no sense in negating your “self”.

It is said that the greatest act of a warrior is to shift from control to abandon. In that one hands the steering wheel of the mundane vehicle over to the dreamer, the Soul. Life then is Soul influenced, Soul infused and tends to be way less petty and full of gripes and groans and moans.

One learns to dream true…

Working With Dreams

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Before I start to delve into my Attack Themed dreams I am going to talk a little about working with dreams.

I have a pet theory.

“Face is one of the most expensive and destructive follies of our human existence.”

People will do all sorts of stuff to try to preseve the Samsaric illusion of face. They will lie, maim and argue the toss. People do some truly dark shit to try to save “face”.

I have had some dreams in which I am attacked over and over. People who would not consider themselves evil are capable of a malevolence which they deem justifiable. From an evolutionary point of view, it is emotionally primitive, primordial even, evil. They would never accept that they are evil.

My secondary predilection after dreaming is for the clarity of the East, which makes me, in that context, a stalker of/in time. In the context of the eternal now, time is not quite as linear as physics would have us believe. The dreaming being out of matter is not so beholden to the laws of matter, one of which is “linear” time, the entropic arrow of disorder. We are counter entropic beings, one day we lose that battle and pop our clogs. Earth to earth, dust to dust.

 I’ll make a statement.

It is impossible to rush dreaming, dreaming needs time to coalesce.

Impatience and dreaming are not good bedfellows. Relaxation and abandon are key. Firm conclusions are an anathema to dreaming, any “conclusion” must be fluid and provisional. Grasping and latching on to interpretations is unwise. Dreaming in, is a practice of fluidity.

Early on I had prescient dreams. I would dream at night and the next day those dreams played out on campus in South Kensington. I have had dreams which have taken a decade to manifest. I have noted the death of some people in the dream with a physical plane temporal accuracy. If you keep a “lab book” you can cross reference. I also “see” dead people in dreams.

Of course I could be prone to confirmation bias, seeing connections which are not really there, because I want to. I am not a concluding kangaroo jumping forever to rigid conclusions.

In order to work with dreams, you might need a hypothesis. You could get all anal and Germanic. Or you could use the working hypothesis that the dreamer, your Soul, is trying to guide the physical plane you, the dreamed. If that is the case it implies that following the guidance in dreams is wise. There is a major caveat. The dreamer may suggest things contrary to your ambitions and desires. You may not like the “advice” and throw your toys out of the cot. The control junkie personality is unwilling to hand the steering wheel over to the dreamer. Although we may deem otherwise control is an illusion. We can micromanage during a day, but life has a bag of spanners which it enjoys chucking at us.

It takes courage to follow dreams.

To surrender the control is not for the feint of heart. One must be bold.

At the moment I am still working with the Human Puzzle dream. Subsequent to that I had many dreams which pointed to something unknown. The unknown, by definition, has few clues. One has to use the four postulates of stalking.

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Which says be humble, don’t get attached but do get busy. It says expectations are silly.

Concrete mind does not like the uncertainty of dreaming.

To work with dreams, one needs to relax and to let go. But you must be in it for the duration to find out where the journey goes.

I have no idea what, if anything, will come along before I go to the crem.