Trajectories Converging – Old Tools

In the previous post I mentioned that much of the on-line presence of Venture Capital firms is unappealing to me, well they don’t work at Jurassic Park and have no need to appeal to dinosaurs. I am clearly not the intended audience nor would I fit any suitability criteria. There are a lot of things these days for which I am not in the intended audience. The great thing about daytime TV is you get age appropriate adverts for Seniors Life Insurance, Cruises, Cremation Plans and Incontinence Pants. There are a range of stair lifts and comfy chairs which assist you to stand at a grand a pop.

When we moved here we inherited a number of tools, a power washer, a heavy duty strimmer and a sit on mower. Each year they need just that bit more maintenance. We have nearly finished our first garden spring clean. The strimmer is getting very vibration heavy and the power washer had a weld fail on the jet-lance. These lances are around 80 euros. It would make more sense to get a power washer which is not coal fired and buy a modern one. The strimmer needs a bit more oomph than battery. The question is, “if we are leaving can we justify €2-300 for a new power washer or not?” If we downsize we will not need such a beast. Maybe it is simpler to rent one for a day. No more capex. The strimmer we need. I will use it spring summer and autumn. I can probably eke one or two more mows out of the sit on mower before taking it to the repair shop. That way we avoid the bottleneck of repairs which happens every year when people turn on their mowers for the first time. Turnaround time in March is six weeks; in late April it is three. This works between mows.

The old tools are perhaps telling us that it is time to move on, to pastures new.  Like us the tools are no longer spring chickens…

I get the feeling that the trajectories are converging towards a simple downsize and not a lot else. I can’t see any open doors.

At the moment the hedge guy is doing our hedges. They are massive. When he has finished we should be good to go for estate agent photos. We can see if anyone wants to buy or if we have an albatross.

It does not matter overly what my opinions are, nor what I may know. Certainly there are a lot of smart people in science and there is no need for the likes of me. There is no need, no demand. I am surplus.

It does look like the trajectories are converging and finding a minimum on the decision potential energy hypersurface. The dream rate has dropped. The subject matter is less mystical but the theme of retreat centre – teaching remains (ish).

I am due my second hip operation early summer. This means that, should they be able to get the pin from my prior hip repair out, I should have an operational left hip by autumn. I can’t really see me doing anything other than bimbling about in the house and garden in the near term. We shall try wallpapering for the first time soon!!

The signs for moving on seem to be increasing in frequency…

Now all we need is some clue as to where..


  • I had to add bimbling to the Word Dictionary.

Ego Trips and Imposter Syndrome

Is there such a thing as an inverted ego-trip?

Doing a brief search on this today I came upon the notion for reverse impostor syndrome. Which does not seem to be greatly overestimating your abilities and bullshitting rather it is having a realistic high assessment which is not yet matched by the perceptions of others. There is bias against the lack of overt pushy presentation and showing off. The book must be shiny and well branded. The highly strategic global vision introvert may not be so highly rated as the “gobshite” blagger snake oil salesman. There is apparently an issue in VC circles where surface performance is funded more readily than in depth potential. It is not the best investment on occasion. Founders can have reverse impostor syndrome; they know their ideas are good but everybody else has yet to catch up.


  • Imposter syndrome is other people thinking you’re good, but you still don’t believe it for yourself on the inside.
  • Reverse imposter syndrome is knowing you are good, but others don’t believe it (as much as you know it to be true).

Wes Kao

VC-backed founder turned coach. Writing for 80,000+ operators on executive communication and influence at {newsletter.weskao.com}


It raises a philosophical idea.

If you think you know what you are talking about and this has significance are you on an attention seeking ego trip or is your assessment simply premature?

If the world at large is not interested or does not notice, who is mistaken them or you?

Who is kidding who?

If you don’t appreciate someone who know things well because they differ with your own views, exactly who is on an ego trip?

Can people use telekinesis to stop the penny from dropping, if so, for how long?

It is very easy when one is on an ego trip to point the finger at someone else and assert that it is they in fact who are on an ego trip…

Who defines, who is the expert, on what is and what is not an ego trip?

Expressions fall easily into the vernacular..

Far out….

Chemistry Degree Course – Knowledge & Compliance Dream 14-03-2026

Here is this morning’s dream

The dream opens in a Chemistry undergraduate teaching laboratory. Myself and a dozen or so others are getting back our Chemistry degree first year examination papers. The faculty, all younger than me by decades, are wearing white lab coats. The exam results are generally poor, the idea being to shock us into study. I get my paper back and look at the marking and comments. I can see a couple of proofs which I sketched out but did not finish because I knew the answer from that point. I get to the end and see that my mark is fifty one out of a hundred. Appended is the comment “one of the top marks for this exam”. Various of my peer group have done less well in the exam. I know that reason I have done better is because of my stint teaching “A” level Chemistry. I know that to get marks answers must correlate to the marks scheme provided only. There is no scope for even correct deviance. The people who have answered at “degree” level as it was two decades ago have been marked down and wrong. I understand that this is because the knowledge has changed a bit and that the acceptable answers have become more rigidly defined.

I go to the library and thumb through a modern edition of Atkins  “Physical Chemistry”. I note that it has changed with bizarre “knowledge” boxes and artificially highlighted “take homes”. I am then back in the teaching lab. I ask one of the faculty what text books we need. He hands me a PDF which is entitled “how to pass courses”. It is a guide on how best to give the expected answers to exam questions. He says that the details of how to get the text are on the course materials.

I ask him if the course might accept that it is not right in all cases, that it is a simplification. I explain that I once bought an achromatic lens which was marketed as truly achromatic. I explain that using Nd: YAG wavelengths of 1064 and 532 nm the focal points differed at even moderate laser intensity. The lens was achromatic only at very low laser fields. The manufacturer would not listen to my findings. The faculty member says that this is irrelevant. There are only the accepted answers to the course. He is mildly threatening. “If you don’t answer the questions as we set them and provide the accepted answers, you will not pass the course.” There is an element of coercion and exercise of power over. “If you do not comply you will not pass. You will fail. You will not get the accepted qualification”. He is unaware of my level of knowledge and adamant that he is right. I must comply with him (them) and what they deem right and complete.

In the dream I know that there is a problem. Because of course metrics courses and answers are designed in such a way that they can be measured. The guidebooks on how to pass are there to ensure that students get good grades and thence the course providers and examiners get good teaching feedback. I note that there is a circular delusion about improving standards and qualities. I note also that compliance is a problem when it comes to what knowledge is accepted and acceptable. In the dream I think they are kidding themselves about what they know and about knowledge. I suspect that they are wholly unwilling to accept this.

The dream ends…

Beth Evans – Female Civil Disobedience – Aussie Sausage Dream 21-02-2026

Here is last night’s dreaming sequence. As a background I was thinking about wrapping up my foray into online family tree search this morning.

Around four AM this morning after I had gone back to sleep and taken some ibuprofen for my back. I was deeply asleep. Out of nowhere and with a clear insistence the name “Beth Evans” came to the fore of consciousness. It was specifically Beth and specifically Evans. The clarity was marked. I noted it and resolved to remember. In the dream I wondered if it referred to the Evans branch of the family of my maternal grandmother.

After a while of permanence, it drifts off.

The scene now changes to a large female led civil protest in a US city. There are women of all ages but they are mostly 30-40. They are of all ethnicities and they carry placards. They are protesting against the “macho” policing of immigration and the gun boat jack boot coercive “diplomacy” overseas where threat of violence is used. Bullying. The woman have had enough. They chant that it is small cock diplomacy. The women everywhere have had enough of this toxic “masculinity” of the right wing nationalists. Which is fear based. They are disobeying orders not to march. Parts of the protest movement are found popping up over the world.

In Australia the protesters wave sausages alongside their placards. The sausages are meant to indicate penises. It is known in the press as “the Aussie sausage protest”. The trend catches on and female protesters start to wave sausages at all their anti-jack-boot – enforcement protests.

In France there are protests against the right wing anti-immigration movement too. The women also wave sausages. I meet some women coming away from a protest in the local town. They are carrying sausages. I jokily ask if they are Aussie. They are and have emigrated here. They have been lending a hand and a sausage to the local protesters, their sisters.

Later there is a gathering with long tables and I am sat near these Aussie women. There is a gingham table cloth and food. I chat to them and explain that I am an “honorary” Aussie of a sort because of my time at the Isa.

The dream ends and I resolve to look into Beth Evans later today.

How Things Pan Out…

I think it fair to say we never really know how things are going to pan out. Sometimes hindsight and retrospect enable us to re-frame our narratives concerning how we got here, wherever here might be.

I can say that my “future” at the turn of the century looked markedly different to how it turned out and actually is now. I doubt even the greatest “seer” could have pictured what happened and how we live our lives now. The divergence of imagined future and subsequent actuality was large.

Aside from what goes on in the dreams, it is more straightforward to suggest an on-going likely trajectory now than it was back then. For a start the number of variables in life are reduced as is the dramatis personae.

Of course there could be an influx of new and new people but given the circles we move in, the likelihood is low.

We will have provisional answers on the major events of 2026 in a few months. One of these question marks we have a good indication on already.

I have been toying with an idea and that is about leaving the wheel of rebirth. In the hagiographies this is often represented as quasi-miraculous perhaps to generate aspiration. Maybe it is a whole lot simpler than that. Perhaps all one needs is to have seen a lot, experienced a lot and to be essentially {in its core meaning} used up. If one is used up and has zero residual ambition there is no driver to take on another body, another slab of meat. One becomes quiescent and has not the impulse to energise another biological form. This idea is perhaps more logical that others. The urge to be reborn ceases and it is no more complicated than that. No desire – no rebirth. No want – no rebirth. No greed – no rebirth.  The list goes on.

Maybe it is a kind of boredom that allows one to escape the wheel. I have been there, seen that, done that and now at last, I have the t-shirt. I have learned along the way.

What hindsight may also suggest is the role others have had in our lives. How we perceive that role may differ from how they do. We may learn a little about for what purpose we called them forth into our lives. We may have missed the point entirely. Too often we berate and blame instead of considering. The way modern life is lived, lacks patience. In our haste we miss so very much.

Maybe that is it, no more drama…

Siddartha said, “stop being such a drama queen and like a cart follows an ox you will find satisfaction, serenity and peace. In time, after you have discarded your pink feather boa and ludicrous overreactions, you will be free.”

I have an inkling that many obsessed with complexity and intellectual masturbation fail to see the buddha-field of simplicity…

You never know what life has in store for you, nor how things will pan out.

All you every really have is now…

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Chapter VII: The Venerable (Arhat)

90 There is no suffering for him who has finished his journey, and abandoned grief, who has freed himself on all sides, and thrown off all fetters.

91 They depart with their thoughts well-collected, they are not happy in their abode; like swans who have left their lake, they leave their house and home.

92 Men who have no riches, who live on recognised food, who have perceived void and unconditioned freedom (Nirvana), their path is difficult to understand, like that of birds in the air.

93 He whose appetites are stilled, who is not absorbed in enjoyment, who has perceived void and unconditioned freedom (Nirvana), his path is difficult to understand, like that of birds in the air.

94 The gods even envy him whose senses, like horses well broken in by the driver, have been subdued, who is free from pride, and free from appetites.

95 Such a one who does his duty is tolerant like the earth, like Indra’s bolt; he is like a lake without mud; no new births are in store for him.

96 His thought is quiet, quiet are his word and deed, when he has obtained freedom by true knowledge, when he has thus become a quiet man.

97 The man who is free from credulity, but knows the uncreated, who has cut all ties, removed all temptations, renounced all desires, he is the greatest of men.

98 In a hamlet or in a forest, in the deep water or on the dry land, wherever venerable persons (Arhanta) dwell, that place is delightful.

99 Forests are delightful; where the world finds no delight, there the passionless will find delight, for they look not for pleasures.

Dhammapada (Max Muller)

Pitching a Novel?

Last night we watched the last episode of “Stranger Things”. The last section was long and painfully drawn out filled with American saccharin and apple pie idealism. It was a bit “pass the sick bag”. We had to wait for the predictable ending for quite a while. It went out with a damp squib. No tenterhooks. Overall “Stranger Things” has been enjoyable, original and different.

Which led me to thinking, “could I do better?”

Anyway I am back to the notion of a novel. The theory being that my USP is that I once was a kosher scientist and I have a fairly deep understanding of the occult. I am no longer a practicing scientist in that I do not earn a living therefrom. There are not many like me.

That brings me back to the whole publishing minefield where many publishers require an agent. There are scam-self publishing houses or one can do Amazon-Kindle self-publishing. There are people who take advantage of the gullible who want to be published.

I know enough about how self-publishing works.

There is a catch 22.

Why write a book if it will be a complete ball ache to get published?

Is it possible to get an in principle interest from either an agent or a publisher before starting a book?

An advance seems impossible.

The big drawback in all this is getting enthusiasm for promotion. I am not sure I could be arsed.

My pitch to venture capital success rate remains very good. But I had to write a business plan for that, even if it did not get read until after the pitch. There was a manuscript of sorts with graphs, projections and shit like that.

I am pretty confident that I can come up with something original. Would it be too highbrow? Maybe. Perhaps there would not be enough intrigue, violence and shagging though. Mobile ‘phone use could be a little too sparse.

I am really not turned on by the idea of being a published author, in the book sense. I don’t want to be the story teller aiming at a world with three waterfalls…I don’t know what motivates others. There is a lot of “advice” on line about how to pitch, how to go ahead. Some of it seems very scam…

A novel would give me something to do. It is statistically unlikely to generate any revenue. The Kindle route is cost free but they hassle you for USA tax documentation. There is a lot of spam. The last dealings I had with prospective agents were unsatisfactory. I have had responses from small niche publishing houses and I did get one or two indications of at least an alleged willingness to read a manuscript. The responses were not rote bulk nor at the time AI bot generated. I still have these emails.

I have previously been interested in testing the limits of possibility…you never know where an idea can go, what it might evolve in to…

Hmnn…