Anaesthesia Consent and DNR

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We do  have some lovely conversations in this house…

I will, early this evening, light the metaphorical blue touch paper for tomorrows procedure. It will be ten years since I had my pT3N0M0 adenocarcinoma removed. 39 lymph nodes were extracted and pathologically examined. Since then I have had numerous colonoscopies. Tomorrow I will have general anaesthetic. I will have another endoscopy. I will be shitting my arse off, tonight and tomorrow morning.

There will be Bastille Day “fireworks” chez nous.

I have to give consent in French and nowhere am I asked if I fully understand. The assumption of comprehension is one of the clinically flawed approaches here, in my opinion. Nobody checks if you understand. It is the kind of detail which bugs me. There are a lot of assumptions in France…the process is trusted. Given the quality of healthcare it might be a good tweak to make it better.

A simple question….Do you {really} understand what I am saying?

In the unlikely event of an emergency I have said that I do not want to be resuscitated if there is a danger of paraplegia or brain death. I now have an anomaly in my ECG…

Karmically if it is time, it is time. DNR, do not resuscitate.

I am anticipating that they will find some polyps which will be excised and biopsied. If the polyps are benign my next day of joy will be scheduled five years hence. If there is a need for a follow up, I will see the chimney sweep again sooner.

This kind of thing reminds you of impermanence…

The best thing is that even with a buzz cut hair cut they make you wear a groovy hair net. I will be 24 hours with no food…having been on a white-bland no-residue diet for three days…

The diet recommendations in France speak of not eating escargot, not a problem for me. The UK ones say that you can have plain naan and chapatti…

I have manged to do a “white” curry without onion or garlic, which was passable…

Pizza is on the menu for tomorrow evening with crisps….to follow…

Hilarion in the Blue Books Opus

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After the fourth initiation, the effects are felt predominantly in the initiate’s group and in his field of service; there, he constitutes a point of tension and precipitates great points of crisis. His own points of crisis and of tension are existent but, mysteriously, only in relation to his consciousness of the group in which he plays an increasingly potent part.

The groups affected by the progressive initiatory process to which the disciple is being subjected are three in number, and these effects differentiate and condition his group service, according to the initiation being undergone; it is from this angle we must study the initiation, the ray effects, and the results produced within the three groups. These are:

The group in which the initiate is working upon the physical plane and which is an externalization (existing on the mental and astral planes) of some phase of work sponsored by the New Group of World Servers. All disciples and initiates in physical manifestation are at this time members of that group, which is the focal point of the present effort being made by the Hierarchy. Through it spiritual energy from five of the Ashrams is flowing. These five are:

  • The Ashram of the Master K.H., particularly in regard to the work of education.
  • The Ashram of the Master D.K. (myself), particularly in regard to aspirants for initiation.
  • The Ashram of the Master R., particularly in regard to the reorganizing and the reconstruction of Europe, from the point of view of economics.
  • The Ashram of the Master Morya, as He seeks to find, influence and direct the activities of workers in the political field throughout the planet.
  • The Ashram of the Master Hilarion, as He supervises the discoveries (and the application of such discoveries) of the scientific movement in the world today.

You will note, therefore, the profound and widespread interest of this field of energy wherein ray energy is now active.

The Rays and the Initiations – Part Two – Section Two – The Aspirant and the Major Initiations

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Again the method of direct incarnation will be employed by certain of the Masters and initiates through the process of:

  • Physical birth.
  • Appropriation of a suitable vehicle, or body.
  • Direct creation by an act of will. This will be rare.

The second, or middle, method will be the one most frequently employed. Six of the Masters, as yet quite unknown to the average occult student by name, have already sought physical incarnation – one in India, another in England, two in northern America, and one in central Europe, whilst another has made a great sacrifice, and taken a Russian body in the desire to act as a peace center in that distracted land. Certain initiates of the third Initiation have taken feminine bodies, – one in India will in due time do much toward the emancipation of the women of India, whilst another has a peculiar work to do in connection with the animal kingdom which likewise is awaiting the day of His appearing.

The Master Jesus will take a physical vehicle, and with certain of His chelas effect a respiritualization of the Catholic churches, breaking down the barrier separating the Episcopal and Greek churches from the Roman. This may be looked for, should plans progress as hoped, about the year 1980. The Master Hilarion will also come forth, and become a focal point of buddhic energy in the vast spiritualistic movement, whilst another Master is working with the Christian Science endeavor in an effort to swing it on to sounder lines. It is interesting to note that those movements which have laid the emphasis so strongly on the heart or love aspect, may respond more rapidly to the inflow of force at the Coming than other movements which consider themselves very advanced. The “mind may slay” the recognition of the Real, and hatred between brothers swing the tide of love-force away. The three Masters so closely allied with the theosophical movement are already making Their preparations, and will also move among men, recognized by Their Own and by those who have eyes to see. To those of Their chelas on earth who undergo the necessary discipline, opportunity will be offered to work on the astral plane and, should they so choose, an immediate incarnation, provided they have achieved continuity of consciousness. He Who is known as D. K. is planning to restore – via His students – some of the old and occult methods of healing and to demonstrate:

  1. The place of the etheric body.
  2. The effect of pranic force.
  3. The opening up of etheric vision.

It is not permissible to say more in connection with the plans of the Great Ones. Their appearing will not be simultaneous in time, for the people could not stand the tremendously increased inflow of force, and recognition of Them and of Their methods will depend upon the intuition, and the training of the inner senses. They come with no herald, and only Their works will proclaim Them.

A Treatise on Cosmic Fire – Section Two – Division D – Thought Elementals and Fire Elementals

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These are the outstanding features that are descriptive of the one true fundamental School.

This fundamental school has three main branches and a fourth that is in process of forming and which will make the four branches of this fourth round. These branches are as follows:

  • The Trans-Himalayan Branch.
  • The Southern India Branch (these are Aryan Branches).
  • A Branch that works with the fourth root-race and has two fourth root-race adepts at its head.
  • A Branch in process of forming that will have its headquarters in the occident at some place not yet disclosed. It has for its main object the instructing of those connected with the coming sixth root-race.

These branches are and will be closely inter-allied and will work in the closest cooperation, being all focused and under the control of the Chohan at Shamballa. The heads of each of the four branches communicate with each other frequently and are really like the faculty of one stupendous university, the four schools being like the various major departments of the foundations – like subsidiary colleges. The aim of all is the evolution of the race, the object of all is to lead all to the point of standing before the One Initiator, the methods employed are fundamentally the same, though varying in detail, due to the racial characteristics of the races and types dealt with, and the fact that certain schools work paramountly with one ray and others with another.

  • The Trans-Himalayan school has its adepts as known to you, and others Whose Names are not known.
  • The southern Indian school has special work with the deva evolution, and with the second and third subraces of the Aryan race.
  • The Himalayan school works with the first, fourth and fifth subraces.
  • The fourth root-race branch works under the Manu of that race and his brother of the Teaching Ray. Their headquarters are in China.
  • The Master R. – and one of the English Masters are concerning Themselves with the gradual founding of the fourth branch of the school, with the assistance of the Master Hilarion.

Ponder on these imparted facts, for the significance is of profound importance. Tomorrow we will deal with the future. Today I have but imparted facts in present manifestation.

Letters on Occult Meditation – Letter IX – Future Schools of Meditation

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The Master who concerns himself especially with the future development of racial affairs in Europe, and with the mental outgrowth in America and Australia, is the Master Rakoczi. He is a Hungarian, and has a home in the Carpathian mountains, and was at one time a well-known figure at the Hungarian Court. Reference to him can be found in old historical books, and he was particularly before the public eye when he was the Comte de St. Germain, and earlier still when he was both Roger Bacon and later, Francis Bacon. It is interesting to note that as the Master R. takes hold, on the inner planes, of affairs in Europe, his name as Francis Bacon is coming before the public eye in the Bacon-Shakespeare controversy. He is rather a small, spare man, with pointed black beard, and smooth black hair, and does not take as many pupils as do the Masters previously mentioned. He is at present handling the majority of the third ray pupils in the occident in conjunction with the Master Hilarion. The Master R. is upon the seventh Ray, that of Ceremonial Magic or Order, and he works largely through esoteric ritual and ceremonial, being vitally interested in the effects, hitherto unrecognized, of the ceremonial of the Freemasons, of the various fraternities and of the Churches everywhere. He is called in the Lodge, usually, “the Count,” and in America and Europe acts Practically as the general manager for the carrying out of the plans of the executive council of the Lodge. Certain of the Masters form around the three great Lords an inner group, and meet in council with great frequency.

On the fifth Ray of Concrete Knowledge or Science, we find the Master Hilarion, who, in an earlier incarnation was Paul of Tarsus. He is occupying a Cretan body, but spends a large part of his time in Egypt. He it was who gave out to the world that occult treatise “Light on the Path,” and his work is particularly interesting to the general public at this crisis, for he works with those who are developing the intuition, and controls and transmutes the great movements that tend to strip the veil from the unseen. His is the energy which, through his disciples, is stimulating the Psychical Research groups everywhere, and he it was who initiated, through various pupils of his, the Spiritualistic movement. He has under observation all those who are psychics of the higher order, and assists in developing their powers for the good of the group, and in connection with certain of the devas of the astral plane he works to open up to the seekers after truth that subjective world which lies behind the grossly material.

Little can be given out anent the two English Masters. Neither of them takes pupils in the same sense that the Master K. H. or the Master M. take pupils. One of them, who resides in Great Britain, has in hand the definite guidance of the Anglo-Saxon race, and he works upon the plans for its future development and evolution. He is behind the Labor movement throughout the world, transmuting and directing, and the present rising tide of democracy has his directing hand upon it. Out of the democratic unrest, out of the present turmoil and chaos, will arise the future world condition which will have for its keynote cooperation and not competition, distribution, and not centralization.

One other Master may here be briefly mentioned, the Master Serapis, frequently called the Egyptian. He is the Master upon the fourth ray, and the great art movements of the world, the evolution of music, and that of painting and drama, receive from him an energizing impulse. At present he is giving most of his time and attention to the work of the deva, or angel evolution, until their agency helps to make possible the great revelation in the world of music and painting which lies immediately ahead. More about him cannot be given out, nor can his dwelling place be revealed.

The Master P. works under the Master R. in North America. He it is who has had much to do esoterically with the various mental sciences, such as Christian Science, and New Thought, both of which are efforts put forth by the Lodge in an endeavor to teach men the reality of that which is not seen, and the power of the mind to create. This Master occupies an Irish body, is on the fourth ray, and the place of his residence may not be revealed. Much of the work of the Master Serapis was taken over by him when the latter turned his attention to the deva evolution.

Initiation, Human and Solar – Chapter VI – The Lodge of Masters

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It is needless to say more here anent the influence of the seventh Ray upon the sons of men. More later may be available but enough has been suggested to form the basis of useful speculation.

52 The Master R. or Rakoczi, is the Hungarian Master, living at this time in Hungary, and is the Regent of Europe and America, under the “great Brotherhood.” He works through various organizations and movements including Masonry. He is one of the Masters who take pupils.

The Master H. or Hilarion, is a Cretan Master, is interested in the Spiritualistic Movement and is responsible for Light on the Path.

53 Antahkarana is the lower manas, the path of communication between the personality and the higher manas, or human soul. – H. P. Blavatsky.

A Treatise on Cosmic Fire – Section Two – Div. B – Manas as a Cosmic, Systemic and Human Factor

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The Master Jesus works especially with the masses of the Christian people who inhabit the occidental countries, and who gather in the churches. He is distinctively a great leader, an organizer, and a wise general executive. A special group of devas work under His command, and His connection with all true church leaders and executives is very close. He acts ceaselessly on the inner esoteric council of the churches, and with Him the groups of violet angels cooperate. In church matters He Himself carries out the behests of the Christ, saving Him much and working as His intermediary. This will seem logical to you, for His destiny is closely interwoven with the Christian Church and it marks the culmination of His work for the West. No one knows or understands so fully and wisely as He the problems of the Western culture, nor the needs of the people who carry forward the destiny of Christianity.

The Master Hilarion is actively occupied in the field of America, stimulating the intuitive perception of its people. He has under observation all those who are true psychics, and who develop their powers for the good of the community. He controls and transmutes the great active movements which endeavor to strip the veil from the world of the unseen. He impresses the minds of those whose vision will justify His effort. And He has much to do with various psychical research movements throughout the world. With the aid of certain groups of angels, He works to open up the world of departed souls to the seeker, and much that has of late convinced the materialistic world of life beyond has emanated from Him.

He Whom you call the Master D.K. works much with those who heal with pure altruism; He occupies Himself with those who are active in the laboratories of the world, with great philanthropic world movements such as the Red Cross, and with the rapidly developing welfare movements. His work also embraces teaching, and He does much at this time to train the various disciples of the world, taking the disciples of many of the Masters and so relieving Them temporarily, in this hour of crisis, from Their teaching responsibilities. Many of the healing angels, such as those referred to in the Bible, cooperate with Him.

The Externalization of the Hierarchy – Section IV – Stages in the Externalization

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Certain of the Masters have the work under Their control, and through Their grouped disciples are already actively engaged in the work of preparation. The Master Morya, the Master K.H. and the Master Jesus are the three working at this time in closest cooperation with the Christ. With them work the Master Hilarion, He Whom you call the Master D.K., and another Master Who is specially linked with the work of preparation in the sacred land of India. One of the English Masters is also exceptionally active, and the Master in America is laying His plans toward an active participation in the work. These consecrated Workers form a nucleus around the Christ and direct much of the preparatory work. It is not possible for me to tell you the lines of Their activity; I can but give you evidence which may later be demonstrated as true. These Masters are definitely preparing Themselves for the task of outer activity and are intensifying Their work on the astral plane. To this fact can be traced the interest people are now showing in occultism and in the work of the Masters; more and more people are becoming sensitive to and conscious of Their presence, and more and more are finding their way into the groups of disciples.

The Externalization of the Hierarchy – Section IV – Stages in the Externalization

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Since your entry into my group of disciples there is a growing evidence of the awakening of the heart center and this should give you encouragement. Let us work more definitely at that. I seek not to interfere at this time with your meditation but you have recognized that, in the press of work and for the period of the next few years, your work can be directed by me, if so you will, and thus, for a brief period, you have voluntarily submitted to the suggestions of a second ray disciple, myself. The pressure of work on the Masters Morya and K.H. is such that some of us are lifting what we can off their shoulders. In the same way the Master Hilarion is lifting a good deal of the work of training sixth ray disciples off the shoulders of the Master Jesus. A number of inner adjustments are going on in the exigencies of the stress of this cycle. It is one work, my brother, and all forces are expressions of the energy of love and the potencies of wisdom.

To the wisdom force of the Buddha, you easily respond. To the militancy and devotion of the Master Jesus and to the vibration of his organism, the Church militant, you vibrate also with facility, for the priesthood had long been your chosen field of service. An ancient sannyasin are you. To the understanding and the inclusive love of the Christ aspect, as it expresses itself in the “fire of divine compassion,” you only respond in a secondary sense. The awakening of this compassion should be one of your objectives in meditation. It will lead to inclusiveness and the power to “see things as others see them.”

Discipleship in the New Age I – Personal Instructions to Disciples – B.S.W.

  • (Sannyāsin) A Sanskrit word (also written “samnyasin,” from sam-ny-as, throw down, abandon, etc.) applied to one who has renounced all wordly possessions and ties.

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Saint Hilarion of Gaza

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Hilarion (291–371), also known by the bynames of Thavata, of Gaza, and in the Orthodox Church as the Great was a Christian anchorite who spent most of his life in the desert according to the example of Anthony the Great (c. 251–356). While Anthony is considered to have established Christian monasticism in the Egyptian Desert, Hilarion, who lived in the coastal area near Gaza, is considered by his biographer Jerome (c. 342/347 – 420), to be the founder of Palestinian monasticism – regarding this claim see also Hilarion’s contemporary, Chariton (mid-3rd century – c. 350), founder of monasticism in the Judaean Desert. Hilarion is venerated as a saint exemplifying monastic virtues by the Eastern Orthodox Church, Oriental Orthodox Church and the Roman Catholic Church.

Origin and life as a hermit

Hilarion was born around 291 to pagan parents in Tabatha, a village five miles north of Gaza. Hilarion was at least bilingual, speaking both Greek as well as Aramaic which was common around Gaza. His pagan parents sent him in his youth to study with a grammarian in Alexandria, where he gave, according to Jerome, a remarkable proof of his ability and character and became an accomplished speaker. While in Alexandria, he heard of the hermit Anthony and set off to study with him. After two months of learning the ascetic life from Anthony, Hilarion started to feel that the many visitors who came to Anthony for healing or exorcism were too much to bear and he decided to set off in the wilderness of Palestine to live alone as a hermit.

Hilarion returned to Gaza where he found his parents dead and subsequently gave away his goods to his brothers and the poor. He then established himself as a hermit in the desert inland from the coastal road, seven miles from Maiuma, the port of Gaza. Though he went on one occasion to Jerusalem to venerate the holy sites, he chose not to live in the Judaean Desert as he did not wish to appear to confine God within prescribed limits, believing he could be close to God anywhere. Around 308, he built a hut where he lived in solitude for 22 years and which survived into the time of Jerome. Hilarion wove baskets as he had learned in Egypt where this was a common monastic occupation. Here he also struggled against fleshly desires and Jerome said that the devil tempted Hilarion by igniting the “flames of lust” in the young man. Hilarion fought this sexual desire by mortifying his body with hunger, thirst and strenuous labour.

Life in Gaza and attributed miracles

After the 22 years he lived in his solitary hut, Hilarion was approached by a brave woman who sought a cure for her sterility. First, he resisted, but soon he prayed for her upon which she was healed. From then on, Hilarion spent his life surrounded by disciples and people in need of healing and exorcism. Jerome reports several episodes in which Hilarion heals people, drives out demons, foresees the future, performs miracles and speaks divinely inspired words of wisdom. In one instance, Hilarion was able to heal the three children of Helpidius, who would later become praetorian prefect. In Bethelea, Hilarion healed miraculously a certain Alaphion, which led to the conversion of the prominent family of the historian Sozomen.

As there were no monasteries in Palestine or Syria at the time, people began to flock to Hilarion for spiritual training. Sozomen, possibly due to his local sources, singles out Epiphanius and Hesyach as the two most outstanding in the circle around Hilarion. Epiphanius, who is known by the bynames ‘of Eleutheropolis’ and ‘of Salamis’, became his disciple after returning from Egypt and would later go to Cyprus where he introduced monasticism and was elected bishop of Salamis around 367/368. With many more people seeking his guidance, Hilarion established a monastery during the reign of emperor Constantius (337–361) which, by the time he was sixty-three, consisted of a large community with many visitors.

Final years and death

Hilarion remained in Gaza until three years after the death of Anthony (around 356), upon which he went to the place where Anthony had died in Egypt in order to escape the crowds that visited him. While he was there, the pagan Julian became emperor of the East in the winter of 361/362 and the city authority of Gaza attempted to arrest Hilarion who then had to flee. Jerome’s and Sozomen’s account differs slightly as Jerome writes that Hilarion escaped arrest in Egypt and lived there until Julian’s death before travelling to Sicily, Hilarion went according to Sozomen directly to Sicily. From there, he went soon to Epidauros in Dalmatia where he was said to have stilled the sea during the tsunami of 21 July 365 by drawing three crosses in the sand. Immediately after that, he went to Cyprus.

Hilarion was welcomed in Cyprus by his old disciple Epiphanius who encouraged him to stay. He initially settled near Paphos but later retired to a more remote place twelve miles away. Here, Hilarion died at the age of eighty and was buried. Ten months after Hilarion’s death, his disciple Hesyach stole his body, which was perfectly preserved and smelled sweetly, and interred it in his own monastery at Maiuma.

In literature

Johann Gottfried Herder wrote the poem “The Paradise in the desert” about the teacher-disciple relation between Anthony and Hilarion in 1797. This motif was also taken up by Gustave Flaubert in his The Temptation of Saint Anthony, though changed, as Hilarion attempts to tempt Anthony away from his faith by creating doubt.

Hermann Hesse adapted a biography of Hilarion as one of the three Lives of Joseph Knecht, making his Nobel Prize–winning novel The Glass Bead Game (also known as Magister Ludi).

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Excerpted from Wikipedia

Hare Brained Patent Ideas

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Following on from the dream mentioning the EPO in Munich, I have been revisiting some of my hare-brained patent ideas.

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Assuming all goes ahead with the operation I am going to be out of action gardening wise for several weeks. In order not to not drive myself and the wife mad, I will need something to do.

In around 2017 when I became very dis-illusioned with the REQUIRED verbatim parrot answers for “A” level chemistry exam questions, I looked into things quantum. As an aside if the physics syllabus back in the early ‘80s was as it is now, with quarks and astronomy etc., I would have tried a physics degree instead of chemistry. The so called right hand and left hand rules were boring and had other meanings. It was pretty soporific.

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I kept wondering when afternoon double physics would end. The teacher had been to the pub at lunch time and kept going off to the prep room mid lesson.

In a previous dream the notion of Quantum Telepathy was raised. I have already ascertained that the number of patent applications pertaining to telepathy are low. There are a few “occult” patents in French. To attempt to get a patent granted referring to quantum interruption of service for quantum computing or quantum cryptography would be fun and a challenge. The media might be interested.

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“Eccentric ex-boffin applies for quantum telepathy patent…”

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French is one of the languages at EPO. To make it even harder I could attempt to write the application in French. The possibility of opening a Pandora’s box lies perhaps therein.

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How deep the rabbit hole might go remains to be seen.

I was struck when looking at the quantum computing literature and patents at how far-fetched some of the claims were like ammonia trapped in buckminsterfullerene as an isolated molecule with a quantum superposition state of permutation inversion levels being the entangled pair. This person was not a molecular spectroscopist.

Other patent applications were longer than a Ph.D. thesis. It has to be a shit patent if it needs a hundred pages to explain. It was pretty obvious that people were getting patent number increase as a means for funding justification. It was also interesting seeing overt public reference go  suddenly “submarine”.

I have not seen data yet for quantum start-up failure rates. It seems some get bought up.

Around that time I had an idea for an entangled pair photon source produced by electric field induced spontaneous parametric down conversion (SPDC). I submitted that application in May 2019 and with some “discussion” it got granted. I speculated that because I was a “man in his shed” I was taken less seriously at the IPO in Newport. In one letter I mentioned the Imperial magic word and that I already had two patent grants. After that he was less discursive.

In that SPDC in low photon regime, and not parametric oscillator power range, requires that the electric field is quantizable along harmonic oscillator creator annihilation operator lines. I thought to myself there could be some new physics to be explored here….

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I also wondered why not exploit the time domain for quantum computing. Quantum entangled states are known to “beat” under certain circumstances. Working in the time domain before environmental dephasing kicked in could negate the need for extensive and expensive refrigeration.

Given my background in molecular symmetry it occurred to be that certain molecules could be used as a quantum gate. If they were allowed to “operate” on an entangled pair, they would in effect perform a computation on the state information. Molecular symmetry discussions were largely absent from the patent literature.

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A third order hyperpolarizability tensor looks very matrix like. Neo would be happy.

I had a third idea which escapes me now.

A while back I was looking into nuclear fusion reactor design patents. It occurred to me that for Tokamak and torus designs ignition could be enhanced by laser induced plasma ignition procedures. Hence a hybrid laser ignition “Tokamak” design may have benefits. Confinement in high energy laser ignition facilities to sustain fusion was then a known issue.

As a result of a largely NIMBY campaign to prevent an energy from waste municipal solid waste incinerator being installed next to the village, I looked into these. I came up with the idea for a laser induced plasma incinerator for ultra-high toxicity / biological hazard waste. At very high, near solar laser induced temperature, complete oxidation downstream from plasma formation could be ensured with high completion extent. In the cooling plasma reaction with oxygen free radicals could work. I approached Kilburn and Strode who helped me with the EUV patents. They were reticent in case they had a conflict of interests with one of their clients, the start-up I once co-founded!

It turns out that my ex-flat mate is a patent attorney and another from my year at university a patent litigator.

The other idea I had was to get my patent published in Welsh at the IPO in Newport.

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Cyfarpar i gynhyrchu parau ffoton

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Most of the Welsh patent agents I contacted were very supportive. They pointed me in various direction but the show stopper was that an English translation was also required. So much for equal…

Not quite sure why I am in this space this morning…

How We Are Perceived…

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…never look a gift horse in the mouth

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I’ll speculate that there is a good chance that I might be perceived as a quasi-Jurassic old fart.

The estate agent recently said that we had a lot of DVDs just like his parents. I do not know most of the protagonists in Wimbledon, I have no idea what music “stars” are popular with the exception of Taylor Swift, on celeb Goggle Box I have no idea who some of them are and I could not name more than a few of the Labour party cabinet. I recognise a few players in the England cricket team and am perhaps the most up to date with northern hemisphere rugby. I do not use a smart ‘phone and have never done “face time”.

Science fiction can predict with sometimes uncanny accuracy future trends. The detailed match is not exact but the scoping predictive. We have Orwell’s 1984 and now webcams and microphones driven by fibre broadband in most homes. The Trumpian “ministry of truth” publishes edicts to millions over the internet. The propaganda wars are on. We have the “new-speak” of wokeism and offence at pronoun use.

In the film “Logan’s Run” the young and the beautiful have an expiry date before they go to “Dignitas” for recycling. When the time comes, they are expunged. Everyone must be young and sexy and beautiful. Fat crippled old men are not allowed. Books are an antique artefact of the past.

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Now you can get Turkey teeth, a Brazilian bum lift, liposuction, a bionic penis and a designer vagina. You can get lip filler so that you look like a pollock who has bitten a stinging jellyfish and get plastic bags full of chemicals sewn into your tits. You can take weight loss drugs instead of heroin to lose weight. And of course you can buy Sino-Mexican fentanyl at bargain basement prices for a few pesos.

Not all “progress” is uplifting or good.

There is a tendency to throw the baby out with the bath water.

The summer of 2003 was pivotal for me. I had just gotten divorced and went on a PADI advanced open water diving course, on my own, at Sharm El-Sheikh. I was partnered with a young woman who was intelligent and a cardio-fit dentist. She was also a fairly high level rower, only a little younger than me. She was on holiday with others of the rowing “Henley” set and there was some talk about some of them preparing for Olympics. She represented two things I did not understand, the choice of dentistry as a profession and competing in rowing. I could not and still cannot understand dentistry as a profession. Yes, it relieves pain and is financially viable but isn’t it a tad repetitive and boring.

We got on fairly well and worked OK as a team. We were both a bit anxious. It turned out that she was single and looking to change that. I understood that she was attractive according to how these things are perceived. I saw her mostly as my diving partner. She talked a lot. Then one day on the bus she looked at my recent root canal work, which was not up to scratch according to her professional opinion. I knew at that moment her orientation towards me had changed from mild interest to “no, this geezer has bad teeth”. There was a slight cooling on her part. I had been scratched off a mental list.

When we finished the course, I climbed Mount Sinai on the night before my birthday and saw dawn of my birthday atop said hill. It was for me a truly transcendent experience. Something very powerful started that day and I was “off my trolly” for most of the journey back to London.

In this inane example she looked in my mouth and did not like what she saw. A perception was based on a single variable. It was a show stopper for her.

Nowadays where everybody has to be plastic-fantastic with their own PR and propaganda anti-social media platforms it is difficult to find a non-embellished reality. The drive to subscribe and adhere to a faux-perfection is said to be a driver for poor mental health. It is difficult to know who or what we really are or may be.

Cosmetically my appearance to the young is not appealing. I have yellowing teeth with several gaps. I am portly and hirsute. My below belt grandpa-garden is untended. I have not had a crack back and sack, ever. My teeth, which remain, are my own. There is no dental mortgage. I do not dress fashionably and I waddle when I walk, like a duck. I have never had an umbilical cord to my iPhone or Galaxy. If I were to attempt to type a text it would be snail pace and error strewn. I am a bumpkin, a yokel even pikey. I have zero power or kudos by association

I am in a package which would be unappealing, no doubt some might seek to educate me and bring me up to date. Were I to have things to share and impart, many would not be able to see past the gift wrap.

“What can that crippled old man with gappy yellow teeth possibly have to offer me? He is such a success, he has done so very well for himself, not.”

How we are perceived may differ substantially from how we actually are. People can squander opportunity based on prejudice about how things ought to be…

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…beware of Greeks bearing gifts.

Apnoea – British Academics – Full Moon Dream Snippets – 12-07-2025

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Last night I was wearing the apparatus to measure the sleep-state with a view to investigating sleep apnoea. The wrist based device was held in place with some medical elastic gauze as was a pulse oximeter on my left index finger. I had a nasal cannula and two microphones stuck to my chest. It was a warm night. I consciously avoided doing any meditative practice whilst wearing the gizmo. I sometimes do this meditation if I wake up during the night and am a tad bored.

On and off during the night and whilst asleep I was consciously aware of the gizmo attached to my body, in particular the spring on the oximeter was clamping down on my finger. I had the vision of ET with his illuminated finger from time to time. The thought form, “ ’phone home, ‘phone home” amusingly popped into mind. A bit like a Rick Astley song.

I started to get strong visual images of various members of British Science Academia with whom I have had past interactions. None of these physical plane interactions were more recent than a decade. There were “chemists” from Imperial College London, Oxford University and Durham University. Some of the Oxford people were from way-way back pertaining to the molecular spectroscopy community I once interacted with in the last century. There were some from the van der Waals crowd.

Next, I was at some kind of camp in the woods with undergraduate students in wooden chalets. One of whom was very concerned about a patent she had in Germany. I gathered the students around all of whom had invested in her. I said we will call the European Patent Office in Munich the next morning. In the meantime I would take them out for a fire-pit and shamanic drumming in the woods. I picked up my shaman’s drum and we set off.

The scene returns to British Academia. There are now very senior figures only a few of whom I have ever met. I know of them vaguely. There are those in power, VCs and the like. Some are in the quantum area of expertise and there are some from the generation preceding me who must me in their 80s or thereabouts.

There is a sense of much toing and froing, of discussions behind the scene with some handwringing and indecisiveness. There is a sense of gossip and debate about what if anything to do.

The pace of the dream snippets and their interchange is hectic and breathless. It is far from rest full. I am aware during this sequence of the gizmo in my nose, on my finger and stuck to my chest.

I wake up around 6 AM for a loo break.

Back now in the dream and with the students. They are in the chalets with me and warning me that the academy does not like me doing drumming on courses for students and that my motives are very misinterpreted. My helping of the young woman with the patent is mis-construed as a sexual relationship because we appear too close, friendly and not distant enough. The students say that I am being judged. We gather together and start to call the patent office with the land line phone on speaker. I know that the call and the dream is being monitored by technical experts at MI6. They are highly technical and have methods of surveillance of which I am unaware.

In the dream I wonder how this whole shebang is going to be recorded on the medical device.

I wake up and the dream ends. I am keen to remove the micropore tape  holding the gizmo as quicky as possible.

Feeling Wired… wee, sleekit, cowrin, tim’rous beastie…

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But Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best-laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men
Gang aft agley,
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!

Still thou are blest, compared wi’ me!
The present only toucheth thee:
But Och! I backward cast my e’e,
On prospects drear!
An’ forward, tho’ I cannot see,
I guess an’ fear!

Robert Burns

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Well I am all wired up to a polygraph. Looks like it measures heart, noise in the trachea, air flow in the nostrils and the saturation of oxygen in the blood. It is not the latest spec machine and I don’t want to pay twenty euros for a user or technical installation manual. The temptation to take it apart is high but I will resist.

Over the last few months with nearly fifty medical appointments so far this year I have felt a little like a lab rat / mouse. Last time I was like this was around 1994 when they did shit loads of tests to figure out my low B12 and high haemoglobin. They gave me a radio-tracer labelled B12 sample and wanted me to collect my piss. I was off on a night out with the lads, by the end of the night my rucksack was very heavy with ~ a gallon of Tennent’s Extra flavoured sample. They told me to collect it all!! They were taking the piss.

I figured that I was a part of some research project at St Thomas’ so I played along. Perhaps I helped someone’s dissertation.

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I learned today that a diagnosis of moderate to severe sleep apnoea means that you have to stop driving and tell the DVLA!! You then need to get the problem under control.

They say that it can affect concentration. I’ll bet my level and extent of concentration against the bulk of the population. I’ll win.

Either the results will be invalid due to the apparatus falling off during the night, or they will be “normal” or they will have some anomalies due to my decade of dreaming practice and two and half decades of meditation. The first two cases are easy.  The third case might raise an eyebrow; be seen as an artefact or suggest a re-test.

All these scans and tests are getting a bit boring. I would much prefer to be in the control room watching the acquisitions than on the slab in the middle of a polo mint.

I have often wondered on the mentality of those able to torture mice. I did a team development course for those operating a gene related animal house {mice} at the University of Cambridge. They seemed to be regular people a bit annoyed by the unrealistic expectations of the last minute dot com academic demands. The academics wanted the animal house “sorted out”. I suggested to HR that it was the academics who needed to learn team work and to develop their interpersonal skills, which were poor.  I offered to do a course for them. Needless to say my offer to “Olympus” was not taken up. I would have had no problems calling out a pompous Cambridge prof or two.

I take the device back on Tuesday morning before my colonoscopy. We shall see {perhaps} what is recorded thereupon. The fun-filled and action-packed life goes on…

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Failure to Piss & Moan or Whinge & Complain…

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From the Urban Dictionary:

whinge

Verb To whinge

A British/Australian/New Zealand (possibly South African and other commonwealth) English word which describes incessant complaining. A behaviour commonly associated with poms/pommes/pohms/pommies (people from England).

If you want to get anything done in this country you’ve gotta whinge till you’re blue in the face!

Aw piss off ya blardy whingin’ pommie!

Whinging pom

An joyless English person who complains incessantly.

See Piers Morgan.

That Piers Morgan is such a whinging pom oh my god.

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This morning whilst trying to go back to sleep I was reflecting on a phenomenon of non-plussed. This is when I observe other people being non-plussed when I fail to piss & moan or whinge & complain in line with their normal level of their expectations. They seem not to know what to do when I don’t bemoan my lot or plead how terrible life is and how much miserable pain I am in {poor me, pass the feather boa.}


People are accustomed to hearing high levels of whinging and moaning and therefore expect these.

I have an idea that the medical profession don’t take me as seriously as others because I am not complaining endlessly and asking of their deity for help with my suffering. They can’t gauge things on the whinge / complain / moan scale.  I am too close to the zero-whinge state to be taken seriously.

As a rule most people like to have others hear there whinges and go, “there, there, poor you”. They seek someone to join them in their misery and seek affirmation of how terrible their personal suffering is, Bless.

If you observe, a fair percentage of so-called conversation is about complaint and woe-sharing. If people stopped whinging there would be a lot less. One is supposed to offer succour to the woe-sharer. If one does not woe-share people can be non-plussed. They do not know what to do or how to behave.

A very large amount of woe-sharing comes from the notion of how unfair the world is imagined to be. It is very victim and poor me in source. It is a bit sandpit or nursery, toddler like.

Who said that life is fair? Why do people have such an expectation?

Anyway, is seems to me that my failure to piss & moan, whinge & complain sufficiently leaves people non-plussed. It is a non sequitur which does not make sense. It can cause unease.

The Holy Trinity – Fat Fags & Booze

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Brixton Prison, Jebb Avenue London S.W. 2 Inglan

it was de miggle a di rush hour
hevrybody jus a hustle and a bustle
to go home fi dem evenin shower
mi an Jim stan up waitin pon a bus
not causin no fuss

when all of a sudden a police van pull up
out jump tree policemen
de whole a dem carryin baton
dem walk straight up to me and Jim
one a dem hold on to Jim
seh dem tekin him in
Jim tell him fi leggo a him
for him nah do nutt’n
and ‘im nah t’ief, not even a but’n
Jim start to wriggle
de police start to giggle

Sonny’s Lettah – Linton Kwesi Johnson

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Isn’t it funny that when you wait a long time for a bus at the bus stop near Jebb Avenue on Brixton Hill, there are none then all of a sudden three arrive at once?

Every weekday morning for around five years I waited at that bus stop.

Last Friday I had a radio-nuclide bone scan, Tuesday I had an ECG and comprehensive cardio ultrasound, tomorrow I will have overnight monitoring for sleep apnoea, Monday I will start taking industrial grade laxatives with a colonoscopy due Tuesday afternoon and next Friday I am due a CT scan to check for diffuse idiopathic skeletal hyperostosis (DISH).

What a fun-filled and action-packed time I have.  That is quite a lot to cram in. That is a lot of buses.

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Tomorrow I will get fitted for various monitoring including cardio. Later, they may go one stage further and do a hospital admission with full electroencephalography (EEG).

Given hip pain, enlarged prostate and hot weather, I am not sure they will get a good data set.

I don’t know what gizmo I am getting tomorrow. BUT if there is an EEG it could easily generate an anomaly which they may struggle to explain. I know from before and self-test that I can flat-line a fast Fourier transform frontal lobe EEG within the S:N ratio. If this happens in a sleep study it might raise questions or get ignored. I would be an anomaly.

The hospital version has EEG. It may never happen.

As a researcher one is trained to look out for anything unusual. I have a low parathyroid hormone level which seems anomalous. It makes my research bells go ting. It does not seem so important to others.

It seems to me that the consensus is coming around to the idea that the root cause of many of my ailments is being ascribed to the Holy Trinity, fat, fags and booze. My high iron levels will get adjusted during any hip operation by blood loss, in the first instance.

In terms of the Holy Trinity I only have fat left to renounce.

Whenever I watch a medical video, say on a part of the endocrine system, I think to myself that is a whole lot of variables which you are asserting to be interrelated yet you only have very few data points. Is that not a bit of a stretch?

I suspect that I would have been a shit medical student, too many questions. I would struggle with the exams.

In a fortnight’s time I should have a few more pieces of information, including my putative diagnosis of DISH.

Looking at the bus timetable there may be a wait……after a fun-filled and action-packed week.

Touch wood, cross fingers etc.